Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments crap--my 4yo just lost his marbles about school

Mine too. Not just to play, but to "have you teach me stuff." In the past he's BEGGED me to home school him.

My solution is to pull him from school once or twice a month. Luckily his teacher is very flexible (one of her many strengths). I'd pull him more often, but I worry about him missing too much French exposure and I don't want him to become any more socially out of the loop than he already is.

Ultramarina you said you work mornings - what about afternoons? Could you make an arrangement with your DS's school where you pull him out early a couple of days per week to enrich him?

If bureaucracy doesn't get in the way, a K/1 split might make this situation easier to manage sensibly. He could go into it now, and the decision about whether he was just being allowed a few extra months of it, before doing two full years (K and 1) or whether he was getting a few fewer months of it and effectively getting a skip (going into K now, and doing next year as his 1 year, and then on to 2) need not be firmly taken until a year from now; so it could be a skip, but they need not agree it was that until they know him, if they didn't want to... Is that impossible/undesirable for some reason?

He is home with me every afternoon. Unfortunately, he doesn't always get the attention he deserves. My work tends to bleed into the afternoons and my DD requires a lot of supervision/support to get through her mounds of homework.

His teacher already emailed me back--yay--and says he seems happy and she doesn't see any social issues. In response to my saying that he seemed frustrated with the classwork, she commented that she has noticed that he is very advanced academically but that she is, of course, required to do the state-mandated curriculum. However, she said she has some math and science centers she can offer him when he's done with his work or in place of the usual centers. I know he is "over" some of the centers (eg, puzzles), so I think this is a good idea. We'll see.

I asked him if he wants me to teach him more things, and he said yes. I had him do some counting by 4s and 6s and talked about how that relates to mutiplication. He was easily able to count by 6s up past 60. I hadn't realized how good his mental math is getting. I do feel concerned about getting him even further ahead, though. I confess, I have intentionally avoided teaching my DD math so she has something to learn at school.

I just gave him some K-12 assessments (https://eprcontent.k12.com/placement/placement/placement_langarts_2.html). He really enjoyed these! They're perfect for him because he doesn't have to write; just circle. Does anyone know where I could find other worksheets like that?

He passed the assessment for placement in grade 2 for reading and would have passed the math one for grade 1, second semester if he knew what greater and less than signs were. (He got it right once I explained them. But he did get one other wrong and needed help with one other.) I didn't give him the next one up for reading, so he might pass that one, too.

One of the reasons I am getting worried about kindergarten is the disparity between what DD can do in her head and what she can do on paper. It just seems wrong to ask a child who knows her sums up to twenty as well as any adult to do a workbook full of counting and tracing numbers with an entire page devoted to illustrating how 2+1=3. But, that is kindergarten, right? And, that is where she is at except for the mental math.

Reading doesn't seem to bother me as much. I feel like reading is already well established so I doubt that can get mucked up too much. She can always read a book. And, she will learn to spell as she learns to write.

I don't think we can avoid letting them run away with math. I think once these kids learn what numbers really are there is no holding them back. Yeah, there are the symbols they will need to be taught, but they already have the number sense down pat. DD is doing things I don't even quite understand.

For example, I think she is getting close to discovering prime numbers and factoring because she keeps breaking down larger numbers into smaller numbers. 8 is two 4s or four 2s. 6 is two 3s or three 2s. 9 is three 3s. 10 is two 5s or five 2s etc. And, she does math like this. 6+3 is three 3s. All she wants to do is double, triple, and quadruple numbers. 6+7=13 because 6+6 is 12. Then she adds that 6 is really two 3s so 6+7 is really just four 3s plus 1.

But, yeah, they do not even talk about numbers outside the calendar at preschool. It does not seem to bother her. Part of me thinks she will still do best in an academic-lite environment next year as well, which is an option for us. We could also hold her back another year (her birthday is right at the cutoff and she is very socially immature and has poor fine motor skills.) Sounds crazy, I know. She is just so immature. I would rather her play and socialize for another year than be drilled on sight words and simple sums.

Hi UM
I am a little hesitant to respond because I will probably sound pretty negative! My DS went to the same pre K from 2.5 to 5.5. First year was good, second year ok, 3rd horrible. We did not realize how different he was and how bad the fit with the school became. DS had problems at your DS's age with both what they were doing and the social element. They so didn't understand him that they wanted him to have an aide to help negotiate the social situations - what we realized later was that the kids didn't understand what was talking about - they had no shared frame of reference. He wanted to talk about what he read and learned and they didn't even understand his vocab half the time! Plus he wanted them to perform in pretend games and they were willing to but their level of pretend was much less developed and deep. So he was always frustrated - he actually made a game up around tag - to explain why they were all running around screaming like banchees. He was not satisfied with a game where you just ran - but they were. He liked talking to the teachers and doing the worksheets even when he already knew the material he interestingly would never admit to being bored, which is good I guess. I knew it was a real problem when the teacher told me she was so happy he was engaging with the other kids and I asked him about playing with them and he said he had finished all the books in the room!!!!

I could go on and on but no one would want me to!!! There was more drama caused by some mean girl bullying and exclusion behavior - at 4!!! He can still tear up remembering some of that stuff that went on.

We had no other school options and didn't have the knowledge initially to ask for what he needed. He was our first - you have the benefit here of some hindsight after the situation with your daughter. But I really regret not finding something else for him. I think it is painful at four to spend a full day as my son did for 4 months pretty unhappy. I still feel fairly guilty over it - but more so because they didn't understand him, they didn't want to, and they were trying to shove my square peg into their standard round hole.

If the teacher will work with you, it's worth keeping him there but if she won't or can't and he is having social issues, you have to ask if its worth it.

DeHe

I think he's okay socially. He's a social chameleon and is well-liked, though the "I don't want to run" issue is concerning (we do need to get some medical stuff checked out). He can adjust his play, unlike DD, who spent a lot of time talking to the teacher in K and 1. Actually, she didn't really have friends at school till she moved to the gifted magnet, where she is now a total social butterfly (just putting that in there because it may be of interest to others!)


Yes, it is kindergarten. We have BTDT with DD, and it was tough on her. I don't think it will mess your daughter's skills up, but it may drive her crazy.

I told DS that his teacher will give him extra math and science work. His face lit up with joy, and he hugged me. I hope it happens (but I told DS on purpose, because he will bring it up!)

He really liked doing those assessments. After we finished, I said "Is that enough work for today?" and he said, "Yes! That was fun!"

ColinsMum--my state has an absolute rule against starting K early. (You must be 5 by 9/1 of the school year.) So, no can do. I am told that they are unusually open to skips there due to the gifted population, but I don't know what we would do with him in grade 1 if he skipped.

Just realized the above is totally unclear--I don't know what we would do with him after next year if he skipped K to go into grade 1 or a 1/2 split, because I don't think his needs are intense enough to warrant a skip AND placement in the gifted magnet, which starts in gr 2. The amount of written work and homework they require at the magnet would probably be too much for him at age 6.

Right, I see (my DS also had writing as a major limiting factor for years, maybe still has).

Tricky! I hope his current teacher is responsive to being talked to about his frustration.