Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion gifted siblings ... do they get along?

I really do hope my sons stay close buddies! Right now with their birthdays, they'd be 2 years apart in school (DS4 is late August birthday so will be probably the youngest in class) but I have a feeling that DS2.7 will be skipping a grade or three, so there's always a chance they may end up together too. I'm pretty sure the younger one will be able to defend himself against everything and everyone, it's in his personality. But my older one being my sensitive trusting autism spectrum science geeky kinda kid, he'll need his "big" little brother to cover for him . So I really do hope they get along. They can fight at home just like siblings do, but I want them to know they need to stand up for each other when out in the wild

All four of mine get along quite well, and I also think it was due to a lot of deliberate actions on our parts over many years. We pretty much have always required the kids to be nice to each other. We don't tolerate rudeness, name calling, physical fighting, or put-downs. I cringe when I see those t-shirts that say things like "brother for sale." It's not like we talk to our kids about this all the time- it's just been that way for a long time. If we hear an occasional sarcastic comment, we'll pull them aside and ask, "how do you think that made your brother feel?" Or say, "I think your sister was hurt by that comment; I would have been." We don't do the "you must come to every game or piano recital or art show" by your sibing, but we do expect them to be supportive. We also are very much into the "life isn't fair," philosophy, so we make sure they realize that sometimes one child needs attention and sometimes another child needs a new something, and we aren't going to do the same for every kid just because (impossible with four anyways) and I actually think that cuts down on the jealousy. Our kids are fairly different, but it probably helps that the two older ones are both girls and two younger ones both boys (each gender set two years apart). I will say, though, that even the older and younger ones get along quite well. Ds10 just learned his first song on the violin and immediately wanted to call up dd20 at college to play it for her. She was appropriately "wowed," as required.
I didn't and don't get along nearly as well with my siblings, although I get along best with the one who left our dysfunctional family early on, as I did (the other three stayed fairly close to our hometown). In my mind, mom and dad set the stage for sibling relationships and dh and I were really committed to modeling healthy relationships and guiding them.

I have two (and we're done) who are 4 years apart. They are pretty close, but also fight a lot. I don't worry about it too much--having read the literature, fighting isn't a big deal as long as it doesn't turn into abuse, and fighting plus playing is more likely to lead to long-term closeness than little fighting but little playing.

One thing I notice is that my youngest does his damnedest to keep up with the elder, which sometimes can be threatening to her. She would like him to be more firmly in the role of little and incompetent than he is. He pushes himself so he can do what she does. I suppose all siblings are like this, but he has the ability to make it work even more. So, when she learned chess through school at 7, he also learned chess...at 3. He even tries to read her chapter books, though he puts them down pretty fast.

My kids get along pretty well, too, and we do exactly the same thing. We rarely let them "figure it out on their own," when they were younger, as some books suggest. IMO, they just didn't have the skills to know what was appropriate, and they needed help with that. My kids are also all very different, but I think they're compatible. They go off on their own with their own friends, but do look forward to the time they spend together.

Mine are 3.5 apart and are great buddies right now, but they have their moments. They really love each others company. I hope it lasts! I think DD's generosity helps and their verbalness, it gives them ways to deal and entertain each other.

Mine are also 3.5 years apart, and they do great. My ds6 is a very protective big brother - he hates if the neighbor boy (at the bus stop) picks on my dd2.5. Of course, she handles herself quite well. They argue but don't get excessively mean. When they have issues, we don't take sides (unless it's very apparent) and emphasize that they prolem solve. However, we won't tolerate cruelty on either's part. My ds has started reading books to my dd recently. I've got to sneak a video of this...it's so sweet.