Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy it JUST hit me

Well, but probably not in their minds. I find that perspective-taking is a very useful thing, here.

Most people don't become educators or administrators for the express purpose of controlling others or indulging in an endless power trip.

The pay just isn't that good, for one thing, and you don't have the kind of autonomy that would make it worth it.

So why DO they do it?

Because they like teaching, because they like kids, something along those lines. I seldom assume that a teacher DISLIKES my child. That usually isn't true, even when there is some hostility in play. Usually they are trying to leverage something out of her... whether we agree or not... and usually they have the best of intentions, however misguided.

So if you are having an advocacy problem, one of several things is almost always the case:

a) communication lapse
b) good faith on both sides, but philosophical irreconcilable differences
c) lack of data to support a conclusive, data-driven result.

In the case of GT advocacy, it can be all of those things. But it is very seldom active malice. (Now, I won't say never, because we've been there, but it's rare.)

So my take is that I look at those three factors and ask what I can do to better understand where the other person is coming from (often they have anecdote informing a position which is profoundly at odds with what we believe and have experienced ourselves), how I can diplomatically CHANGE that perspective with more data or better communication, and finally, a hard look at my OWN biases and consideration of whether or not the other party has a point that I am not heeding sufficiently well.

So when the school said to us;

"You can't both skip AND place into GT coursework. Both are options for differentiation, but you have to choose which one to use."

We considered the source (a person who didn't know my DD and wasn't familiar with her as a student) and referred that person to experts that s/he WOULD listen to (my DD's teachers), since we weren't getting through.

I'm big on "show me where it says that" in advocacy problems. It clarifies what is policy, what is law, and what is one person's opinion. You'd be surprised how often those things become conflated in educational bureaucracy.

Hold it right there! What?!?!

ETA FTAOD my point is - it's literally incredible that you can be sure, when your child is 7, that something will work for the next 10 years. If you can, you need to write the book/bottle the magic!

Ugh ya'll. This is depressing. I know dd6 is unusual. And the school just does not see it all and thinks I am a crazy parent invested in a gifted label whether my child needs it or not. There are a few things I would change, but overall we have lucked out with advocating for dd12 and she has generally had a goodish fit (private Montessori until 5th grade, then skipped 6th in large challenging public). I guess I am lucky though because depending on what the WISC eventually shows, there is an acceleration process in the district whether the principal is philosophically opposed to it or not. But mostly, they just don't see it with dd6.

I'm uncertain of the scenario 22B is in so I may be way out of line, however, I'd tend to agree with ColinsMum. I've yet to meet the parent (and my wife has taught GT for 14 years) who had it all figured out how best to serve their GT child at age 7, even if they'd previously done so with one full grown. Situations, circumstances, individual needs, etc. are just too widely varied and change regularly.

this calls to mind the one positive administrator-interaction i've had this year, from the new principal at the local public school. he told me that this sort of kid literally needs a re-calibration every few weeks, and that is indeed the entire point of parent-school communication.

i can't even express how much more relaxed i suddenly felt. and he was SO matter of fact about it - like it was no big deal. just awesome.

Let me clarify. We're in a virtual school. All we're asking is that they send the next course when the previous one is completed, (instead of having to wait 9 months for the next school year to start). If this would happen then we'd be perfectly satisfied that they were providing everything they could be expected to provide, not that we'd be perfectly satisfied in absolute terms.

Heck, I would be tempted to build a shrine (laffin)

Me too!! (not laughing, even...)

Gotcha.

Is this a matter of "local teachers/admins are fine with this" and "national org, not-so-much?"

We've had that particular problem too. The solution is that you need to involve the highest level LOCAL (state-level) administrator who can deal with national. They'll pay more attention to him/her than to you.

Believe me, at 7yo, we would have thought this was the worst of our problems with our virtual charter school, too...

heheheh... Boy, were we wrong about that. But yes, at 7, this was definitely the problem.



ETA: if you really get in a situation where you're irritated not only with national (for not shipping curriculum and delaying/lying to you) then you can always do what we threatened to... just start recording zeros for attendance hours. THAT got their attention. {innocently} "Well, it seemed wrong to lie about how much time DD was spending working on the curriculum, since we... er... don't HAVE any right now..."

i know, right?! and this was the response i got after telling him that my kid has a string of school problems as long as his arm (desperately sad/hiding her ability/morphing herself into whatever everyone wants/no friends yet almost unbelievably popular/wants to quit school/wishes she was dead.) i didn't even say "gifted" - he just inferred it based on the problems. (!!!)

so i'm totally in for the shrine. hey - maybe i'll start a thread here in september so we can all worship him accordingly! i would love to have some good stories for a change... the past few months have been brutal.