Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Identification, Testing & Assessment Advice on Grade Acceleration Please

So many of you have been extraordinarily helpful in this process for us and our ds11. Thank you!

We've just had our first meeting with the elementary school and support staff: director of advanced studies, aig instructor, principal and homeroom teacher. Our next meeting will hopefully also include the principal of the middle school where ds will be transitioning. The meeting was very positive. (I feel very lucky in that everyone has understood what gifted children need--most of the people involved have gifted children of their own) DS was determined to be an excellent candidate for whole grade acceleration.

Now the tricky part: he has several options, advance in math only, advance in LA only, though the director said it would be better if he received more differentiation within that subject rather than just advance him, or whole grade acceleration. DH and I have reservations about the whole grade, simply because ds has perfectionist tendencies which slow him up and though he's working on it and we've seen some improvement, he's not socially adept yet. He has friends, but doesn't have patience for some kids.

However, when we asked him this afternoon, he wants whole grade acceleration. I don't want our reticence to hold him back. I know on the one hand, this is probably what he needs to soar. But, yes, I'm afraid of the unknown. There, I said it.

Those of you who've made this decision, and I know some of you have already been generous in talking about your experiences, if you'd be willing to share your dcs experiences, I'd be grateful.

I would think perfectionism was an argument FOR a woke grade skip.

Oh, please elaborate, Mumofthree, though I think I know what you mean. We've already explained to him we'd rather see him challenged and getting Bs than getting As in classes he's not having to work in. Is this what you mean?

And thanks!

Someone like HK will hopefully give a better explanation, but I'll come back later when I'm not on my phone and give it a bash.

Yes-- if he can get 100% on pretty much anything he's offered, then that is not a sufficiently challenging educational environment for him to be in.

Because if that is true, then they will probably develop one or more maladaptive perfectionistic strategies to provide appropriate challenge.

1. Classic driving perfectionism-- I must do everything perfect so that I am worthy, and then I may bask in my own glory. These are workaholic types.


2. outwardly directed (less common as a response to unchallenging environment)

or...

3. EVERYONE expects me to get 100%. All the time. If I do not get 100%, I have failed. 100% = 'acceptable' and 'not 100%' = complete and total personal failure. Everyone will think I am horrible and unworthy and so will I. Some subtypes here use self-sabotage/handicapping and procrastination to avoid the risk of "failure." In other words, school/work refusal. This is socially prescribed perfectionism.

Number 3 is the killer version of perfectionism. I mean that quite literally, by the way-- this is the type most associated with disordered eating, with depression, and with other bad, bad, BAD outcomes.

It's also the kind that most perfectionistic introverts of very high ability seem most prone to developing in severely unchallenging settings. Why?

Well-intended adults in such settings constantly tell children "just do your best, dear..." which is GOOD advice for most children... but very, very, very bad advice for HG children in unchallenging settings. They KNOW that "best" is always 100%. They've learned this through ample empirical evidence. This global message from adults that they love and respect is toxic, sadly-- because of the implications for them.

Ergo-- anything less than "100%" is what, then? Right. "Not your best work." Personal failure and failure to meet the expectations of EVERYONE who matters to them.

You can talk and talk and talk until you're blue in the face, by the way, but the belief that others are imposing an impossibly high standard is persistent-- in spite of anything you may say to refute it.



Now, my DD's perfectionism doesn't require for us to make sure that she cannot get A's. Just that earning them requires really hard work. An A+ is not a guarantee even with that hard work.


Does that help?

Yes, this helps so much. I hope the damage hasn't been already been done or too much of it, anyway. He does seem to be loosening up a bit and I hope we can find a way to help him over the summer and throughout the next year to accept mistakes and really, really integrate the knowledge that hard work is a good and necessary habit.

He might be a 3 type if that can happen without getting that feeling from parents. We're pretty laid back in many ways--almost to a fault. But who knows. This kind of thing doesn't come from a vacuum...

He'll erase lines in a drawing or a math problem until it meets his expectation. He drew this amazing street view and it had an erasure rip in it and I took it to have it framed (with his permission) and he got to hear the framers compliment it. No one pointed out the rip. It's hanging on our wall. Just today, he pointed out the rip again, and I explained how the rip didn't even register with me. The work was beautiful as it was. Wabi-sabi.

