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    Joined: Feb 2011
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    Was I wrong to say anything? I am really getting the impression that people - teachers and paras, etc. REALLY DO NOT LIKE that DS gets a scribe! I am also getting the impression that really do not like me.

    No, you weren't wrong to say something.

    Your son is experiencing a hostile learning environment.

    That's the phrase that pays here, btw.

    I think, though, that your approach is perhaps in need of a tweak, advocacy-wise. Be clear and VERY precise in your wording with this kind of thing. Study the examples of "letters of understanding" at Wrightslaw-- and practice writing one of those for this incident.

    a) my son has informed me that {X, Y, and Z}.

    b) MY understanding is that {A, B, and C},

    and
    c) Please correct me if DS or I have misunderstood anything in this account. If I do not hear from you by {reasonable amount of time}, I will assume that this narrative is both complete and accurate. Thanks so much for your help.


    Because the bottom line is that you do not know that what your DS said is both completely accurate and exactly what happened... you just SUSPECT (probably with good reason) that it is.

    You have to give the appearance of impartiality-- or at least objectivity-- as a show of good faith. But communicating things like this in writing also tells them that you've had enough of this nonsense and you're going to put their feet to the fire as of RIGHT NOW.

    They are behaving in a retaliatory fashion. Let them know that such a thing-- you know, IF such an unfortunate thing were ever to :cough-cough: take place-- would be illegal, and grounds for a complaint with OCR. How unfortunate if this "misunderstanding" were to escalate.


    Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.
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    Irena Offline OP
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    Originally Posted by polarbear
    I have to be honest, when we ran into these types of situations at ds' first school, we fought and fought and advocated and educated on and on and on and it never really changed much.... ds' teacher knew he was dyspraxic, we explained it in meeting after meeting, provided literature, provided extra copies of ds' diagnoses and neuropsych report, emailed emailed emailed, shmoozed, ranted in a pc manner, you get the point. Nothing ever really got through to her that this was something that was a part of who he was

    This is how I am starting to feel and why I am starting to lose my patience. It feels like it never really gets through. Glad I held off giving the school that glowing review I was going to give a few months ago...


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    They don't NEED to understand.

    But they do need to stop what they are doing to make your DS' life even harder than it already is.

    (Mean/harsh, but true.)

    They are breaking the law-- both in letter and in spirit-- by retaliatory behavior to "punish" your child for accessing his accommodations in the classroom.

    Baaad, baaaaaaad juu-juu.


    Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.
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    Originally Posted by master of none
    We have a strong anti bullying program that begins with the teachers and I think this makes a big difference in how they approach the kids.

    I think this is HUGE. I have said over and over that our principal is a bully and has created an incredibly unhealthy environment in DD's school. Her behavior towards DD was outrageous and it is not surprising that, given the environment in the school, some of this behavior is not only tolerated but likely encouraged.

    Oh and yes "hostile learning environment" has recently become one of my go-to phrases.

    I feel like I need a shower after reading and writing all of this...

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    Originally Posted by HowlerKarma
    [quote]
    They are behaving in a retaliatory fashion. Let them know that such a thing-- you know, IF such an unfortunate thing were ever to :cough-cough: take place-- would be illegal, and grounds for a complaint with OCR. How unfortunate if this "misunderstanding" were to escalate.

    I almost did this with the para comments. I almost threw in there that such comments would be troublesome legally. But I am really trying to hold off on "threatening" because I know people really hate to be threatened. I did let them know casually in the last IEP mtg that I am lawyer and am finding this area of law quite fascinating.... I usually hate to tell anyone I am lawyer so they hadn't known until recently - I let it "slip" because I want to get the point across that lawyers are not at all afraid to take matters into the legal realm and I am no exception. I am hoping that this knowledge will mean they will be more careful about how they behave. Now this area of law is not my area of expertise at all but I can find a good attorney to help me out, I am sure, if I need to start a Complaint. I am taking some CLEs on the subject, too.

