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    Joined: May 2007
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    Lori H. Offline OP
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    My son did the arts festival performance yesterday and it went very well even thought they only did 2 rehearsals, a few of the kids were absent at each of the rehearsals, and he had to learn a new dance routine that required jumping onto an older kid's back at just the right time without falling off, while smiling and singing, of course, and he only got to practice this twice at the first rehearsal. He also had to climb onto another kid's back when they formed a human pyramid. These are challenging for my child with motor dyspraxia and hypotonia but he did it. There was another dance move and I don't know what it is called but the girl had to jump onto her partner's side and the boy has to support her for a few seconds. My son's dance partner had faked this part during rehearsals because she was afraid she would knock him down but at the show she actually jumped and he supported her without falling or looking like this was difficult for him. Maybe the OT is helping a little already. But he still needed help with costume changes. At one of the rehearsals he was in a hurry because he just had about thirty seconds before he had to go back on stage and he said "which foot does this shoe go on?" and I know people are surprised when they hear him say something like this because he seems so very intelligent. He does not have a problem with dressing when he has plenty of time. He just can't compensate for his disability when he is rushed.

    When he asked me to help him with his shoe, I am not proud of this, but I looked at him and with an irritated tone of voice said "What is wrong with you--it goes on that foot." Even I was guilty of thinking he was being lazy but I looked this up at home and found other people--even another adult with motor dyspraxia--that had this same difficulty.

    His sister who lives in another state was able to come and watch the show and he was very happy about this and I heard people saying good things about their performance and these were people just walking around the arts festival who stopped to watch. My son kept saying that it just relatives of the kids in the group who thought they were good and he liked hearing that non-relatives also enjoyed it.

    We got to watch the dance group that performed before them and they were really good. I wish I could talk my son into taking a Hip Hop dance class because I think it looks fun, but my son doesn't want to do it and his musical theater friends said they just can't see him doing that kind of dance. It looks like such good exercise though. I am thinking of buying a learn to dance video so that we can both try this at home without anyone seeing us.

    We found an online message board where he can talk to teens with dyspraxia. Some of them sound like they are similar to my son--very intelligent but with motor difficulties that are worse on some days then others and having to deal with people who don't understand. He was very happy to be able to connect with other kids like him--even though they are in another country. It is so nice to find other people who understand his difficulties.


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    Wonderful news about DS's performance. DO NOT GUILT TRIP YOURSELF about momentary backstage faux-pas.

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    Agreed. You're human. Apologize if you need to for snapping at him, and then let it go. We all make mistakes, and perfectionism and parenting don't go together! smile

    And pats on the back for your DS! laugh


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    Lori H. Offline OP
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    Thanks everyone. Something else happened today that really bothered me. After piano lessons, I took my son to eat at a local restaurant. About ten high school aged kids came in and and my son overheard one of them say to another "Hey that kid over there is gay."

    In our town, if you do musical theater or dance or play a musical intrument instead of doing sports you are called gay or a geek and we already knew this from my son's middle school and high school aged friends, but somethow I thought by homeschooling we could avoid some of this.

    A few minutes later, my son saw his high school quarterback cousin walk in to the restaurant and said he thought about pretending that he didn't see him so that his cousin could also pretend that he didn't know him and then he wouldn't be embarrassed when his friends found out that he had such a geeky cousin.

    I know that I have to really watch what I say. He has enough to deal with.

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    Originally Posted by Lori H.
    About ten high school aged kids came in and and my son overheard one of them say to another "Hey that kid over there is gay."

    <eyeroll> How original.

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    Originally Posted by Lori H
    At one of the rehearsals he was in a hurry because he just had about thirty seconds before he had to go back on stage and he said "which foot does this shoe go on?" and I know people are surprised when they hear him say something like this because he seems so very intelligent. He does not have a problem with dressing when he has plenty of time. He just can't compensate for his disability when he is rushed.

    Ha, my son who has not been diagnosed with any "official" disability takes forever to get dressed and can't do things fast, no matter what is going on :-)

    Someone else has mentioned in another thread, that your son Lori seems to be at peace with his disability and his akwardness (sp).
    You should be SO HAPPY !!! Many not 2E teenagers struggle with who they are and can't except themselves.


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    Originally Posted by Lori H.
    We found an online message board where he can talk to teens with dyspraxia. Some of them sound like they are similar to my son--very intelligent but with motor difficulties that are worse on some days then others and having to deal with people who don't understand. He was very happy to be able to connect with other kids like him--even though they are in another country. It is so nice to find other people who understand his difficulties.