Another question:

If we chose subject acceleration rather than whole grade:

Though LA is his strongest subject both in achievement and ability, the director of advanced studies didn't recommend acceleration in that subject because it would be more of the same. And though math is a relative weakness, that would be recommended.
And more specifically...slowness on computation.

Would this be setting him up to struggle?

Any thoughts on this?

Well, you'd think so, but they can absorb pretty subtle messages and twist the interpretation. If you praise too MUCH for high quality work (as opposed to effort) then that can backfire. Now, when my DD earns 100% on something, I'm a little offhand about my compliments when she tells me, unless she worked really hard, and then I praise her EFFORT. I discourage others from effusive praise for exceptional-seeming performance from her, too. (Those people mostly think that I'm insane, by the way, but I don't care.)

That has seemed to help a lot, for whatever it's worth.

Hard to say-- your anecdote could be either the first or the third type, honestly.

What is your son's strongest PASSION? That is where he most NEEDS appropriate instruction. What did the director mean by "more of the same?" Presumably the entire curriculum isn't leveled readers and worksheets, no? So maybe he needs to be accelerated to his actual readiness level, not just "one year" to throw you a bone. KWIM?

Slowness on computation is a problem if math isn't a passion. Because it will feel like demand is stepped up, all right, but not the reward for meeting it. Does that make sense?

In general, I also don't tend to seek input in a single session with my DD about this. She's a fabulously unreliable narrator over it, and it's so situational that all I get are snapshots which are about the contemporaneous feelings toward various subjects. I have to observe what makes her happiest, what she procrastinates most on, what she does that she DOESN'T intend to show others, etc. and make decisions on that basis. She does NOT do math for fun. She reads, helps other people, talks about things (all kinds of things) draws and writes poetry for fun.

So math acceleration alone would be a disaster-- she's not highly intrinsically motivated for the subject, so it's all external pressure.

Yes, we are deliberate in celebrating "the hard work" rather than the grade, but when most of the grades are As (he's had 3 Bs in his whole school experience and they averaged out to As at the end of the year anyway) I suppose praising the hard work may be a bit silly--particularly when he only really works hard in one subject.

"What is your son's strongest PASSION? That is where he most NEEDS appropriate instruction. What did the director mean by "more of the same?" Presumably the entire curriculum isn't leveled readers and worksheets, no? So maybe he needs to be accelerated to his actual readiness level, not just "one year" to throw you a bone. KWIM?
"

This is what my gut is saying. I want to support him in his passion. He loves reading, writing, science, etc. Math is not his passion. Some of this is because of his perfectionist/speed issues, and some of this is from lack of self-faith in ability.

PRECISELY.

We afterschool language arts, and have from the beginning. Letting the school set the pace there has not been acceptable and this has been true even with a fabulous teacher that my DD has looped with since 8th grade.

The curriculum alone just isn't meaty enough for her to sink her teeth into. It's like she's starving for more, and school certainly isn't giving it to her. Even in terms of her writing, while she can meet demands, the real problem is that the demands stop short of what she actually needs to be learning.

You raise some excellent points, Mon, and you raise the issues I'm afraid of: that ds love of literature and writing will wither on the vine.

I understand what you are saying because these were my concerns too. However, we did a whole grade skip for my DD, skipping 6th grade. Wow, what a difference. The best decision we ever made. She has taken off more than we could ever imagine: academically, socially and it helped with her extreme perfectionism too!
PM me if you want to talk some more.

Wow!! Thanks for this.

My daughter is younger (7 in second grade) but we did whole grade acceleration after the first quarter of kindergarten. After she was moved, I had my doubts as to the wisdom of the decision, but she has adjusted well and is now at the top of her grade in terms of achievement. As it turned out, she was diagnosed with ADHD after she was moved to first grade, but she has done well despite that (probably because she responds well to meds). So even if there are some challenges, a child can adjust and do well. A lot of it is peer pressure and not wanting to stick out as being immature. Kids feed off each other and want to do advanced things like the kids they are with. If they are the top kid in the class and no one is at their level, none of that is going on. She started acting a lot more mature immediately after she was moved.
Of course she is younger, and it is probably easier the lower the grade. My son who is in kindergarten is very advanced with reading and math but I wouldn't move him up a grade because he is way too immature with certain things (like motor skills) and his motivation level is lacking. It depends on the circumstances and the child's strengths and weaknesses. If your son is in favor of it, then that is a very strong reason to try it. It's a hard decision to make not having a crystal ball.