    I am particularly sensitive about these Paras - that was the problem last year - my poor DS was left with a bitch of a para who also shamed him for not being able to write well or do fine motor activities fast enough or well enough (back then he didn't even have accommodation under his 504). My son was unrecognizable after being left with her. He was a nervous wreck. Similar to your situation, Pemberly, the para was "talked to" and made to apologize but then kept up with the comments under her breath, etc. and anyway I think it was far too late at that point to fix the situation. I had to raise holy hell to get DS away from her and the difference was so drastic the teacher admitted in a 504 meeting and apologized we let it go on so long.

    Incidently, this district has been sued before. In 2005 for how they treated a dyslexic student. They ultimately had to pay for the child to go to a private school for LDs (very expensive one) and also had to cover the transportation costs to and from the school, the school also had to reimburse the student for evals and tests, etc. Unfortunately, I never want it to come to that because you could tell from reading the case that poor child just deteriorated year and after year and I am not sure if anything can make up or catch that kid up from that experience. But the school was punished severely.

    Last edited by marytheres; 03/15/13 12:14 PM.
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    Please get the book From Emotions to Advocacy.

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    Irena Offline OP
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    Originally Posted by master of none
    Yeah, it's something to be concerned about but I wouldn't have handled it that way. I would have talked directly to the aide who probably does not have all the info shared at the IEP meeting and discuss with her your hopes and dreams for your son--that you wish he didn't have a disability but he does and that you don't want his disability to hold him back from learning and that you appreciate her patience with him because lots of times with an invisible disability, it's hard for people to believe. And if she has any questions, please feel free to talk to you or the teacher. And BTW, you hope he won't need an aide by 4th grade when he'll be independent (typing).

    I was going to approach her myself but then I though about a few things. One, I may get too emotional and then I look like I am attacking some unsuspecting para; two, I thought it was serious enough that this needed to be put in writing to the teacher and the principal - I wanted a record of my complaining about it in rational and proper way to the principal and teacher. Thirdly, para may just roll her eyes when I walk away but if she is called into meet with her boss she will take the situation more seriously. Finally, If the problem really just lies with the policy of training and educating paras then that needs to be addressed for all children like ours that need accommodations.

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    Deacongirl's advice is very sound. It's so hard to be relatively unemotional when an environment is basically torturing your child-- but that is often exactly what it takes to remediate the situation in a meaningful way.



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    Okay getting the book amazon... clearly I need it!

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    So, incidently and a bit off-topic, I also realized today why getting evaluations through the school is just generally not really worth it and not a good idea.

    We got DS's progress report and he got all Ss ("strongly in place and exceeds benchmarks" highest grade) and PHs (Highly Proficient" second highest grade) - all of his grades went up if they could. Lots of Ss this time. However, under the "qualities of a learner" he went down in two places: 1) "active listening;" and 2) "listening skills" Last quarter they were both the symbol that was "satisfactory/meets expectations." All last the year same - satisfactory/good. We get a a school psych eval that shows there may be "attention issues" (i.e. NEPSY) and suddenly this semester he is marked under listening skills categories as "needs improvement." My first thought was - well that is so odd - he went up across the board (that is where he could go up and where he was already up he stayed that high) in all his real subjects but his listening skills went down? So, either he doesn't need to listen to understand the subject matter and maybe that's why he is "not listening" or he is listening quite well (after all, he is learning and progressing) and the teachers can't tell?

    I think they got the school psych report, saw the comments on attention and started grading accordingly. I guess I am too negative/pessimistic. I will not fuss about it...It's not a "real" grade anyway and I will be taking DS to a neuropsychologist (who appears to have very good skills in detecting when a child has been misdiagnosed with adhd and when a child has it). But even though the school psych was nice- I realize that the school testing really didn't help or give me any real answers and may only be creating bias against DS in some ways.

    Last edited by marytheres; 03/15/13 03:04 PM.
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