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    Joined: Jul 2011
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    Originally Posted by Val
    Originally Posted by JonLaw
    Intimidation purposes and to explain that you *did* consider yourself superior to them and that this simply reinforced it?

    Did you really believe that you were superior to them, or were you just trying to prove it to yourself?

    My confidence in myself was pretty complete given that I was significantly more intelligent than my age-peers (and my own family) and that's generally who I interacted with.

    I'm a very good example of someone who had limited resilience when confronted with actual challenges in college, which ultimately resulted in internal collapse and dysfunction.

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    And, in my opinion, the answer to the OP is that "No, grades should not be publicized."

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    Grades are pretty meaningless in DS8's HG 4th grade, but the kids all seem to know each other's MAP scores. They share them with each other. I think the teachers may let the kids know what the high scores on the MAP are, but I don't think they give out names.

    I'm not sure if it would matter if the teacher gave out the names -- the kids share this info themselves. I'm sure they'll stop doing that in a year or two.

    Personally, I kind of liked flying under the radar being a smart person, but I also was kind of competitive, so I probably wouldn't have minded if my grades were known by all.

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    Originally Posted by HowlerKarma
    I can still recall how sheepish I felt when in graduate school, I hit an O-chem exam out of the park (like, 96% raw score, which is insanely good for this class)... and my DH, our future best man, and a couple of our other close friends were all in this class together...

    I wanted to sink into the floor when they found out that I was the one who had earned that 96. The mean was 68 on that exam. I felt AWFUL. blush And everyone involved was clearly an adult with little to prove at that point. We were all "smart like that."

    This felt awful to me because I am not a competitive person, but some of the people who got low scores on that exam were/are. I made them feel bad, and I didn't even get any satisfaction from doing so since it didn't matter to me-- I'd have been thrilled if the low score had been my 96, truthfully.

    Your responsibility was to learn the material, and do your best. You did that. You are not responsible for how other people feel... and you have no control over that, anyway. They do.

    This behavior is the same as when we minimize our children's accomplishments in front of other parents, in order to try to protect their feelings.

    - Often times it fails/backfires.
    - It teaches the child to be ashamed of their abilities.
    - It teaches the child that they're (wrongfully) responsible for the feelings of others.

    If the schools are implementing a policy where grades are never disclosed, they can be unintentionally having the same effects as above.

    Furthermore... how are the students supposed to know which of their peers to seek out for help if they don't know who the top students are?

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    This is tough, I know of MS teachers that post the top 5 by month, no grade. It is used as a motivational tool, but I see how it can be used against a student by their peer group. What about HS where they post the highest GPAs (They do this in our public school). I work in sales so maybe my take is different, our production is posted. I have been the curve breaker and have suffered some from it. But wether I was presented in front of the class, they all already knew. DS8 is the youngest in his Algabra class, they all know he does well, and overall scores at the highest. He (at this time) has no problems, maybe because they are not his age peers, and do not see it as him being competative, but rather thats just him. I have no easy answer, other then if someone does not want their name put up, dont put it up. We have a person in our office that does not want his production shown (He is very private) so its not shown. I believe friendly competion is good (Math Counts, AMC8-12, olympiads, spelling bees, and baseball) learning how to deal with it is very important. DS8 will never be a pro ball player, but he can play and have fun, win or lose, and do his best and try to get better.

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    Originally Posted by Dude
    It teaches the child that they're (wrongfully) responsible for the feelings of others.

    People certainly are apprehensive when faced with somebody much more intelligent than they are, so this certainly isn't necessarily true in a workplace.

    If you're intimidating to your co-workers, and it's because of who you are, the responsibility is on you to manage their emotions through your actions or you are going to be in trouble.

    Hello, human nature!

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    Val Offline
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    Originally Posted by Dude
    Your responsibility was to learn the material, and do your best. You did that. You are not responsible for how other people feel... and you have no control over that, anyway. They do.

    This behavior is the same as when we minimize our children's accomplishments in front of other parents, in order to try to protect their feelings.

    I disagree. Waving one person's success at a group as a way of reprimanding the ones who didn't do as well is guaranteed to create resentment and other types of negativity. It's a way for an authority figure to say, "You guys are such stupid losers, but Joey here just so amazing and brilliant. He's a winner." You can't make a statement guaranteed to make people feel rotten about themselves and then blame them for feeling exactly the way that was intended.

    And this approach is very different from Joey doing his best and honestly admitting that he's good at some subject if asked. If he didn't ask to have his grades brandished in front of the class, teacher has no business doing it for him. Everyone has things they'd rather other people wouldn't know about them, and it's up to each individual to decide what those things are. Is there anything about yourself you'd prefer not to see advertised to a room full of people (and some may have an axe to grind with you)? If so, now you know how Ultramarina's kid feels.


    Last edited by Val; 10/31/12 01:12 PM. Reason: Clarity
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    Originally Posted by JonLaw
    Originally Posted by Dude
    It teaches the child that they're (wrongfully) responsible for the feelings of others.

    People certainly are apprehensive when faced with somebody much more intelligent than they are, so this certainly isn't necessarily true in a workplace.

    If you're intimidating to your co-workers, and it's because of who you are, the responsibility is on you to manage their emotions through your actions or you are going to be in trouble.

    Hello, human nature!

    Not human nature. Personal nature.

    In my experience, you're not talking about the ones who are significantly smarter, just the ones who think they are. They intimidate coworkers not because they're smarter, but because they're obnoxious egomaniacs who never stop talking long enough to listen to people who are trying to communicate to them how very wrong they are.

    I've worked with both, and I definitely prefer the first group. They're awesome.

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    Val Offline
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    Originally Posted by Dude
    In my experience, you're not talking about the ones who are significantly smarter, just the ones who think they are. They intimidate coworkers not because they're smarter, but because they're obnoxious egomaniacs who never stop talking long enough to listen to people who are trying to communicate to them how very wrong they are.

    I don't think it's so black and white.

    Very smart people intimidate or otherwise engender negative reactions in people who aren't as smart without even being aware of it. Using "big words," long or complex sentences, and showing signs of nuanced thinking can all be interpreted as being an obnoxious egomaniac who's out to prove you're better than everyone else. So can arguing passionately about something.

    The smart person may have no idea that s/he's using "big words" because they're just everyday words to the speaker. And likewise, no clue that making a point based on evidence or logic may not be appreciated by others who have trouble following the logic.

    Last edited by Val; 10/31/12 01:31 PM. Reason: Clarity
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    Originally Posted by Val
    I disagree. Waving one person's success at a group as a way of reprimanding the ones who didn't do as well is guaranteed to create resentment and other types of negativity. It's a way for an authority figure to say, "You guys are such stupid losers, but Joey here just so amazing and brilliant. He's a winner." You can't make a statement guaranteed to make people feel rotten about themselves and then blame them for feeling exactly the way that was intended.

    There was nothing in HowlerKarma's anecdote that indicated "brandishing" by the instructor. She doesn't indicate HOW the friends found out at all. If they were as close then as they eventually ended up, they probably would have found out whether the instructor revealed it or not. If I were in a class with my significant other, I'd want to know how she did.

    FWIW, I'm intimately familiar with the kind of negativity and resentment that can come about from public test scores, and the stakes were a heckuva lot higher than grades or class ranking. I'm talking about military ranking here. I was promoted, and others, with a lot more experience, who thought they were more deserving, who were more personally invested in their careers, were not, and this was due almost entirely to my test score. There were even people higher up the food chain who were upset, and did take it out on me in some interesting ways.

    I got over it, because being promoted was still better than not being promoted, and ultimately I proved that I truly did deserve it.

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