Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Captain Literal Strikes Again

I'm actually just commiserating... my own ds12 isn't Asperger's, but on the big spectrum, he and my ITguy dh are certainly to one side of the middle.
Last year I asked him multiple times why an online grade was zero... he kept insisting that he handed the paper in. Finally I emailed the teacher, who called me that night to say that she had indeed found the paper, lost in a pile. However, she added that she had been asking him for three days, "Do you have that paper?" "Grades are due soon, are you sure you don't have that paper?" Each time, he would respond "no," but at no time did he think to add, "Because I handed it in." When I asked him WHY, he said, "She didn't ask if I handed it in. She asked if I had it. I didn't have it, because I had already handed it in." It actually can look snarky or sarcastic at times when he responds that way, but it's truly just him being his literal self.
SIGH...
I think dh has trained himself to "decode" what people want and how to respond (even to add in emotion, lol, which is hard for both of them) but I don't think it comes naturally. They are both SOOO smart at many things, but at catching nuances and such, not at all.
I try to tell all of ds's teachers, "Please be explicit. Please don't make him infer stuff. Please write it down if possible," and I also have a lot of discussions with ds that start out, "okay, tell me exactly what s/he said..." (that's where having a great memory comes in handy :)).
Dh encourages me because he is so much like ds, but he has really successfully learned to broaden his communication style- both what he says and what he hears, if that makes sense. I just try to think about what I'm saying, and unlike some others have said, I find that being broad doesn't really work with my ds. He gets flustered if there is any interpretation to be done, so very specific directions work best for him. If I can hand him a list, all the better. I know that doesn't help for quick "go get these dishes" types of conversations, but it might work well for longer chores. We make to-do lists for everyone each weekend and we have a family meeting every Sunday, which helps.
I also find that he can't make the, "and so...." leap. You can say, "how much homework do you have this weekend, because we are busy all day Sunday" but he won't hear the implied, "so do it Saturday." You can say, "I'm going to the library during the day today" and he won't hear "do you need any books?" I have to be very explicit. I actually think in my head, "and so..." and I teach him to both think that and say that. It is a skill that can be taught to a certain extent...
Good luck You definitely aren't alone!

I shouldn't laugh at this, but it IS funny. You're right--people say the weirdest stuff to kids. WE don't like to? Okay, lady, but *I* like to.

I'm wondering whether to push back a bit on this one with the teacher:

The class was talking about the bartering system that was used in America (we live in the Southwest where it was settled long before the east coast) in the 1600's, and the teacher said, "And imagine if you had an iPhone what it might be worth, and that people would bid on it higher and higher ..."

My son interjected, "Actually if you had a functioning iPhone in the 1600's, which is an impossibility in itself, they would probably think you were a witch and would execute you in the one of the ways they did witches in the 1600's, like burning at the stake."

The class laughed and the teacher pulled my son aside and told him he shouldn't be disruptive and needed to focus on the concepts being taught more.

My son told me about what happened today and said he still didn't understand why the teacher was mad, why the kids laughed at what he said, or why the teacher would think he needed to focus when what he was talking about was very focused...

ARGHHHH

ABQ, the thing that is striking to me is that by this point in the year, the teachers should know your DS well enough to know that this kind of thing happens. I mean, they all have copies of his IEP, you've introduced him and his issues to all of them.

However, I also get it that this is the point in the year where some teachers lose their patience because they realize that our kids won't be "fixed" by their hard work in the course of a year. Our experience is that the teachers get burned out on DS around now. Shouldn't happen, does.

Still, it's disappointing that she's not willing to redirect him in a way that doesn't make him a laughingstock. *That* part I would discuss with her, for sure.

DeeDee

DeeDee - you are right. The "I-can't-fix-your-kid" fatigue is kicking in. I'm seeing it in all of his classes.

If the kids were laughing AT him, I'd be concerned. The problem for the teacher is that they see my son as a leader who is wonderfully funny and doesn't have a problem poking a stick at authority. They kids were laughing, because they thought my son was giving the teacher a hard time.

And that is the challenge - trying to make a teacher understand that the laughing and perceived disrespect and challenge of authority are absolutely side effects of very different motives on my son's part.

I'm with your son on this one! Who comes up with a lame example like an iPhone in the 1600's? You can't even begin to run the scenario in your mind without running into comical absurdities. No cell phone towers! No internet! NO ONE ELSE WITH A PHONE!

I teach at the university level, and I get push-back all the time on hypothetical examples I come up with. I either change my example to better fit the point I'm trying to make, or I laugh and say "C'mon, work with me, people!"

This is the teacher's fault from start to finish: 1) careless thinking on her part; 2) blaming a student for engaging in critical thought; 3) total failure of crowd-control skills; and 4) blaming the student again for #3.

The irony here is that your son is exactly the kind of kid we love to see in a college classroom, even if they need to learn to not sharpen their teeth on every passing side-issue. I see this type all the time, and they're the ones I have great hope for.

If your child is interjecting with an observation that is clearly topical, then I'm at a loss to understand what, precisely, the teacher is trying to fix. Is being engaged a problem?

It so happens that DD8 is homeschooling, and DW has punted social studies to me. DD makes interjections like this all the time, and I handle it by laughing and saying, "Good point," and moving on... unless it happens to be an interesting line of digression, in which case, we explore it.

He's quite right.

My son would have the same problem, and probably for the same reason. If she actually said "focus on the concepts being taught", then the problem is that she wants him to think about the big picture of the bartering system, and he is thinking about the details of what she is teaching, which is the iPhone. He perfectly well thinks he's paying attention to the teaching, but she's on another page altogether!

She should definitely know this by this point in the school year.

Exactly. A modicum of thinking on the teacher's part would have turned the situation around and shown the teacher in a positive light while respecting your son's insightful point.

My middle school son would have said the same thing to her OR would have had a mild ranting session about it at home afterwards that I would have had the benefit of "enjoying".