Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Parenting - Difficult Ex's

"Mom seems to live vicariously through our daughter's accomplishments. She is pushing Sarah's academics a bit too much by constantly "testing" Sarah. I am concerned that she is not giving Sarah a well-rounded life. She needs a balance between academic and social time in her life."

This is what my ex wrote on his declaration to the court in response to my dd grade skip. We are going to court next week because he is seeking changes to visitation/custody orders.

I just have no words to describe how I felt when I read his comments.

Oh, no! What a low blow!

So sorry, bianca! {{{Hugs}}}

Bianca-

Do you think he genuinely feels this way, or is he lashing out at you and using dd as a pawn? I ask because it may make a difference in how you respond to him.

So sorry you have to go through this!

Lorel

No, I don't think he feels this way.

My dd has an active social life. She has lots of friends and is genuinely happy. She has no behavioral problems and makes friends easily. There is really no basis for him to make the comment on her social life.

As for constantly testing. My dd got tested (IQ) for entrance to the gifted school when she was 5 1/2 and then again for the Davidson Program (IQ and achievement - Previous IQ was too old and they needed a more updated one) when she was 7 1/2. She has taken the SCAT to qualify for summer programs thru CTY once. These are all the tests she has taken in 8 years. He school doesn't even do end of year testing (is a private school).

He really is unhappy about the grade skip and made it clear to the school that he did not agree. Fortunately I can legally approve it.

Bianca,

I would be so angry. I would probably have the school write a letter that they suggested the grade skip because and it was by no means initiated by you. You just did what the school and you believe was in the best interest of your child. I would also get a letter from your family consultant.

Good luck

Thank you guys,

Legally I am not concerned. I am just emotionally drained from all this drama. Co-parenting should not be this hard...

Hi Bianca,

Just got here and read your post. I'm also sorry you have to deal with this, it stinks! Concerning multiple testing, to my DD's; testing is a sport! They love it as much as some kids love to play basketball games. Perhaps you can put things in perspective to XDH( and this time the D doesn't stand for dear or darling, use your imagination!).

......have a virtual glass of wine with me!

Neato

Thanks Neato

I will have that virtual glass of wine with you before I have to go pick my dd from my XDH....

Cheers! <clink>

So sorry. I would agree with LMom that something from your DD's school and something re: the opportunities afforded DD by YSP and research as to what kids like her need will help defuse your XH's statement in the eyes of the court. Fact is, from what you've told us, they agreed with you once before - and your DD proved them right. It's the type of thing that can be explained very nicely. Also, it appears to me that the thinking as to what to do for extremely bright children has changed since you and your XH were kids.