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    #14223 04/20/08 01:35 PM
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    Cathy A Offline OP
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    Arg. Lately, DS has started butting in when I am working with DD on her homework. I will ask her a question that I want her to think about and DS butts in with the answer. He has even said things like--"Well, it's not hard...I know it and I'm only in first grade. Why doesn't DD know it?" I think he is trying to be helpful but there is some sibling competitive stuff going on there, too.

    Of course I have told him that it's rude and unacceptable to butt in. That it is her work and not his and he should be doing his own homework, etc. The larger problem is that I see him catching up to her in many areas, including areas that are her passions, like art. She is 3 1/2 years older.

    How do I tone DS down without sending him the message that he should keep his talents to himself? How do make sure that DD feels free to pursue her passions and talents even if he begins to outshine her? Also, I'm not quite sure how to answer his question, "Why doesn't DD know x when I already know it?" which I think is an honest question on his part. He is trying to figure out where he fits and he is seeing that he doesn't quite fit into the regular scheme of things. He has also asked similar questions about his best friend, B, who is two weeks older than DS. B is still in preschool, however.

    Have any of you been through this with your kids?

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    We have had similar issues with DS5 at school. He likes to butt in then they are having their lessons with the teacher. He tells them their work is too easy. He is always blurting out the answers even when he isn't being asked for help.

    I am curious to hear others advice as we haven't really found anything that is working yet. We have tried talking and explaining things to him.

    I don't have any good advice on the sibling issues but I do have two younger children and I'm sure this will come up sooner or later.


    Crisc
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    Can you give DS his own stuff to do--hard stuff!--to keep him busy while you're helping DD? Or even give him a copy of her assignment and have him work on it alone (and quietly!) while you help DD?

    I think it might also be time for a talk with DS about respect for others and being kind. It's a good idea, I think, to teach these HG+ kids that "Why doesn't DD know x when I already know it?" is honest, but not necessarily something that a big sister wants to hear.

    ...Just like the correct answer to "Does my butt look fat in this?" is ALWAYS "No!" (Or at least "That other one is more flattering to your lovely figure, dear.")

    wink


    Kriston
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    Cathy A Offline OP
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    LOL, Kriston! Yes. I will have a talk with him. I am just in the process of figuring out how to say what I need to say. I am hoping others who have had this experience can give me some pointers.

    I don't think giving him a copy of her work would be a good idea. I think that would make him more competitive... I think you may be onto something, though. His own homework is not as interesting to him as hers. It is stuff he needs to do, though--like practicing writing. Maybe I could have him do something else while I work with DD.

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    5yo is a big time for competitiveness. Some of that is just normal, I think. But talking about feelings might help him to get it. Especially if you challenge him intellectually as you also talk feelings.

    And I wasn't entirely kidding about the "Does my butt look fat?" kinds of questions. Using that sort of example of an opportunity for honesty vs. kindness can help to drive home the problem to a kid who doesn't see what's wrong with his behavior.

    Can DD talk to him about how it makes her feel? That, too, might help. (Or it might be seen by DS as an opportunity to torment her, so use your judgement there...)

    Gotta love those teachable moments! smile


    Kriston
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    Cathy A Offline OP
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    Dottie,

    It sounds like your DS didn't just work through that stuff on his own, your DDs helped him see the error of his ways smile

    Maybe I should encourage DD to speak up if she doesn't like what DS is doing. She is very sensitive but she keeps things to herself. I often can tell she is upset but it can take several days for her to reach the point where she feels comfortable telling me what's bothering her. I think she needs a lot of time to process all those feelings and to collect herself so that she won't lose it just over talking about it. I think she is frightened by her own outbursts of "rampant emotionalism."

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    Cathy A Offline OP
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    Kriston,

    I'll keep my eyes peeled for teachable moments.

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    Crosspost! smile

    I think I might encourage her to--and I can't believe I'm about to type this!--express that rampant emotionalism, immediately and without processing.

    Especially if she's usually pretty emotionally contained, seeing her upset might really drive home the point to DS.

    (Or not, as I said before...)


    Kriston
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    Cathy A Offline OP
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    Originally Posted by Dottie
    Oh, and if RE doesn't work, DD13's technique was more the eye-rolling "disgusted" approach, LOL!

    LOL! Unfortunately, it's DS who loves to use the eyeroll (on me.) Methinks he is in need of a little attitude adjustment these days...

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    When it starts at age 5, don't you just want to tear your hair out to think about what it will be like at adolescence?

    eek


    Kriston
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