Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion "Social issues"

I am going through a similar Hell myself with DD right now. It is difficult to do but I am trying to assume positive intent rather than obstructiveness on the part of the school. I am going to have to educate the educators it appears.

I am trying to avoid all out war with them because that would have more downside potential for my DD - a Pyrrhic victory would not help anyone. I just need some guidance and advice on the potential pitfalls. I do not want this to draw out until she cannot even qualify based on reduced achievements to get into a good private school if the public school intransigence proves steadfast.

This may sound paranoid, but....

The school has the highest (or in the top three) maths results in the state. I do wonder if they attract the gifted kids with promises, but then hold them back so the school can keep its record. You can't deny IQ scores or high achievement, but you can create a somewhat unprovable excuse.

And, yes, I am upset about my son having to teach the other kids. He shouldn't have to help anyone, it is certainly not his responsibility. And if I was the parent of the child having trouble with maths, I'd be furious to find out that the teacher is getting another kid to help!

Ah, but is it not the obligation of those with the most to help those with the least?

Noblesse oblige.

The school is simply encouraging him to accept the burden which is his to carry.

Some people, like your child, have so much more and, in fact, are so much more, that they can only find meaning in lifting up others, sacrificing their lives in service to others.

Are you not proud to have raised such a son? Does it not fill you with a warm glow as you think of him sacrificing his personal happiness to lift others out of the mire?

Everything MON said, for certain, and ...err... Jon as well, I think.

One thing about the frustration when helping the other kids -- DS10 has always loved to get up in front of the class and explain stuff to them, but when put to helping someone one-on-one, or working in a group with kids who are not at his level, he gets frustrated because he doesn't know what it's like to not know how to do the stuff. He can't understand why they don't get it. It just comes naturally to him, and it's like asking him to teach someone how to breathe. Where do you even start?

Let me add that when the school calls your son a bad person ("lack of empathy") because he doesn't live up to the totally unreasonable expectation of getting through to a slow learner when even the teachers can't, then the school itself is guilty of bullying, and they are the ones lacking empathy.

Also keep in mind that teachers are taught that "when mixed ability learners work together they both learn - but the more advanced one learns the most!". Which may be true, to a point, I'm told this is research based, but I am willing to bet this refers to children that both fall within the "normal" range for grade - ie there is a gap in ability, not a yawning chasm. You're cross that he's being used as a teaching aid, teacher probably sees it as providing maximum learning opportunity for YOUR son...

Yes!! This is my DD. Back in grade 2, her teacher told me that she is "very immature." The teacher meant well... I took no offense to it and thankfully was fully aware of this common misunderstanding. Still... it can be very tricky and frustrating.

This is something I feel very strongly about too. How can an academic institution prevent a child from learning because he doesn't behave how they think he should in certain situations. And maybe your son will always have trouble teaching people who grasp things less quickly than he does. This is a good reason for him not becoming a teacher but not a reason for limiting his intellectual growth. And maybe he is always going to find his age peers boring and trivial - so spending more time with them is not going to help. Anyway all the best if Aussie is anything like NZ you will need it.

Thanks for everyone's advice! Sooooo, what now? I agree that it is unafair to hold him back for these reasons, but what can I do? Can I just collect a bunch of information to prove the school wrong? Are they allowed to do this, just because of imaginary social issues? If I prove that my son has the appropriate amount of empathy and human feelings, can they legally still reject the request?