    Yippee!
    BTW - sorry about the shoe snap. Think of it as an opportunity to model appology and acceptence of one's human limitations. I snap at mine sometimes also - I try to take it as a learning opportunity for myself, to be a little more sympathetic to my son's teachers and other adults, and to see the level of stress I am under trying to hold a mental map of my son's strengths and weaknesses in my mind.

    Love and More Love,
    Grinity


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    Lori H. Offline OP
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    I should have listened to the advice, but I decided at the last minute to take my son to Vacation Bible School at our small town church. I thought my son and I both needed to get out of the house and around other people. I was feeling very sad and depressed because I realize that my mother is probably nearing the end stage of dementia and I know that my Dad will need more help from us in caring for her. The thought of this is just overwhelming for me sometimes. I guess I just wanted to feel that our lives were normal for a few hours.

    I had to talk my son into going to Vacation Bible School. I told him that he did not have to do the hand motions during the songs and that he could sit out during races and that I would explain to the crafts teacher that he might take a little longer to do some crafts. I just wanted him to try to have fun and I did see him smiling a few times.

    But I could feel some of the VBS teachers looking at me when my son didn't do some of the physical activities that he was self conscious about doing because of his motor coordination disorder. Some of them are teachers at the public school or are retired public school teachers. Two of the VBS teachers had a conversation next to me about how they had trouble with their kids when they were older because they did not "make" them do things when they were younger. One teacher I talked to did seem to understand when I explained that my son was twice exceptional. She said she knew that kids like mine fall through the cracks in our school. She was very nice, but the rest of the teachers, while nice to my face, were watching me and most likely talking about me. Talking about other people seems to be something they really enjoy in our small town and of course, sports, but I think that it is probably a typical small town.

    As we were leaving, I noticed the daughter of the swimming teacher who gave my son lessons a few years ago. I talked to her while she waited for her mother. I had called her mother before school was out for the summer (she is also a public school teacher) and asked if she was going to do the swimming lessons again because my son really wanted to take lessons from her. She said she would let me know. When I talked to her daughter I found out that she was doing the lessons and that they were already booked up for June and I realized then that she probably didn't want my son in the class so I didn't stay.

    My son and I then walked to our car and the lady who is in charge of VBS told me that teachers and parents who are staying during VBS are not supposed to park where I parked, although there is no sign.

    I tried so hard to keep it together on the way home, but by the end of the 15 minute drive, I couldn't hold it in any longer and I started crying and of course my son thinks it is his fault. We didn't go back this morning but tonight is family night and if my husband can go with me I want to go and pick up my son's craft.

    My son was supposed to go to acting practice yesterday evening, but when I told him his teacher had sent an email saying she was going to start 4 day a week rehearsals, he said that wasn't fun any more either and he didn't want to go. Instead, he went online and looked at all the pictures of the musicals he had been in, starting when he was four. He felt sad about it not being the way it used to be and said he just didn't want to do it any more. One of his friends is a relative of the acting teacher and he told us months ago that she gave the best parts to her relatives because her family had to look better than anyone else. All those times when she gave my son his lines to memorize last or forgot to make enough copies of the music CD so he would have to wait while the other kids had their CDs to practice with finally made sense. So the acting class isn't exactly a refuge from petty competitiveness. Yet he decided to stay for a while after hearing this because some of his friends were still in the group. Most of them have quit now though. If he quits now, she will not let him back in.

    I went to visit my parents and my dad told me that he had his worst day with my mother because she didn't make it to the bathroom in time and she didn't want to be cleaned up and she fought him and fell on the floor and he had a lot of trouble getting her back up and they both had new bruises and it was just awful.

    It looks like we are on our own here. I guess we can now add reclusive to our description of our homeschooling style, because I will not try again. I guess we will now be eclectic, reclusive homeschoolers.

    My son is okay with this. He said he knew from day one that VBS would not work for us but he knew that I wanted to go, so he went. He says he feels like he makes my life more difficult sometimes and he wants me to be happy.

    He said we just need to spend more time on the internet because with the internet you can be whoever you want to be and you can even have friends online. He says he will leave this state when he is older and maybe even this country, but until then, he can visit places online and meet people online.

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    ((HUGS))
    Sorry to hear about your bad days.

    Grimity


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    Oh, Lori, I am so sorry you are going through all this. You've got way too much on your plate. I wish I had some advice for you but I don't. Could your husband take your son somewhere for a weekend so that you could at least get some rest? Or, maybe you should leave for the weekend and check into a motel and just sleep and eat and sit in the hot tub?

    Hugs, here, too.

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