Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy 8 yo , doesn't care about behavior at school

Poor you and poor him. He is miserable and he can't do anything about it. Imagine how being that powerless would make you behave.

Yes we're in the US . I just feel it's unfair to have his behavior judged , just because the area / classroom itself doesn't suit his needs . Just like us when we're put in a place where we don't belong , we tend to behave a little awkward and to be judged like that , it just doesn't seem right .

I really don't think DS has a somewhat a masterplan behind his behavior at school . He's an open talker , he's willing to talk with you , he'll tell you what works what doesn't work for his behavior . And no there is absolutely no masterplan behind everything he does . Well there is .. it's just that he thinks he doesn't learn anything at school , and he wants to learn something , not just going to school but not learning anything , he wants something , he said he would use his time and his brain to work on something new if they ever teach me anything new he doesn't know .

So , if you were me , would you sign this paper ??? i'd think they should let us meet with them before they interview or do whatever they will to DS . Just like a therapist we're meeting next month , she wants to meet us first before she starts the therapy with DS .

The school wants to do a behavioral consultation too .. i wonder if this is another excuse for them to say " no turns out he's not a candidate for accelaration "

I feel so helpless and angry at the same time and feels like the school has changed him so much . I broke down and cried last night , i felt terrible as a parent , as if i m not doing my job , look at our son , he's so unhappy , he thinks he's a trouble maker , he feels different , he feels his friends won't like him if he doesn't make them laugh , and being told his social skills is equal to a 4-5 years old . Yet he knows he's very smart .. but we can't do anything about it . As if it's all my fault letting it to get to this point .. Our family is not happy , we're under a lot of stress .

If it were me, I would not sign the permission. You already have a professional assessment that says he is not ADHD. I had to fight hard to keep the school form labeling my son and wanting to drug him so they didn't have to deal with the fact that he was bored, under challenged and gifted in an inappropriate setting,

Also gifted testing is not a reward for good behavior - it is testing to place your child in an appropriate setting because the one now isn't working. Special Ed is for kids who are not served appropriately in a regular classroom setting with no accommodations. Gifted is special ed. I'd push for the testing. You'll find it alleviates a lot of the acting out, joke telling, etc. My older son was misbehaving before I got him tested. After they moved him to gifted, he was much better behaved. Not perfect by a long shot, but much better.

Hi, jaylivg,
I'm so sorry you're having all these problems with the school. Is homeschooling an option for you? Or finding another school? That can be difficult but it really sounds like where he is is not a good place for him. Also, if the school wants you to have him tested, you may want to consider independent (outside) testing (to fill out any additional tests the school might be thinking of), if you can afford it, although others may have more insight on this. It's just that sometimes schools want to have a kid tested so they can help them better by understanding what their issues are, and sometimes they want to put a label on them so they can 'counsel them out' (although I guess that's more an issue with private school mostly). Have you discussed the earlier report with them? If not, perhaps it would be best to go along with what the school suggests for now as long as you think they're trying to help, and see what happens. They may really be trying to do some good. Actually the checklist idea--although it sounds frustrating right now for your son--has really helped our DD9 adjust her behavior, because hers was specific, achievable goals that the teacher was helping her with, so the school then stopped mentioning medication.

Also not really helpful, but your story about your son's sense of humor reminds me of my daughter's sense of humor--very inappropriate most of the time! Fortunately she now understands that she is not to say any of this stuff at school, and we haven't gotten any bad reports about that (although the bra and panties thing I would not have thought would get a kid in trouble). She now (at age 9) enjoys the books by The Oatmeal, the Capitol Steps, and Calvin and Hobbes, all of which would probably get her in trouble if she repeated anything from any of them at school (but they're not in the school library, either!!). Her best friends are also kids who appreciate that kind of humor (and so do DH and I), so we save that stuff for home and outside school and talk to her a lot about how certain things are only appropriate outside school. Fortunately that has worked with her, and she is able to enjoy some other kids for what interests they share even though she doesn't enjoy them as much as her friends who do share that sense of humor. I hope you can find some way of helping you and your son deal with some of this stuff; I know it can be very very difficult to have problems like this and I wish I could be more helpful. Good luck! Clearly you are really trying hard to help your kid, so don't lose heart

I would not sign it.

They only want to manipulate him into doing what they want him to do. As far as I understand, he does not have a behavioural or social problem - he is just coming up with creative ways to keep himself busy, since the school/teacher is unable to do so.

7 Hours is a loooong time to be bored for when you are 8.
I think you are on a downhill slope - just my prediction.

I will not be surprised if they suggest some sort of drug in a few weeks (if you sign).

Grab your boy and run!

Agreed. From everything that I know about procedural approaches, this is the prologue to an ADHD drug recommendation from the school.

Nice way of "accommodating" his needs as a learner, huh?

I wouldn't sign.

Furthermore, I'd be exploring homeschooling resources in your area. Your DS sounds highly social and his behavior actually sounds quite well-regulated (IMO) given his personality type and particular pattern of OE's. That means that he will not be especially pleased with a solitary, in-home version of homeschooling, though.

Places to check for resources/information:

local library, parks department, colleges/uni's.

If you have a note from the doctor that he does not have ADHD (sounds like you do), they cannot suggest medication (or drug recommendation).


I agree with this. But, agreeing to an FBA does not equal agreeing to a drug recommmendation from the school. Further, schools cannot diagnose ADHD. They can, at most, recommend going to a psychologist/medical professionals to rule in/rule out ADHD. Schools also cannot push medication -- it is against the law. Schools cannot diagnose medical conditions, like ADHD/SPD/Dysgraphia etc

The FBA does this: it measures disruptive behaviors, and quantifies it. The behavior plan is developed after the FBA is done. A lot of it depends on the extent of misbehavior -- for example, a child disrupting another child's work/learning is dealt with a lot differently than a child who does not complete worksheets or follows the classroom routine (example: taking papers out of one's folder ) at a slower pace.

I would definitely ask the principal what they hope to accomplish with the FBA and to ask (in writing through email) for the list of behaviors they are planning to measure before signing anything. If you have other options, such as switching to another school in the same school district, ask for it for next year. I do think that, if the school is recommending gifted testing, you should ask for it in writing first. Get the gifted testing done, have the school provide the level of enrichment needed and see if disruptive behaviors still persist.

Hope this helps !

Unlesssss.... they HAVE such a person on-staff. And while it is technically true that schools can't force medication, they can (and DO) pressure parents to do so or hit the road, so to speak, by stonewalling with ANY other services until parents comply.

I do agree that asking for detailed specifics re: what is sought, and what will be measured, and why, and by whom, is a great idea.

I'd also preface that with "helpfulness" about the process... after all, valuing their time and resources as you do, you certainly wouldn't want them to 'waste time/resources' on something you already had investigated...

And if they include ADD in a list of reasons, you can point out that WOW, are you ever glad that you asked, because, hey-- you can check that off their list. Isn't that nice?