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    Joined: Oct 2011
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    Perhaps it's just the group of people I'm around, but we often brag about how smart our kids are to each other. I suppose it's mostly just luck, but I'm friends with two women (we were all pregnant at the same time) and our 3 boys (all 9, 3rd grade) are all amazing readers! We often chat with each other about what books to get them, about how the school is basically failing to teach them anything when it comes to english... Their kids are also good at math.. I don't think they've had their 2 tested, though.

    (What's extra funny is all 3 of us happened to get pregnant with our 2nd at the same time and all 3 of the younger kids are like crazy people, and couldn't give two craps about school work, lol.)


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    i only recently realized how i've spent 5 years minimizing everything - generally characterizing DD5 as "interesting & fun" - because it neatly sidesteps the issue.

    up until this year, i did have one (childless) friend that was safe, but when we recently had to go the psychologist route to figure out why the kid was wanting to quit kindergarten, the conversation with my friend shut down faster than you can say "gifted." it was pretty shocking to hear my best friend of 35 years tell me that my kid "might have been slightly ahead of the curve for years, but now you're finally seeing that they all even out in the end." ha - i guess it wasn't a safe conversation after all!

    so now it's just my mum and my husband's parents who hear the real stories: and as they frequently say... they understand, because they raised us. everyone else gets the old chestnut, "she's quite an interesting person." which is quite good, because it leaves the door open for the other parent to chime in, "they all are, aren't they?" which is quite true - even if they don't all even out in the end.

    Originally Posted by master of none
    When shopping for schools, my DH and I had a script of words we could use so we didn't seem like THAT parent and could be taken seriously. It's a landmine.
    school conversations really are the worst - i spent all of this year feeling like i'd fallen into the Twilight Zone. the silver lining is that when it was time to cut our losses, i was able to simply describe the litany of problems to each school... you know, by way of giving the principal the chance to say "no thanks" up front. i heard a few of those, but we settled on the one who said, "oh, she's clearly gifted - we love that here." i didn't have to say a thing... - he just had a plan, ready to go.

    Last edited by doubtfulguest; 04/29/13 06:43 AM.

    Every Sunday it brooded and lay on the floor. Inconveniently close to the drawing-room door.
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    Originally Posted by master of none
    Agree. The problem comes when you are in a group of people who have something in common such as a sport, a classroom, etc. People are getting to know each other and often they bond over that commonality. As story swapping begins, people are looking for more commonality, and this is where things veer off for us. I think most parents are a bit guarded and color their stories to match the audience. Well, maybe excepting the parents who go on and on about the color of their baby's poop.

    Lol!

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    I'm going to go out on a limb here and admit I'm guilty of misunderstanding another parent's situation. Her child could read in preschool and is subject advanced twice in math and I assumed his advancement was a product of the many worksheets she made him do before K, and the strict regimen of Latin and Chinese and music, etc. I didn't judge her in a negative way, just made the assumption that she was simply getting results due to pushing the child to work harder.

    Even after having an older son who was identified as gifted and then my youngest. I should have known better. I do now.

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    Originally Posted by doubtfulguest
    i only recently realized how i've spent 5 years minimizing everything - generally characterizing DD5 as "interesting & fun" - because it neatly sidesteps the issue.

    Or complicated, multi-layered, intense, sensitive, creative, distracted, high maintenance, energetic, etc etc. These are all words I've used with minimal negative impact. smile

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    Originally Posted by CCN
    Or complicated, multi-layered, intense, sensitive, creative, distracted, high maintenance, energetic, etc etc. These are all words I've used with minimal negative impact. smile

    Oh yes, sensitive and intense, are descriptions that fit our ds, and however true, they're are often met with mild disapproval.

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    You know, there are children who are hot-housed in sports, too. Maybe next time the other parents are jumping on you for making your child do worksheets, you could turn it around on them... why are they making their child run laps, and practice drills for hours on end, when they should be playing with their friends?

    And then, once the defenses come rolling in:

    - "It's what he likes to do"
    - "We couldn't stop him if we tried."

    Then you say... "Exactly."

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    I have wonderfully supportive friends and family who are fascinated and amazed by my eldest. Some of his talents are kind of like party tricks, and they all think it's pretty cool. So I definitely post many things about my son's achievements on Facebook. I also want my son to feel proud of himself; and so he should because he is pretty amazing smile

    However, with acquaintances and strangers I am less forthcoming. Some people can get really funny, and take it less as "my kid is smart", and more as "your kid is stupid". I wait until they ask questions, if they ever, and I answer honestly. I am not going to act like being gifted is bad and shameful.

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    Quote
    My theory about this as well as related issues (such as why swimming classes are sorted by ability whereas academic classes are sorted by age) is that deep down, people understand that it's the academic/intellectual stuff that really matters and that the sports stuff is just fluff.

    I agree with this, actually. And while to some degree American society is anti-intellectual, a study just came out showing that Americans are extremely attached to the idea that their kids are smart--far more so than parents in other nations.

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    Well if someone has met DS, then I don't have a lot to explain. If they haven't, then I don't really need to share.

    Similar conversations for me go like this:

    Them: "My son is a star in baseball."

    Me: "That's great, I bet he gets lots of touchdowns. We're hoping that DS7 learns to catch this year. Maybe if I could ever drag him away from his algebra videos, we could spend more time practicing catching."

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