Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Really upsetting meeting with principal

Okay, the principal at my son's school is really upsetting me. I mean, I am just floored. So, I just had a very unpleasant encounter with him in person where he told me that we would not speak at the IEP meeting (to which I am bringing an advocate and he is aware that I am doing so) about the para's comments to my son about his scribing accommodations. First, he tells me that we are no longer going to communicate in writing/email and now this? So I said "oh yes we'll discuss it at the iep mtg that is one of the reasons we are meeting, because you didn't want to discuss it in writing." He said he would be "happy to talk with me about it alone after the iep meeting." I said "why? why wouldn't we discuss this at the iep meeting?" He said "Because it is a personnel issue." I said "well it may be that but it is a personnel issue that affected my son's IEP accommodations and his learning environment so it more than appropriate we discuss it at the IEP meeting." He continued to argue and said something like he would only deal with myself or my husband. I think that was his way of stating he will not talk around or with the advocate present. Seriously? Can he do that? I just said "we'll talk about it on Monday." And I plan on bringing it up with the advocate there so he can say in front of her or at the iep meeting that he will not discuss the para incident during the IEP. This guy is actually starting to scare me. I thought he was such a nice guy and it seem like when we are alone he gets very intimidating... I am so upset, my stomach is in knots. Whenever I get this stressed I drop weight like crazy and I have lost like 2 lbs in the past two days.

Not to take his side (cause he sounds overall unpleasant to me,) but I know in a regular company managers are strictly forbidden from discussing personnel issues outside of the specific employee, human resources, and chain of management. Even if something impacted someone outside of that chain, we could only communicate that the problem was addressed and what the procedure is if the problem reoccurs. I would guess a public school would be under similar strictures and perhaps moreso if there is a union involved.

I don't understand how he can unilaterally impose a written communications embargo.

I hesitate to make any snap recommendation without knowledge of the specific policies in your district. However, I should think that the matter could be addressed by continuing to communicate in writing by email or registered mail, keeping a record of ignored communications, and launching a complaint with the superintendent. A complaint citing the comment by the principal would also help in indicating that the lack of communication is deliberate.

Many busy parents are unable to schedule calls or face-to-face meetings during a (unionized) principal's work hours. I can't think of any industry where refusal to communicate in the client's preferred mode of communication would be acceptable.

Actually I would be okay with this. I just want to know that it has been address, and what they are doing, i.e. was she talked to? (he does not have to tell me what was said) given additional training? or will she no longer be scribing for DS? DS says she hasn't been scribing for him so I think they just pulled her form him and that's fine. I also want to discuss how to avoid the problem in the future - having paras that will be providing accommodations to DS at the iep and educating them on why DS gets a scribe and how not to belittle DS.

I guess I'll see what the advocate says. It was she, in fact,who advised me to follow up with what happened to para and what the results of the principal's mtg with para were, was she talked to? given disability sensitivity training? Or was she removed/replaced.

Get the advocate's advice on this. If you've signed waiver papers allowing the advocate to work with the school, I see no reason for them not to be included in the conversation.

Yes, I do see it as stonewalling.

DeeDee

This is a total guess on my part, but it sounds like your principal is trying to be sure he doesn't say or communicate anything in writing that the district could get sued over. I'm also guessing that it's possible you aren't the first family who's had an issue with this para and maybe there's a history or more to the story than you are privy to knowing. SOOOoooooo... with that in mind, I still think you can address this issue at your meeting. You don't have to mention the para by name to mention the problem that happened when a para was in the classroom working with your ds - so most definitely, put it in the meeting notes or in your comments or in a meeting summary to someone that ____ happened. Don't be put off by the principal being worried about paper trails or meeting minutes.

I'm also guessing your advocate will have some good advice and possibly insight on what's going on.

Sending you a hug - I can't imagine how frustrating your conversation must have been!

polarbear

ps - I would also, fwiw, send an email today back to the principal describing everything that was said in the conversation you had with him. Tell him he doesn't have to respond unless there is something you've misunderstood, you're just sending the email to summarize the conversation to be sure you were clear on what you heard.

Well, it seems like now the message is 'I won't talk with you if you have an advocate present.' I am of stable mind in general LOL and I am relatively intelligent and relatively well-educated and that is the implied message I am getting.

First, he says "no more emailing, we talk in person" *specifically* in response to an email I sent inquiring about the para situation. I say "okay, I am fine with talking via email but I respect your desire to meet, let's meet" He says "let's have an iep meeting and we'll discuss your concerns and finalize IEP." I say "okay and btw, a advocate is coming with me" and then, today he says "oh I won't discuss certain things in the iep meeting." ???? and "I only want to deal with you or your husband" ???

I would just ignore him on this. He sounds like he is trying to intimidate you out of bringing an advocate so that he can pull the wool over your eyes if he feels like it at the meeting. I'm guessing your school district's SPED policy handbook will have a section that specifically addresses who can be present at an IEP meeting and that it will include parents being able to bring an advocate... so you could pull out a copy of the policy if you want to and bring it to the meeting along with your advocate And I'm guessing your advocate will be able to help you find the notation in the policy quickly if it's there

polarbear

ps - I think I remember that you are a lawyer - is that correct? I half-wonder if maybe the principal is intimidated by that?

I don't even care what happened to the para... I just want to be sure the situation was addressed and that it doesn't happen again, that's all.

He is freaking me out... I am really quite shocked by his behavior. I guess this is what happens when you mention "violation of iep" and "procedural safeguards" apparently I have flipped a switch in this guy with those two phrases. I am almost sorry I uttered them as he is nothing like the guy I dealt with back in September.

Also, he "planned" this impromptu meeting... He got the assistant principal there in his office waiting for me when he said "you got a minute to talk in person?" I said "sure" .. when I got back there he and the assistant VP were both waiting there for me. She didn't say anything. I really think I am going to have to start recording all of our meetings. It's like he keeps trying to get me alone to intimidate me.