Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Saying "no" can inspire creativity

DD9 has craved an iPhone but we said no, so yesterday she went and made her own complete with hairpin stylus:

http://i.imgur.com/GylJF.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/d7br6.jpg [ back side of the phone]

The phone is on its charger and you slide the apps behind the plastic bag screen cover. Her cousin made one too, and the little round cut-out puppy is to stick on her cousin's fake iPhone screen so they can play the same game "online."

I wonder how many opportunities for creativity we have extinguished over the years by using the much easier "yes" word...

Has anyone more aggressively applied the "no" more than "yes" and seen similar positive results?

Not exactly, but we notice that our kids, who get very little screen time, are good at making up games with almost nothing (sticks, acorns, rocks). Their new thing at present is trading beer bottlecaps--they both have collections, and they have made up some elaborate game where you toss one into the air and switch caps depending on how it lands or something. They can literally play with bottlecaps for an hour.

Ha ha ha! Love it!! Your daughter is very creative, makes me smile. I agree that forcing them to use their imagination is doing them a bigger service in the long run. Heck, eventually your daughter will probably have a real iPhone, but had you not said no today, she would have never stretched her imagination and inventiveness to that degree. Kudos!

Omg!!! My DD did the same thing!! SO FUNNY. It was an iPhone, too. This was a couple of years ago (she was eight). Same scenario - she bugged and bugged us for a phone, and when she realized we wouldn't changed our minds, she made her own, using paper, tape and a sharpie. No stylus for hers, but she added a pull-out keyboard.

What struck me as interesting was the fact that she didn't seem to care that it didn't work. She became so engaged in creating it that she appeared to lose interest in a real phone. After it was done she would pretend to use it, and was totally happy: she stopped asking us for a phone. It was interesting... it was almost like the underlying issue was more about self-sufficiency and self-advocacy (i.e. "I'll get what I want.") than an actual phone. Either that or she was still ticked off and didn't show it, LOL.

Okay, I have to admit that in a way this thread makes me sad. My son used to do stuff like this but now just melts down and refuses to talk to us. Even over little stuff.

I hadn't realized how much I missed his creativity:(

Sorry to post a downer - just needed to vent.

Now, on to celebrating creativity ....

@ultramarina: I've noticed the same thing that once I get them away from screens, they end up making time machines out of large boxes, etc. I was in Africa once and saw village children had constructed elaborate cars with working steering mechanisms, made completely from discarded wire and plastic bottles.

@CCN: That's hilarious...I have to agree about the observation that through creating her own she somehow let go of the idea of getting a real one. It was clearly therapeutic for her.

@petunia: DD used to do this stuff a lot more often, so this recent creation was an unusual sight...I know I stopped doing this sort of thing around age 11, but then that was when I got my first computer that I disappeared into.

I love the creative side of our daughters and hope that is something they will continue for life! Does any other parent just quietly listen as their child/children are playing sometimes just for the amusement? DH and I will catch them playing something and have to run and get the other parent just to listen in on the conversations and giggles, etc. There are days they can play like that for hours, then other days they honestly can't seem to be in the same room together without drama. Just for something different and to allow some creativity, we had the girls gather up a bunch of items from nature this past weekend and we are going to make our own ornaments for the Christmas tree out of the sticks, acorns, pinecones, feathers, leaves, etc. They love doing these kinds of crafty things and it becomes great family time!

Does any other parent just quietly listen as their child/children are playing sometimes just for the amusement?


I love listening to my DD in those unguarded/unfiltered moments.

She sings/hums when she's happy and in a flow state; I definitely see more of that when she is "unplugged" and engaged in an activity that requires more creativity.

I'm recalling when she made all of her stuffed animals paper "clothing" during her fashion designer phase.

Love the iPhone imposterers. When my kids are in trouble, I often announces that there will be no electronics for the day or evenining.

Inevitably...we end up having a MUCH better time. The kids discover things toys or crafts they may have neglected. They play restaurant and dress-up and hospital.

Not a great consequence, huh? Or maybe not a great DETERRANT...but a great consequence of sorts.

Of course, they get unplugged time daily, but I fear that it just fills the space in between their screen time some days. Forcing them to be without the screen time at all pushes them to ENGAGE during their unplugged moments.