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    #160688 - 06/20/13 01:00 PM Re: A great article... [Re: Dude]
    JonLaw Offline

    Registered: 07/29/11
    Posts: 2007
    Loc: The Sub-Tropics
    Originally Posted By: Dude
    It's beyond sad when preschool admissions coaching is a thing.

    Bolding is mine:

    But a hired gun like her doesn't come cheap. Shapiro offers a range of services, depending on what clients need. She'll meet with parents over the phone for $150 an hour, or come to you for $250. Packages of six to 10 consultations may be available at a discount to parents who want guidance throughout the admissions process. She also holds two-hour workshops for small groups for a flat $400 per hour fee.

    But, as some parents see it, that's a small price to pay if junior gets into Harvard.

    I'm hoping that one of my kids will be accepted to the Ivy League and then not attend so as to uphold the family legacy.

    I wish I had applied to Harvard, gotten in, and then not have attended like my brother-in-law. I'm jealous that his daughter has the opportunity to be a second generation Harvard admitee-non-attender.

    #160747 - 06/21/13 12:17 PM Re: A great article... [Re: phey]
    Dude Offline

    Registered: 10/04/11
    Posts: 2856

    #160748 - 06/21/13 12:26 PM Re: A great article... [Re: Dude]
    KADmom Offline

    Registered: 03/11/13
    Posts: 690
    Originally Posted By: Dude

    Wow. I thought at first it was an article from the Onion. How surreal.

    #160755 - 06/21/13 02:46 PM Re: A great article... [Re: phey]
    HowlerKarma Offline

    Registered: 02/05/11
    Posts: 5181
    Believe it or not, this is actually used by American parents as justification for cheating, bullying, and general Tiger/helicopter parenting, too--

    How will my child possibly compete against fraudulent Chinese SAT scores?? It's only fair that I do {appalling unethical thing}.

    Suuuuuuure. They're just "leveling the playing field."

    I mean, I am sympathetic. Because everyone in higher ed KNOWS that a lot of the scores from China are completely fraudulent at this point, but two wrongs sure don't make it right!!


    Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.

    #160757 - 06/21/13 03:24 PM Re: A great article... [Re: phey]
    GinaW Offline

    Registered: 08/09/12
    Posts: 90
    I saw a quote today that reminded me of this thread. "Happiness is not the absence of problems, it's the ability to deal with them."*

    It's easy for me to drift into a mild helicoptering mode (I've absolutely never contemplated cheating for my kid and never would but I have to watch the amount of advice I give on projects, etc...) The one thing I try to remember that is if my kids don't learn to deal with problems on their own they will be miserable adults. These parents aren't protecting their kids but merely postponing the inevitable and making it worse. (Health concern helicoptering excluded.)

    I'm not ever going to be a free range parent who drops my 8 year old at a public park and goes away for two hours. But I am going to sit on the bench and let him play alone or ride his bike around the track, even if I have to silently hold my breath for the 5 minutes I can't see him.

    On a slightly related note- has anyone read this? I've only started it, but it seems to make the point that kids need to play outside- without direction or strong supervision- in order to meet problems and be forced to solve them independently.

    * (I've seen it attributed to both Charles Louis de Montesquieu and Steve Maraboli- I'm guessing wording by Maraboli and gist by Montesquieu)

    #160762 - 06/21/13 04:30 PM Re: A great article... [Re: phey]

    #160763 - 06/21/13 04:32 PM Re: A great article... [Re: phey]

    However, I am a protective parent and I believe the world would be a better place if parents cared a little more for their kids. And that doesn't mean to sit their exams!

    #166646 - 09/05/13 04:40 PM Re: A great article... [Re: JonLaw]
    Irena Offline

    Registered: 05/26/12
    Posts: 1722
    Originally Posted By: JonLaw

    I don't think there's a good way to shift from hellicoptering to non-hellicoptering, though.

    I went from basically what was hellicoptering to college (hard shift from complete to really no actual support) and ended up being quite non-functional for five years.

    I am not sure helicoptering is as dangerous as everyone thinks it is. I wasn't helicoptered at all... Quite the opposite, actually, bordering on parental disconnect. AND I was also pretty non-functional for a few years... LOL. I got my act together eventually.

    I can't worry about whether or not I am helicopter parent per articles and books (why are there a string constantly telling us that we are doing it all wrong all the time?) I just try to the best I can day by day, situation by situation. I have been blatantly and directly accused of being a helicopter mom and a negligent one... both within the same year. Apparently, I can't please anyone so I just do the best I can day to day, and try to adjust accordingly. I have to admit since I had parents who weren't at all involved in a supportive way in most of my life - I'd rather be a little more on the helicopter side of the spectrum to be honest... But I have learned no matter what you do and how you do it someone will be there with an article that tells you you are doing it wrong. I try to be connected with my kids... There have been times when DS8 has said to me "Don't make a big fuss mom - I'll figure something out." Sometimes I listen and sometimes I ned up intervening anyhow but I just try to be connected to my kid and make my decisions based on our discussions.

    Edited by Irena (09/05/13 04:44 PM)

    #166649 - 09/05/13 05:30 PM Re: A great article... [Re: Irena]
    Val Offline

    Registered: 09/01/07
    Posts: 3289
    Loc: California
    Originally Posted By: Irena
    I am not sure helicoptering is as dangerous as everyone thinks it is. I wasn't helicoptered at all... Quite the opposite, actually, bordering on parental disconnect. AND I was also pretty non-functional for a few years... LOL. I got my act together eventually.

    Perhaps the extremes are the problem here. Too much attention is bad and too little attention is bad. Certainly, the negligence side of this idea has been proven. I have to go eat now, but perhaps someone has done a study on the effects of over-attentiveness.

    #166655 - 09/05/13 07:56 PM Re: A great article... [Re: phey]
    HowlerKarma Offline

    Registered: 02/05/11
    Posts: 5181
    I think that the clearest examples there are going to be anecdotal or case-study like, but they are present in abundance in the literature and culture supporting a variety of chronic illnesses-- that is, parents of children with asthma, hemophilia, diabetes, etc. are often cautioned NOT to turn their kids into dependent "fragile" people.

    The reason is that if you protect them from everything and do it all for them... they learn helplessness and adopt it as part of their core identity. It's universally bad, bad news for those kids, and there are way too many of them for it to be coincidence. The most vigilant and compliant and involved parents tend to have adult children who are...

    not really capable of being independent and managing an often complex and life-threatening medical condition on their own. Many of them never live on their own, though they are certainly not disabled to the point that they couldn't live full lives. They're just too convinced that they can't do it without the parents "regulating" it all.

    Now that is truly parenting as a high-wire act. Because if you let them make mistakes, some of them could be life-threatening. But if you don't let them make mistakes, they may choose to never live that life in the first place. frown
    Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.

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