Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments Homeschooling woes...already.

Well that didn't take long. One week of homeschool down and I feel like I have already smothered my DS's love of learning. I feel drained/exhausted/emotionally spent. I really don't know how to tackle this and I want so badly to instill in DS a love of learning, a good work ethic, and a good attitude, but I feel like a failure.

The problem: DS loves "studying" as long as it is not me/anyone else telling him what to do. He reads voraciously, as long as it is not a book I asked him to read. (Did that for the first time last week, and it ended with him saying he hates reading - which is so obviously not true.) He adds math into his play, but when I ask him to do our math program with me, it is all fits, complaints for at least 1-2 hours. When I finally get him to sit still and concentrate, BAM, he knocks it out in 20 minutes. I think it has nothing to do with the level that I am asking him to do, and IF he concentrates/comes at it with a good attitude, I KNOW he can do it in a reasonable time (even for a 5yo), so I don't think that it has to do with his attention span/or his ability level. This week he has constantly been in a bad mood, complaining about how adults don't understand their children, and are always telling them what to do.

I know he needs to start learning structure, and he needs to learn that he isn't the leader (which he really struggles with).

On top of all that I think another problem he is facing is serious disillusionment. Part of me thinks(yes, I have asked him) that his vision for homeschooling is much more elaborate and wonderful than the reality. He envisions a homeschool group that will come to our house daily, and will daily be doing all sorts of amazing experiments and that all the kids will be a little Secret Science Alliance like band. The reality in our extremely rural area right now, is that we are lucky to get together with our HS group once a month during the regular school year. And the reality is that I don't have the resources or stamina to keep up with all his ideas/dreams. Take for instance, last night. He decided he wanted to make a catapult. He got in his mind the toys that he could convert into the basic form, taped stuff together (his first mistake :), tried to use his slinky for a spring, and well you know - it didn't work. He gets incredibly mad at himself, calling himself stupid, and going off his rocker. I am calmly trying to explain, that he just doesn't have the right parts to make one available right now. We could go to a hardware store and get them - but in his mind, he ought to be able to make one out of what he has, if only he were smart enough. I feel terrible - like I can't really give him the experiences that he needs, but I also know that somehow, I need to tame his expectations without squashing his soul.

Oh, and because of all the tantrums about "doing school" - what should be a 1-2 hour school day, ends up taking 4-5 hours. I am calmly trying to just stand my ground, there is no yelling, but my strings are getting short, and I don't know if it really the best thing to do. Do I just wait it out, and after a few weeks of this, he will finally realize that if he just does what I ask, he can get on with playing faster....

HELP!

Sorry to hear that it has been such an exhausting week! Hopefully you will get some great ideas from other homeschoolers. We are not homeschooling but my DS5 is very (very) similar. I wonder if having him choose from the selection of "musts" for the week would help him feel he had more control. DS would probably end up doing the week's worth of maths in one day, other subjects other days. DS gets frustrated when his inventions don't work the way he imagined. At times he has been amenable to joint research on other ways to make the same thing. And sometimes not... All the best

I really feel for you, but don't feel like I have any great insight to share. We've been partial homeschooling and so far it's satisfying to see her pushbthrough something and make progress and I think it's the right thing to do. But not fun for me at all, such a relief when it's over in fact. I feel like a terrible parent for not finding homeschool joyous and fun an adorin every minute with my child!

I second MoN's advice.

We homeschooled (I mean-- PURE homeschooling) for almost 2y, and honestly, the best results were always when I gave my DD a daily list.

I used mini-memo pads to do this, and listed specific things that I wanted her to work on-- and then more fun/open-ended things. I was always here to help or engage with her-- but much of this was stuff that I did expect that she would do independently. So she did.

For example (I still have the records from this time-- all those mini-lists are taped into composition books!!)


The latter three headings there refer to workbooks. The Complete Book of Maps and Geography-- isbn 978-1561895038-- which is sadly out of print now-- these were a great bargain and my DD LOVED that series of workbooks very, very much.

The Language Arts workbook was a Spectrum one-- probably 2nd or 3rd grade, given the date.


Anyway. This is an example from when my daughter was 5.2 yo. This would have been a rather typical day-- another average day might have her do an art project, play a computer game (she was very fond of Magic Schoolbus, and I used those for times when I needed to take her to work with me) or free read during the rest of the day.

The point is that she is VERY oppositional-- I still get way more out of her if I don't get "in her face" about what I want her to do. If I write it down and give her the list, it's like MAGIC. It just happens.

Oh my-- how sweet and funny-- as I'm flipping these memo notes over to look at the ones below them, I see that on the back side my then 5yo DD had written in BIG block letters:


Shows what SHE was thinking about. LOL Some things never change. Seeing her five year old printing kind of melts my heart a little now that she's a nearly grown teen.

