Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy adolescent girl and social problems

I have a 17 year old daughter, also PG and very beautiful. Not as socially adept as yours, but certainly the boys have flocked around her for the past few years. My D also spends a lot of time on activities that have mostly boys involved (robotics and Quiz Bowl), so that makes it even more interesting. She has really found no "significant other" material in that group, although she gets asked out pretty often.

My best advice to you on helping her find social peers is to send her to Davidson THINK next summer. That is where my D found age-mates who could keep up, both friends and possible "significant others". One boy has been pursuing her since she first went three years ago, although she just wants to be friends with him. Another goes to a boarding school on the east coast, and they have standing weekly phone calls that have gone on for two years. They all have a lot of contact online, so even though they do not live near by, the connections are pretty strong. She says they are platonic, but I sort of think there is more there than that...

One wants to be aware there is an increased risk of dating adults. I did at 17 (34, a summer coworker, great relationship that we both knew wouldn't go beyond the summer). A good EG friend dated a teacher though, and regrets it. Parents were not told, while we did both mention the tamer same age dates/crushes etc.

PGR could be a good fit.

Well you should all gang up and be "freaks" together! (Or are these all just family members you're referring to?)

Your story about your first husband makes me very sad. I've gotten a similar reaction from people before, but thankfully no one particularly close to me, and my husband is as much of a freak as I am (if not more).

We do, though, have friends. But we've always lived in or very near large cities, so there's just more to choose from. My DH even had (by chance, it seems) a nice cohort of HG+ friends throughout his school years, and went to "nerd camp" where he met some people he still keeps in touch with. We both received full-ride academic scholarships so those came with a peer group that included some people who were smarter than we are. Unfortunately, due to moving around a few times, we don't have the awesome group of alum friends ljoy mentions.

If you're not finding what she needs with what you're doing now, cast a wider net. If going to a camp or retreat isn't viable for your DD, then maybe... set up a chat room for PG youth? You could advertise it here and on the Davidson FB page, and send it to all the summer talent search programs or PG camps you can find. Surely there are others her age in the same boat, it's just a matter of finding them.

We are quite serious about sticking together, now that we've found each other. We live in a large city so that we can all be employed. We live so close together because that's where we shopped for a place to live. I might consider moving, but probably only to somewhere I already have a network connection to. It takes a commitment.

And we do love being freaks together.

ETA: ok, that makes it sound like we present a united front and make only group decisions, which we don't. One couple after another has just made small choices, then large ones, that allow our group to exist.

Thank you to everyone for the responses. This is such helpful food for thought.



I think that DH and I need to talk things over and see what we can figure out in order to offer DD some ways to meet a wider circle of more-like-true peers. We could drive to {Large Regional City} once a month or so, but more often than that probably just isn't feasible.

If only DD were still interested in Chess or Robotics.

Quiz Bowl, Academic Decathlon, debate, and fencing are other activities where your D might meet more like-minded friends (but nothing like Davidson THINK friends, I have to say).

What she would really like is a hard-core literature discussion group or book club where her age would be completely irrelevant.

Debate is definitely up her alley, but she has kind of gotten frustrated with the lack of 'serious' debate opportunities within her own school. Good idea to explore what else is out there with that one.

I know that there is a good fencing academy in the western burbs of {BigLocalMetropolis}, but as noted, that simply cannot be a weekly drive for us. It's about 90 minutes each way without traffic.

I'm pretty sure that Toastmasters has a youth debate / public speaking program that might be worth investigating.

DH did Model UN in high school. It might fit with the social justice side of your DD.