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    #14266 04/21/08 08:34 AM
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    Lori H. Offline OP
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    Should I force my homeschooled 2E child to participate in activities with age mates at church or homeschool groups even though he tells me that he has nothing in common with them and doesn't enjoy it? He says even though he is an actor (musical theater) and can pretend to be interested when all they want to talk about is sports, he says this is very tiring and he doesn't feel that he gets anything out of being around these kids. He says they expect him to listen to them talk about sports yet they are not willing to listen to him talk about things he is interested in and they think he is a geek because he is not like them. He brought up the fact that I had difficulty fitting in with the other homeschool moms because I had nothing in common with them and then he asked me to imagine how he felt when he was forced to be with these kids who were nothing like him. He wanted to know what I expected him to get out of the experience. I told him I would ask for opinions on this message board. What do you think?

    He does have five really good friends, and five more that consider him a friend, but only one gifted friend his age and he doesn't feel like he has as much in common with this boy as he does with this boy's gifted older brother. The rest of my son's good friends are all 3-4 years older. Some of these friends are taller than I am and my son just looks so little next to them, but they are the only ones that invite him to birthday parties and the only ones that he wants to ask to come over to our house and there really isn't a problem except that I think this probably looks weird to other people. There is another gifted boy that I think would fit right in with this group of friends but I am afraid to ask his parents if he can come over to visit my son who is several years younger. He is a friend of my son's friends and they have gone to some of the same birthday parties and sleepovers.

    All of my son's best friends have common interests, are in G&T in school and don't like sports that much and would also be considered geeks. Because they are not into sports, my son's motor coordination disorder is not a problem. Should I just invite these kids over more and not worry about what other people think? This is what my son thinks we should do.

    He would also like to find other kids who are 2E like him to talk to because none of his friends are 2E. They are just gifted. He said he would like to meet a kid with Asperger's that lives in Texas (where my son's sister lives) because he read his blog at www.giftedgearreview.blogspot.com/ and my son and I both think this kid sounds a lot like him in some ways, especially the use of sarcasm in his humor. I read what this boy wrote under "Here's the thing..." and some of the things he says sound like things my son might say and my husband read it and agreed. It was obvious from the way this boy writes that he is highly intelligent. My son does not have Asperger's but there are a lot of similarities. There must be a fine line between gifted with Asperger's and gifted with motor dyspraxia and a sarcastic sense of humor. By the way, my husband also has this sarcastic sense of humor but like my son, he knows when to use it and when not to use it. My husband and my son both have lot of friends that appreciate their humor. I enjoy listening to them shoot puns back and forth at each other. Their "humor processing speed" is at a much higher level than mine. I can't think of funny things to say fast enough to keep up with them. Too bad this is something they don't test. I think my son would do very well on this kind of test because physical speed and endurance are not required.


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    Speaking from experience here--I used to dread my birthday because my mom would always want me to invite "the little girls in my class" over for a party. My issues were different from your son's but I had a similar feeling that I was being tortured when my mom just wanted me to have a good time at my birthday party like other kids do. I was relieved when I turned twelve and she agreed that we could just go out to dinner as a family.

    It seems to me that your son's social development is fine. He has friends who reciprocate the friendship. I think it is fine to cultivate those relationships and not worry about age peers. Think about the people your son will be interacting with in his possible future careers--would he fit in? It doesn't sound like it will be a problem smile

    By the way, even though I had a very hard time making friends as a kid, I enjoyed college and have had plenty of friends since then.

    Cathy

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    I've always heard that the difference between the kid you worry about and the kid you don't is the difference between zero friends and one real friend. I think there's logic there.

    Personally, I'd suggest that you shouldn't push your DS to socialize with kids he doesn't like, unless avoiding these situations is going to cause more trouble than it is worth. We adults don't enjoy socializing with people who wear us out and make us feel out of place, and I think kids should be paid the same measure of respect.

    If he hadn't tried being with them, I'd say that he should give it a try. But he's tried it and he doesn't enjoy himself. What's the point in pushing? Where's the benefit?


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    Lori H. Offline OP
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    I am optimistic that he will find others like him when he goes off to college some day. He doesn't fit in so well right now because he likes to joke about things that other kids don't understand. For example, he will joke about the cause of his sensory integration dysfunction by saying something like "I guess I experienced an unexpected system shut down while configuring my settings and it resulted in a system error." We had told him that we thought his problems had something to do with his birth--his heartbeat stopped on the monitor, the cord was wrapped around his neck, and he had to be delivered with forceps. Only the older gifted kids really get his humor sometimes.

    He says he wants to learn design video games and one of his older friends is also interested in this, so yes I think he would fit in.

    In addition to his male friends, there are also two girls that like him, both gifted, but they are closer to his age. I intercepted a Wii message from one of them. My son was embarrassed. I didn't realize this started so early. He won't be ten until next month.

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    Lori H. Offline OP
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    There is no benefit that I can think of. I think I do need to invite the friends over that he already has. Thanks!

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    Hi Lori H,
    I say - 5 good friends! That's wonderful! Let him slide on the agemates for now. You may want to insist that he spend some 'service' time helping younger children as a way to build character, but I can't see what good it will be to force in into agemate interactions.

    DS11 also votes for 'let him be.'

    I wish I had a lead on where to correspond with other 2E kids - have you explored Hoagiesgifted.org?

    Smiles,
    Grinity


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    I think he is doing really well and he knows what he wants and doesn't want. Being with the other kids would just make him miserable. He seems happy with the way things are and that's what really matters.


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    Lori H. Offline OP
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    Last night my son had a three-hour rehearsal for a musical revue performance his group will do at an arts festival this weekend. A cute little gifted girl who is 1 1/2 years younger than my son, who once told my son that she was going to marry him some day, and is usually his dance partner, followed him outside as he was leaving. He was trying to ignore her and when she told him goodbye he didn't say anything. I heard her say "You need to learn some manners!" and he replied "You're right. I don't know anything about "manors," I live in a normal house."

    I think her family enjoys word play and they kid around like his at home. Her mom wrote for our local newspaper until she quit her job to homeschool her daughter and I think the dad is a computer engineer. She also wants to try out for the spelling bee next year so she borrowed my son's old spelling bee booklet. So they have a few things in common--but she's a very girlie girl and my son is so not interested. My husband says he didn't become interested in girls until he was about 14.

    So it looks like my son even has a girlfriend whether he wants one or not!

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    I like your son! I'm always a pushover for the quick witted. I wouldn't worry about socializing in groups he doesn't like.

    Last edited by st pauli girl; 04/23/08 06:31 AM.
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    Lori H. Offline OP
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    One more thing. I realized that he has also learned how to be a friend and I think this is so important.

    He absolutely did not want to do the arts festival performance. It was put on the schedule months ago and we both told the acting teacher that he only wanted to do the next play and nothing else. But at the last minute (exactly one week before they are supposed to perform) my son was asked if he would do the show because if he didn't one of the girls would not have a dance partner. Learning dance routines quickly is not an easy thing for a kid with motor dyspraxia. Singing while trying to remember the dance routine is even harder. He knew how hard it would be. But they asked him and he had 15 minutes to decide. I told him I was not going to try to influence him in any way, that it was totally up to him. One of his older high school aged friends did ask him to please do it because otherwise there were not going to be enough kids to do a good show. So my son agreed to do it, because his friends asked him to, even though the girl who would be without a dance partner annoys him sometimes.

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