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Check out this interesting article - �Three Huge Mistakes We Make Leading Kids� and How to Correct Them� http://growingleaders.com/blog/3-mistakes-we-make-leading-kids

I recall learning to spin 360 degrees around the playground bar with one leg back in elementary. It was terrifying and exhilarating all in one.
It was a surprise to me years later to see they had removed them because of possible injuries. How sad to realize many will never know the thrill of making their clumsy bodies behave as I finally made mine.

Now apparently even Dodgeball is under attack...

Back in the 70's it was all about telling a child something would be fun in order to get them to try it and then the "self-esteem" and "no child left behind" movements followed.

My mom used to tell me when I was in elementary that she was sick to death hearing about how this thing or that thing isn't "fun", and I didn't want to do it. She reminded me that life isn't fun. Fun was the operative motivator in my day.

Much of life isn't fun, just as she said; and it was a cruel thing to do to my generation to make out like it would be.

Thanks, Mark. Loved the article. The best advice I got as a new mom was " children are made out of rubber, not glass." I let my dd3.5 play rough, fall and get back up, hang from breakfast bars,etc.- things that freak my risk-averse husband out. Otoh, my parents let me loose and I did a lot of risky things as a kid that I am not sure I will let my kid do. For example, I travelled cross country alone by train when I was 13. Today, i am a very independent, strong woman. I would like to bring up my dd the same way but in some ways, maybe, the world is more scary today than when i was a child. i don't know.

What makes it scary is how aware you are of the dangers. The ways a kid could be hurt traveling across country are the same now as they were then.

My DW was stalked by sexual predators around age 13, just traveling to/from school.

Agree! Agree! I think my parents were just naive to the dangers that were out there. In the summer time I could leave the house in the morning and ride my bicycle all over town, all day, as long as I was home for lunch and supper and when the street lights came on. Of course we didn't have cell phones back then, so they had no idea where I was. I too was fairly naive until I got a job in the legal system. Today I would never let my kids do what I was able to do, and that is sad, but I know the specifics of what is out there and just how close by the dangers are.

A good book that address's some of this is, The Blessings of a skinned knee, by Wendy Mogel

http://www.amazon.com/The-Blessing-Skinned-Knee-ebook/dp/B000FBJGCC/ref=dp_kinw_strp_1

I seem to be the only one here, but I hated the article. I thought that the examples were so over-the-top that it just lacked credibility to me. I have a dd who graduated from college last year and one graduating in a month, and I have NEVER heard examples like the ones that were given. I can't imagine a young adult interrupting a professor in the middle of class to hand him/her the phone to chat with mom, or a mom calling the college president to make sure her child wore a sweater. Ridiculous! One of my dds went to a small school and one went to a big10 university and good Lord, no parent could get right through to the president at either one.
Frankly, I'm pretty happy that things have changed since my parents smoked around us nonstop and didn't use seatbelts... happy that perhaps fewer kids are getting abused by a trusted adult because there are stricter guidelines in many organizations. And I'm thrilled that parents are sharing positive emotions and love that many of our older parents felt awkward doing.
The other stuff has always been an issue, and that's not about being risk averse, IMHO, it's about spoiling, and wanting to be your child's friend. My kids have never whined for a toy in the store (and the youngest is now 11) because it would never have been tolerated. We have always praised effort (but frankly, my kids are smart so I tell them that and say that this means they need to put the effort forth. They have no excuse except laziness for not doing well). I do expect them to join clubs, try sports, experience new things... and stick with them. I expect them to work hard and do chores (and no, not for money, ever). And my kids don't play their parents off of each other (my dh and I always present a united front and our rules are very straightforward). They don't cheat because, according to our dd graduating from college this year, "it was pure fear that you would kill me."
I see nuggets of truth in this article, but mostly I see an incredibly annoying, "oh, back in the day when life was good." Yes, there were good things about growing up in the 60s, 70s and 80s and there are good things about growing up now. But a lot of this helicopter parent drama seems a tad too conveniently urban myth. We're not like that, our kids and our kids' friends aren't like that, but we've heard about someone, somewhere, who is.

