Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy 8 yo , doesn't care about behavior at school

He has friends outside school , we have neighbourhood kids but they're from same school although different grade . With these kids , they usually play in the weekend , or sometimes he has his friend over who's in the same grade but not in the same class .

That's the thing , it is hard for him sitting not doing anything . Sitting he can handle that , but he always has to have something to do ,read or write or holding something whether it's small ball he can squeeze , or he would create something out of paper and a pencil only , he always has to have something to do . If i try this sitting not doing anything .. how long should i let him do this ?

We started with 2 minutes when DS was little. He had to sit, no standing. It was extremely hard for him, to not do anything. We have increased it up to 10 minutes over time. You can start with 1 min if 2 mins is hard for him and gradually increase it.

Uhhh... wow.

At my house "Sitting, no reading, no talking, no nothing" was called a "time-out" and it was used to modulate inappropriate behavior.

Remember, these aren't "typical" kids. Shutting off their information/data collection mechanisms is... well, it's like shutting off their oxygen supply.

DD definitely regards it as punitive.

"Quiet time" is different than sensory/information deprivation time. I personally do NOT believe that it is helpful to HG+ kids to deprive them of self-selected and otherwise completely appropriate quiet, personally absorbing activities.


I also want to reiterate the notion that this IS how some extravert HG+ children behave when inappropriately challenged in an academic setting.

I did many of the same things-- chattering to my classmates, being somewhat "creative" with my free time, etc. Talk-talk-talk-talk-talk, as my mother said. Well. What she actually said was that {Myname} learned to talk at about nine months old and hasn't shut up since. again.

I also recall teacher comments on report cards which said things like "{My name} speaks well. And often."

These were in my so-called "gifted" classes, which STILL weren't usually at the right level.

It's truly unfair to evaluate a child's behavior in the larger sense when they don't have an appropriate academic setting to 'be' in daily.

It's also possible that this is a child who is HG/+ and simply has motor/verbal over-excitabilities. My DD has a friend who is much like this. She "flits" and always has-- setting up perhaps 2-4 different activities during play dates, and cycling endlessly between them. It's funny to watch my poor DD (who is NOT like that) trailing along, increasingly exhausted by the sheer pace of the shifts in focus.

^ Yes, it is like a timeout and my son feels it like that too at times but that has helped him develop more control when he is outside. Besides he has ample time to explore and feed his channels, so it is not like we are restricting him.
It builds his confidence at school when he doesn't get into trouble and gets appreciation for being considerate of others. As far as his and only his needs are concerned, we as parents will do our best but it feels unrealistic and frustrating to expect others to understand them.

Oh when he was in kindergarten , his teacher kept telling me that our son would not stop talking or moving , when it comes to floor time , he always ended up in trouble because he moved here and there , touched his friends and stuff . 1st grade , we were told that he needs to control every information that comes out from his mouth , it was a private school , and esp. during bible time , his teacher read and told half of the story , only for my son to finish the rest of the story , and again he got in trouble because of that . Teacher wanted him to keep the story to himself , and not sharing it for the classroom because it was her job to do so .

Now at 2nd grade , public school , he gets in trouble because of his talk talk talk and talk . Just like HowlerKarma mentioned , talk talk talk talk , every chance he gets , every free time he gets even though he was told to read , or write , he always wanted to talk ,tell his friends about something . Showing something to his friend .. today he got his watch taken away because he wanted to show it to his friend who sat a desk away from him . Well should have given him more task to do i guess . Just now he was telling his friend ( i was watching a friend's son ) that he doesn't learn anything from school . His friend said he loves school he learns a lot .. My son replied he doesn't learn anything new from school .. Then started throwing math question to his friend . And his friend said they haven't learned division yet .

Today he brought home a private behavior chart , it was divided by time , from talking in appropriate time , using time wisely , being respectful , and another thing . His job is to collect 24 signatures from his teacher , and today he only got 14 out of 24 . No more clip changed , but his goal is to get at least 17 signatures . This morning he was already being removed from the class because he was disruptive .

What am i supposed to do with this kid . He's def. not happy and we're not either

Which school is that? I would love to send my kids there. Here I have felt that kids are expected to show a lot of maturity even from a young age. Its annoyingly hard and too much pressure on the kids to behave in the schools.

I don't think there is any other schools around this area

Yesterday the principal i talked with on the phone mentioned about asking my permission for a behavioral consultation . Today he came home and gave me an envelope , i guess i have to sign this to give a permission for them to do so . Why do i need to sign it if it's only behavioral consultation ?? Can anybody give me any insight ??

Are you in the US? If so, it's probably permission for them to do a Functional Behavior Assessment. This is a document that tries to analyze what the "function" of misbehavior at school is. Personally, I think it's kind of stupid, because I don't think that most kids are connivers who have some kind of master plan that they are manipulating us with to get what they want. I think they just can't keep themselves together. Figuring out what skills they might lack and teaching those is useful, but I don't think an FBA really sets up the framework correctly to identify missing skills, instead of blaming the kid for trying to manipulate the adults.

That said, FBA is the language that's in the federal rules, so that's what they request and why. You have to sign before they can do it.

There is an article around this site somewhere about how gifted kids are thought to have low social skills but it is actually the other way around a lot of times. That is, they expect more out of friendships and social relationships than the other kids their age are able to give. Your son tells more advanced jokes than the other kids understand, and when they don't understand, he reacts badly because he doesn't know why they are acting like that. He expects friends to behave in a certain way, and they are not old enough to do so, and he reacts badly. Schools use the social disparity as a reason why the child isn't a candidate for acceleration, but in fact it's often a reason why they SHOULD be. Getting along with older children and adults is a good sign.

As for the library book, just -- argh. How can he be in trouble for "looking at inappropriate pictures" in a school library book? All he did was use a more advanced technical term than what was expected at his age, and shocked someone. They need to get over it.