Enjoy these years when they are little. It really goes by awfully fast.

Would he go for "read something from thebook basket" rather than a specific book? And can you just do 3 or 4 10 minute lessons over the day?

MoN-Yes, more involved is what he needs I sense; it is just that it is draining to keep up with him mind! In fact, I really think this is the crux of the problem - he doesn't really want to work out of books or curriculum - he wants total involvement, where everything has an elaborate presentation, or profound meaning, or isn't just another part of the slow building process of learning. He needs me to be super active with him - he needs so much more social than we are currently getting (Our current rural situation has not been the best for any of us). And yes, I have tried the would you like to be doing what your K friends are doing in school today, learning the alphabet, counting to 100..whatever? (Just so others know, this might have been a really bad idea, because, he does have good friends who are in K, and I don't need him putting them down, but I do need to emphasize to him why K would be a bad idea for him.) As far as laying out what we are doing each day, I set up a sticker system, where he earns "electronics" time for completing his math, reading, writing, exercise, etc. each day. It is not so explicit as to say, do xx pg in xx book..but he knows that for instance he only has to do one page of HW/oTears per day. I don't know that having a more explicit list would be a big draw for his personality. It totally is for mine, as I am a list crosser-offer. I will try it, but in other lists that I have done, I didn't see any increased motivation.

Part of our problem seems to be that over the summer I think he developed a habit of electronics over-use. I justified it as being an only kid, and having a DH who has been gone for the summer, I needed more down-time, and I let Tv/internet use get out of control. He is now really kicking back about not having the same amount as he was getting only last week. Hopefully we can successfully detox him from that! (I never should have listened to people on this forum that Minecraft might be a game he would enjoy In fact, it is Minecraft talk that so frequently interrupts his ability to concentrate on anything else.

HK - That is totally the type of thing my DS would write! And yes, staying out of his face is how I survive, but when it comes to the fact that I need to be in his face, because otherwise his mind would melt into Minecraft, what more can I do?

Does anyone have any idea if a total electronics detox (take them all away) would be a good idea, or should I just let him earn time by getting his school work done?

This is how I have "directed" him in what to read in the past - just having a stack of books I thought he'd like around. But last week, when I asked him to read from a specific book daily (a book he on his own decided he wanted to read and started himself, but started lacking the motivation to finish...only because it left him with less play time..) then it was an all out, I hate reading. So, usually, reading isn't the problem. He will usually read well past bedtime on his own accord. And usually, he will read the books I buy for him and leave around.

I am a single mum with 2 kids and I think total detox would be too hard for you. You could try no electronics during public school hours and then enrol him in after school classed
or set up a couple of play dates a week?

And it may be it will take a while to settle. You could be looking back at this thread in a few months and laughing.

I have a suggestion for you--

DRY ERASE MARKERS.

Do you have a patio door or very large window?

This is a genius thing for homeschooling families. The sheer novelty of it is a wonderful tool.


RE: Minecraft, I have no great advice, I am afraid. The only conclusions to such things that I have in our history would not make either one of you happy to hear. My DD has only now developed any ability to self-regulate this kind of thing and not have it take over her life. She's 14.

I had to completely shut down accounts and forbid ANY further access for-- Webkinz, Club Penguin, Pokemon (oh my goodness is there a lot of this stuff out there), and-- something--else... I even had to install K9 and keep visual contact with her while she was on the computer 100% of the time during the years when she was 6-11yo. It. was. BAD.

So I issue that cautionary tale. Obsession at that level is-- pretty much insurmountable with this personality type, because they defy your legitimate authority to actually regulate them on it. {sigh}

I'd try full withdrawal "until we can both get the hang of homeschool" and NOT supply him with criteria for what that means. Supply OTHER activities and allow free choice of OTHER things, by all means... just.not.that.

Ohh- I am so happy to see that those books are still in print!!

They were perfect for a high-literacy, low-written-output PG kiddo.

I concur about not getting too concerned about what happens day to day, too-- it's easy to lose sight of the bigger picture.

What I neglected to mention that was sometimes DD would get really involved in something on her list, or just dawdle and not get to everything. That was okay-- it just stayed on the list for the next day (or two).

Dry erase markers on a window:

a) can be school... serious things like handwriting, sentences, spelling words... math...

b) can also be silly-- who can draw the best monster with purple hair? Let's set a time limit and see who can draw an alien planet the fastest!! I'm going to draw the weirdest flower ever-- no peeking...

The unluckiest stick figure in the universe featured prominently at my house, incidentally. I never inquired too deeply about this point, but I'm pretty sure that at least occasionally, that was an effigy.