Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments more challenge at school/skip a grade/homeschool?

Hello, again, I'm still looking for answers. It has been suggested several times by different people that my son (11) is not being challenged at school and that the boredom he is experiencing there is leading to his behavior issues at home. His WISC and WIAT scores are here . (hope that link works)

He has skipped one grade already. He's young even for his correct grade (July birthday with a September cut-off and lots of red-shirting here). I've been thinking about how to get him more challenge at school. He does well on tests but it is a nightmare getting him through his homework. There still is the possibility that he is ADHD/ASD/something else but I'm wondering about this. He seems to have lost his spark, his passion, and his interest in exploring new topics. All he wants to do is read and play on the computer.

So, options and questions and thoughts:
- skip another grade - that would put him into 9th grade at the high school at age 12, he's taking Algebra I this year and is scheduled to take Geometry next year and Alg II in 9th; I guess he'd have to take Geometry on his own before fall? He'd be short a semester of PE, don't know how that would work. 8th grade history and science I have no clue about. He's already in the 8th grade band so he'd just move into the 9th grade band. He wants to play baseball in high school so that would be an issue. The school district is not big on skipping grades. His tester told me he could finish Alg I and II in one year, no problem.

- subject acceleration - I don't think they even offer that and what would he accelerate to? Alg II at the high school (I'd have to drive him)?

- homeschool - - would that just bring more power struggles down on us? How would I know what to teach him? Partial homeschooling is not allowed in our state so he'd miss out on those fun and social electives like Band, PE, Art, and Theater Tech.

- different school district - we moved here three years ago specifically for the gifted program. I'd hate to move again and wouldn't know where to go anyway. There is a Yorktown close but I think it is only Elementary.

- early entrance to college - how would we set this up? He's too young right now and doesn't have the time management or organization skills. Any ideas on how to approach this for the future? maybe add a college class? I don't know when we could fit this in.

If it's truly a boredom/underchallenged/underachieving issue and not a psychological issue (which we are looking at), what would you recommend? Anybody been through this?

Even the DYS consultant advised more challenge at school. I did inquire if he could do an online class next semester in something like astronomy as an independent study but the director said he wasn't mature enough.

Any ideas, thoughts, advice, things to explore?

I want my sweet, happy boy back. I want our free time together back. I want to see him learning and stretching and growing and exploring. He says he's not bored at school and wouldn't change anything about school. Maybe he's just given up. We're all frustrated and don't know where to turn. This is keeping me up nights.

Honestly, I may be out on a limb here, but if he says school is fine and school say he's fine (is that still the case?) I wouldn't personally be messing with school right now even if I did feel that in the long run he needed more challenge there. I think it's worth a lot for anyone to have part of their life where things are smooth and they know how things work and it's all OK, iyswim.

I know you've been thinking already about changing things at home, but still... Fewer or different activities? Earlier or later bedtime? Different snack? Ban or limit computer use on weekdays? Dedicated one-to-one time with a parent?

If he is happy, I would leave him in his current grade. In our district, there are always kids who take Algebra II while in 8th grade. They just get on the high school bus in the morning and take the math class 1st period, then the bus takes them back to the middle school. If that is possible in your district, it is a reasonable solution.

Maybe this isn't the solution, but if he is on the computer all the time, maybe he needs more activities? You said he wanted to play baseball in HS. Some areas have strong rec baseball programs, but around here the rec baseball/softball are weak. My older two have played travel ball for several years. Does he play travel ball? That would get him away from the computer (though my kids still find ways to mess around on the computer for hours, despite travel ball, club volleyball, Model UN, tutoring at the local church, etc.) If he plays travel ball, you will spend lots of time with him (some in the car driving to practice and tournaments, and time to explore some different towns between games at tournaments).

I would also tend to wait if he wants to play HS ball. Even though I have girls, the difference I see in skills and strength from age 12 to age 14 is huge. A good, positive experience in sports is important to my kids and they would have been at a disadvantage if they were only 12 and playing HS ball.

Hi petunia
Can I ask why you are looking at school as the problem? He's 11 and he is no longer sweet and happy at home. Are you sure this is learning related or boredom related as opposed to being hormonal. 11 might be a little early but not out of the realm possibility. Or some other developmental/emotional change?

Although might be easier to navigate the gifted minefield than the hormonal minefield!

