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    #147338 01/28/13 08:32 PM
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    ABQMom Offline OP
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    I've learned a lot about parenting a very literal kid - how to be specific in my directions with him, how best to diffuse misunderstandings with a teacher who doesn't understand his literalness, and how to be patient when he says things that others would interpret as rude and help him learn to reword sometimes to be more polite.

    But I am amazed at how poor I still am at not recognizing when an attitude or behavior might be due to his literal interpretation of something.

    Tonight he was expressing how he didn't think he should have to be nice to a certain student at school who has been rather obnoxious to him. In frustration, I finally told him that I was really concerned about his attitude that he only had to be nice to kids that were nice to him - that life didn't work that way. He looked quite confused and said, "But that is what our principal has told us every day since kindergarten."

    That didn't sit quite right, so I asked him when the principal had said this. "Every morning at the end of announcements. He says, '... and remember, treat others the way you want them to treat you."

    Ok. That didn't clear it up for me, so I asked how that meant he could be mean to some kids. "Because. They hear the same rule every day. So if this is how they are to me every day, that is how they want to be treated."

    When the lightbulb finally turned on, we were able to have a conversation about what it actually meant.

    And all this time, I've been worrying about this attitude, and it was because he thought that was the rule.

    I have got to get better at asking him more questions that I just wouldn't ask my other kids.

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    Your post made me giggle because it reminded me of my DS when I read it. My son is very literal, almost to the point that it makes no sense (which is kind of paradoxal).

    When he was about 4 years old we went to bouncy house/open gym night at school. We told him that he had to stand in line to wait until it was his turn. He just kept standing in one spot awkwardly. My husband and I kept telling him to move ahead but he wouldn't. Finally we realized that he was standing on a line (for the basketball court) on the floor and he thought he had to stay there because we told him to "stand in line" :-D

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    Great insight!


    What is to give light must endure burning.
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    My husband said he wondered if my son knew that he should ask questions at school if he didn't know how to do something. I told my son, you know how sometimes you have a brain fart and forget how to write a letter and you ask me and I tell you how to draw that letter. Yes. Do you know you can ask your teacher if you don't understand or know something? he said, no, because I asked my teacher and she said she won't help me.

    I ask you every day what happened at school, why didn't you tell me this? This is why I ask. I called my mom and said the teacher probably only told him that once or twice and mom said, he's a five year old. The teacher probably told him that once, and meant she wouldn't help him that time, and being five, he took it to mean she wouldn't help him period. kids smile <3. Literalism.. lol

    How can you ask more questions about things u never would have thought about?


    Youth lives by personality, age lives by calculation. -- Aristotle on a calendar
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    ABQMom Offline OP
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    Originally Posted by La Texican
    How can you ask more questions about things u never would have thought about?

    Yes - this is what I struggle with. I am so intuitive, I really have no clue sometimes what small things that he has interpreted in some literal way may be creating rather large difficulties. I wish I could get more in tune with it to know how.

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    Maybe you could ask him to briefly journal his day with you and highlight any encounters where people reacted adversely. The exercise might give you insight into where to ask questions.

    I haven't BTDT, so this is a shot-in-the-dark suggestion based on a self-reflection technique I use.


    What is to give light must endure burning.
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    I have had several instances of my ds literal interpretation causing him misinterpretation of the situation. It has been quite challenging, especially because combined with that his sensitive and pleaser personality. My ds has come home with no lunchbox, because he got injured on the playground and was taken to the clinic, was ok, returned to class; but he never asked his teacher about his lunchbox. Why? "It wasn't my turn to speak to her."

    It is so hard to know what to ask, because ds won't necessarily tell me everything about his day. I walk a fine line of asking questions and letting him talk before he tells me, "I don't want to talk about school".

    I've also noticed (which I'm sure is age related/ maturity level), ds doesn't want to talk to people or read slang or bad grammar. All of these things have made making friends at school hard for him.

    Not sure how I could be more aware, but I find myself frequently trying to explain situations to him.

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    ABQMom Offline OP
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    aquinas- even when I was on business in New York last week, but son called after school to go through his day, period by period. It is a ritual for him that helps him digest the day. But, unfortunately, he doesn't always tell me about the things that would send up a red flag where I could help him understand what someone actually meant. If only!


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    Originally Posted by ABQMom
    aquinas- even when I was on business in New York last week, but son called after school to go through his day, period by period. It is a ritual for him that helps him digest the day. But, unfortunately, he doesn't always tell me about the things that would send up a red flag where I could help him understand what someone actually meant. If only!

    Darn! I figured it was probably an overly simplistic solution.

    Any chance the teachers who notice the most red flags would be willing to send you a weekly update so that you can hone in on "problem" areas? You might be able to market it as working with them to help remediate past issues that have cropped up.

    I'm going to keep reflecting on this! I'd love to see you make more breakthroughs like the one described with your son.


    What is to give light must endure burning.
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    Don't mean to thread hijack, but I have to ask. My DD is extremely literal. Is this a common gifted kiddo thing or a sign of something else?

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