Hi Montofour

I agree that the examples are over the top. That being said, I still believe independent behavior as a rule has been hurt by an over informed, over anxious public. Myself included. My 10 year old does not walk to school (Large urban city), and probably won't until he is 12 or 13. We live 2-3 blocks from the school. He does not ride his bike alone in the street. I take him to his friend’s house, or they to ours. I am not alone in this behavior; the same is true of his friends and many of the children I know. I understand things have changed; a large part of social contact is not playing in the street, but playing online. None of my kids have ever gone to a BSA campout without me, I did allow my now 20 year old to go on an 8th grade trip across the country for a week, however on the same type of trip the year before my DW went with him. My parents either through non attention (Maybe) or less fear of danger (Most likely) let me stay out till dark when I was in elementary school. Granted I grew up mostly in a rural area, and did not have the internet and only 3-5 channels on TV. I like you do not tolerate laziness, I try to praise effort, I hold my children accountable, and I do allow and encourage risk. The helicopter parent is not a myth, I see it every day (I can name names, but I won't) I am glad to hear that you are not one. I do however believe that our parents and even their parents looked at raising children differently than we do. Each generation seems to change how they raise children, many in an effort to help them avoid the so called suffering they believed they experienced. I do believe a little hardship can be good for you, and that failure at a young age can make you stronger. Many parents I know protect their children from failure, from disappointment. I am a scout leader and we are big on the scouts doing for themselves, teaching themselves, and failing if needed. For many of the boys this is new, and it takes them (and sometimes their parents) some time to understand the philosophy of this. So although the article is a bit over the top, it does not change the truth that some of the changes of an involved parent can be a detriment when overdone.

Hmmm. Yes, I agree with Edwin.

Also, even as early as 1999-2000, I (and other colleagues, who have periodically informed my DH and I both that it has become even more common since) was getting the occasional phone call from parents-- who wanted to discuss their college student children with me.

Our administration, in fact, began sending out quarterly REMINDERS that we were NOT permitted to do this, because it was illegal to discuss students who were emancipated with any third party. Yes, their parents might have been writing the checks, but those educational records were still private.

I also know of two specific instances in the past five years alone in which the parent of a special needs student became pretty irate with me when I suggested (based on my own faculty experiences) that they needed to let their college student son/daughter take the lead in advocating for their needs-- and that they were NOT doing anyone any favors by "intervening" with campus services, faculty, or administration via phone from across the country. One of those-- really, REALLY not kidding-- involved a mom who freaked out when her DD didn't return texts for some period of time, and became unhinged that campus police wouldn't "update" her on the situation in real time. Because her DD was not feeling great and was sleeping. After letting her dorm-mates know that she was going to sleep for a while. So yeah. Child was behaving fine. Mom, not-so-much.

I enjoyed the article and I really like Tim Elmore. He substitute pastors at my church from time to time and he is always a pleasure to listen to. He usually has relevant good solid advice.

I agree with Edwin and I think (hope) that there are many of us parents who will read the article and understand that we are not part of the problem. That being said, it does not mean that the problem does not exist.

While definitely not a helicopter parent, I am overprotective in regard to safety. I also won't let my almost 9 year old play outside alone, while many other families in the area do. I will also not let her travel alone. I do let her go with trusted friends and relatives without me, but they have to be people who I know VERY well and trust completely and feel confident with their judgement.

I do let her take risks, explore, do things that my mother used to forbid me to do (heck, sometimes wishing I was still young enough, flexible enough to do them with her).

I have seen a lot of parents who don't though and who try to control every little environmental and social factor pertaining to their children.

I completely disagree with the self esteem generation. I believe that you can and should help your child develop a healthy but realistic self esteem. By realistic I mean, not everyone is winners, teach them how to lose with grace and dignity. If an adult in authority reprimands your child, teach your child to respect and listen to the adult. Don't excuse the behavior and discuss in front of your child 100 reasons why the adult was wrong and the feedback is not applicable to your child. Teach your children compassion, accountability, responsibility and respectfulness. These things should help your child develop a pretty wonderful self esteem on their own.

When my daughter was in 2nd grade I was the room parent. I had to plan a game for a party. In this day and age, I realize everyone has to be a winner. So I took a pumpkin bucket and put individually wrapped candies in it. I had the kids play hot potato with the bucket, as they stood in a circle. When the music stopped, the kid holding the bucket could take a piece of candy out of the bucket, but they had to leave the circle and the game.

In the end, the final child who was not eliminated got to keep the bucket and all candy that was left inside the bucket.

When the other kids realized this they started protesting and yelling at me: That is not fair! Hey, we only got one, this is so unfair!!

They criticized and protested, rather then congratulate the student that actually won the game.

I looked at the kids and said, wrong! This game was totally and completely fair. Everyone had an equal chance to win (it wasn't based on intelligence or skill, simply on dumb luck) and everyone received a prize (at least one piece of candy) for playing. I told them how disappointed I was that they were so busy complaining that they failed to congratulate the boy who won the game and acknowledge his success.

The teacher came up to me afterwards and thanked me for saying that.

IMHO, that is a small example of how children are being raised to think only of themselves, with no regard or respect to the others around them.