DeHe

Thanks for the responses. We do limit computer time on school days but since he has to use a computer for his homework, it is hard to police it. I have to sit right next to him to make sure he doesn't wander off to some website. I've blocked gaming sites with Norton but he could just as easily wander to something else.

He's in lots of activities: baseball, piano lessons, band, boy scouts, karate (when it's not baseball season). We probably don't spend enough one-on-one time with him but it seems like there is never time because it takes him SOOOOO LOOOONNNGGGG to do his homework and practicing. I try to get him to walk the dog every day after school but he fights it and then by the time he's agreed to do it, it's time to go. Now that my knee is getting better, maybe we need to walk the dog together.

DeHe- I'm looking at school as the problem because at least two people on this forum have brought it up, plus another friend, plus the DYS consultant. I don't think it's hormones because the behavior problems have been going on for a couple of years, at least. No, I'm not sure it is learning related; I'm just trying to figure out WHAT it is.

He's defintely putting in minimum effort. I don't think he'd like to homeschool because he does enjoy playing in the band and going to school. We haven't really talked about it recently because we've been at such loggerheads over his behavior it hasn't really seemed like an option. I don't know when he'd fit in an online course but maybe it would motivate him. I wish the school were a bit more flexible. I'm going to meet with the Gifted Director after the holiday break; after asking her to first poll the teachers and see what their opinions are. I know they all think he's "brilliant" but how that affects their teaching, I don't know.

Still searching for answers!

Petunia, I understand how frustrating this must be, and I hope you're able to find some answers soon. I'm not sure from what you've posted (here and in other posts) that I'd want to skip another grade before I understood more about what is driving the behaviors at home. If your ds was begging to skip, complaining of extreme boredom at school or if his teachers were telling you he had behavior issues at school and that they felt it might be tied to needing more challenge then I would definitely consider another grade skip. That doesn't seem to be what's happening though.


I think it's easy to imagine folks here are going to bring up boredom as a possibility for behavior challenges - it does happen for kids who aren't appropriately placed in school, and of course, if that's the case for your ds, you'll want to advocate for a skip. BUT.... this is also an online forum where you're chatting with people who've never met your ds and who know nothing more about him than what they read in your posts, and who may very well be reading quickly and not putting a lot of thought into an individual situation. We care - we really do care - but we aren't experts and we don't know your son. Soooo.. that's my long-winded way of saying, I wouldn't consider a change based highly on what other parents advised me on a forum like this. I wouldn't discount it either, but I would think it through and look for verification from people (and professionals) who actually know and have spent time with my child. You do have a friend who's suggested it, and your DYS consultant suggested it... I'm not saying your ds *doesn't* need another grade skip, just suggesting that if it was my ds, I would probably also be looking for clues from his teachers, from the work he brings home, from what *he* says, possibly seeking advice from his nueropsychologist (or a counselor if he had one) etc.


One thing you mentioned in another post was meds - at one point (and maybe still?) your ds was, I think, on meds for something (ODD?). Being on meds can help kids, but it can also complicate the picture for a child who's struggling.



This might be the case, but otoh, it might just *look* like he's putting in minimum effort, or he may be struggling with whatever it is and be convinced that he can't do more. I wouldn't necessarily assume he's putting in minimum effort, and I wouldn't assume that that "minimum effort" is due to lack of challenge.


My ds does really enjoy taking an online course each semester, entirely outside of school, even though his time outside of school is filled to the max with homework and other activities, and even though he doesn't get direct credit for it at school at this point in time (middle school). For him, it's providing a needed intellectual challenge as well as it's something he can expend extra effort on (i.e., time) and feel good about as he picks courses in his area of interest (science) and he does very well at them. They will help him accelerate in high school when the opportunity opens up. The key is - he's *motivated* to do the work and he really really *likes* it. If he didn't like the courses, it would be an incredible battle to get him to do the work.

Re the challenges of using computers for schoolwork - we make our kids sit in the same room with us while they do their homework. I don't sit right next to them (unless I am helping with something or have work I need to do on my own computer....).... but I keep them in the same room where I can see what they're working any time I want to.

I also wonder a bit about how "LOOOOONNNGGG" you say it takes him to do his homework... maybe there's something that could be done to help him get through it faster. It sounds like it's not difficult homework, so have you looked into whether or not it's taking him an unusually or unexpectedly long time to finish it? Do you think there's a possibility that something related to the homework is driving his behavior issues at home?

Sorry for the long ramble - I hope some of it helps!

Best wishes,

polarbear