Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy UPDATE: Teacher disciplining disability AGAIN

Oh man! My little guy just came home for lunch telling me he was punished for not finishing his work in Writer's Workshop. He said his hand was cramping so he couldn't do all the coloring and drawing a picture and he asked his teacher to use "apple technology" to finish and she made him change his chart. He also said she told him he would have to call me and tell me what he did.

Our 504 and IEP are in the works but how do I protect him till then?!

Call will happen later today he says. She did not allow technology or stopping and he ran out of time in pain and incredibly frustrated.

I said this to the teacher in a beginning of school letter only 2wks ago:

He has Dyspraxia which affects his ability to coordinate and plan movement. We see this in his fine and gross motor delays and the high level of stress he experiences when needing to perform these activities.

He also has hypotonia (low muscle tone) in his hands. He will fatigue very quickly and sometimes experiences pain with fine motor activities. This is very challenging when academically his need for new information is well above grade level.

Attached was a letter from his OT with specific ways to help him with this.

I just feel ill sending him back to that teacher for several more hours today...

HappilyMom, I'd let him stay home for the rest of the day (if he wants to) and I'd send an email to the teacher restating what your ds has told you, and then restating what you've already explained about dyspraxia and it's impact on handwriting and your ds. You can include whatever request you feel is appropriate for an accommodation - allowing him a break, discontinuing, working on alternative AT etc.

Do you have a firm date for your 504 meeting? Or are you waiting on the recent outside testing report before you have it? If this happens again and you don't have a firm date set for the 504 meeting, I'd seriously consider keeping him out of school until appropriate accommodations are in place. We did that for our dd who has medical issues and that was the *one* thing that motivated the school staff like crazy to get the 504 meeting set up and over with.

If you don't have a date yet, I would send an email to the principal, 504 coordinator, whoever else is on the "team" and request that a meeting be held within the next ten school days. Request a reply to your email within x amount of time also. Be nice, be brief, be clear, be firm.

Last thing - when you are at the 504 meeting or working with your ds' teacher on accommodations, I feel strongly that children in early elementary should not have to ask for their accommodations - the accommodations should be set up ahead of time so they are in place and just a part of the classroom situation for your child. Neither of my children who need accommodations were willing to ask for them in early elementary - they're young, teachers are seen as adults in power, they aren't fully aware always of *when* they need them before it's long past when they needed them, etc. Later on, when they're older, they'll be able to speak up for themselves - but not in first grade. Your ds did a *great* job of telling the teacher his hands hurt - but he shouldn't have been put in the position of having to tell her and having to request his AT. And when a teacher reacts as this teacher did, most kids will be less likely to speak up the next time.

Best wishes,

polarbear

OK, that bugs me. Frankly, my first question would be to ask the teacher if she understands that she pushed him to the point of experiencing physical pain caused by his disability.

Anything short of "No, I didn't realize." followed by an apology would not be good.

I am now shaking and crying. He is back at school. He had an anxiety attack when he saw his teacher in the hall so we had the office call the school social worker and he went to talk with her about what happened. His class was headed to gym, later library, and he would have math in the other grade so I only think he will be with her partially during library.

Maybe I should have let him stay home. I was doing deep pressure during lunch to calm him. The school psych's office has been dark so I don't think she is there today.

We do not have a firm date on the 504. She was "gathering the team" yesterday after our talk and I think out of office today. I think I will leave her a voicemail.

I have a meeting with his teacher tomorrow after school. I am just sick and trying to get my emotions out so I can handle tomorrow calmly.

Please don't quote my letter as I plan to erase it later. How does this sound? I am really livid so I want feedback.

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I agree you will want to verify that what your ds told you was what happened. The best thing to do would be to stop by after school today and talk in person to the teacher - *if* you feel like you aren't upset and can do that rationally etc (which I probably wouldn't feel like doing - actually usually didn't feel like doing on days like this, which we absolutely had quite a few times over the years). Sooo.. second best thing, and also just a good idea in general when you communicate via email is to restate what you understand happen per what your ds has told you - "My ds told me that...." - you can add "please let me know if there is a miscommunication or misunderstanding"... restating what you understand gives the teacher (or whoever is receiving the email) the opportunity to explain what happened from their perspective. You still might not know *for certain* what happened - we've had instances in negotiating through IEPs etc with our school where I would restate what I knew without a doubt was said or happened at a meeting in a follow-up email, only to have the school staff claim it never happened - but the important thing is, you've given an opportunity for the teacher to explain and you've also communicated what you were told happened. My gut feeling in the situation Happily described above it that I'd trust what my ds said happened.

This is really tough stuff - it's not easy knowing how to move, when to not move, what to say, who to take it to, etc. There aren't any clear-cut answers for any of it, no specific set of guidelines, each child and each teacher and each situation is different. You're doing a great job - it's just tough, and it's just a very bumpy road at times. You'll get there - keep trusting your own instincts and keep believing in your ds unless you're given a reason not to.

Re leaving a voicemail - I would send an email instead, because it is a written record of communication. You can refer back to it if things start to drag, and there are also state laws (and possibly school district policy) re when a reply has to be sent back to a request for a 504 or IEP eligibility meeting - so your email starts a time clock ticking. Granted, it should already be ticking and hopefully knowing what the deadlines are won't be an issue because the school will get that meeting going asap and it will happen this week and you won't have to worry about it. But just in case - I'd communicate things like the question about meeting status via email.

Hang in there -

polarbear

Happily, I hadn't seen your letter when I was posting - we were posting at the same time. I think it's a good letter - the one small thing I'd do differently (which is only me - I'm not a professional advocate *and* I am a scientist so writing letters is not my strong point! - so take my advice with a grain of salt!) - is to add an exact description of what your ds told you:

For example:

Dear Ms. Teacher,

DS told me that during Writer's Workshop ____ fill in the blank ___ happened. I would of course also like to hear your perspective on what happened to. I beleive you may have seen.... (leave rest of letter as is).

I really do think you put together a great letter

polarbear

ps - there are two reasons to restate what your ds told you - first, to be sure you and the teacher are talking about the same thing and that you understand what happened, but also that description stays with that email and you have it as a form of written record later if there are discussions with the school during the IEP eligibility process or 504 meetings or whatever where you need to refer to it. If you refer to something that happened without any kind of written record, it's often treated as something that never happened - in my school district.