Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy How do I approach this issue ? Need advice.

Thanks, everyone. I did offer to volunteer, and I filled out all the forms. The teacher just mentioned she needs help during the class parties and has not mentioned anything else.


They have said very little about the test results, even though I did bring it up a couple of times. A math assessment (separate from the tests) was done for all the kids ; the teacher said my kid does not qualify for advanced math because he did not complete all the questions asked of him (it was a verbal chat, I am assuming; will find out more during conferences). My son told me he did not realize it was a test, further the test was all about counting (which he told the teacher he knows, told her the results without demonstrating how he knows it) and he just thought the teacher was being nice, spending some time with him. .

At the same time, he is doing addition, subtraction and has just started doing basic multiplication (mostly 2's and 3's at home). With math, he just knows it, and finds it hard to imagine that he should actually explain how he knows it. He will explain it when you really explain you want to know how he knows, though. The teacher told me that unless he consistently shows her how he knows things, she cannot give him advanced stuff.

Anyway, I did bring up the testing results for math and reading; reading assessments are next. So I am waiting to see what she finds. Someone in my family is a doctor and he mentioned that precociousness will almost always lead to issues at school. This makes me very sad. I was a very good student, basically I did what I was asked, rarely got into trouble and did really well on tests.

Also, the testing was done mainly for social skills deficits. His play is somewhat different than a typical 5 year old; he loves to talk in depth about various things that typically older kids and adults enjoy. Though he will play with his classmates outside during recess, he barely acknowledges them when he is building with legos, for instance. The school thinks he should be doing co-operative play more (I want him to play more with other kids as well); but he likes to build machines that do something off-beat (such as build a new language, make a rocket carry cars, things like that). For now, he is in a social skills group. I am working with him on taking lessons he has learned in the group and applying it to real life. The social issues are only apparent with peers, and not with adults or older kids (say, 4th grade & older)


This seems to be exactly what his teacher is seeing. She thinks he is ADHD, without the hyper-activity. He has not taken the WISC, because he is a young 5. My child keeps asking me why the teacher thinks he is not paying attention, when he is doing so.

Could I also ask what sort of learning challenges you see ?


He has expressed an interest to read to his class during story time. His teacher has asked me if he could read to the class as a reward, if he completes all the worksheets, in the given time, for three days straight. I am not sure whether I should take her up on it or not. I guess I am just worried that he will either start giving up on completing worksheets or just do the needful and read the book to class and stop completing them after that.

The ADD thing is because he does not always complete the worksheets, though he always completes a book, loves artwork, completes worksheets he does find interesting.



This (the first part) would be perfect. I will find out if this is something the school can offer. Also, what is AR (haven't googled, just responding to suggestions) ? My son rebelled at the phonics lessons during preschool (his preschool teachers were fed up), but I have drilled it into his head to just listen. So, right now, he listens to the letters and their sounds without complaining. At the end of the day, when he comes home, he insists on reading a couple of books or a couple of chapters and then feels better about the day. Sometimes, I think he should come home from school, do his homework and play, instead of reading books, just to "feel better" (his words).


Right now, I am a SAHM. I am more than willing to help out at his school, but his teacher thinks she has it under control. Maybe I will offer again.


Thanks again. Any suggestions are more than welcome.

This is a really great set of observations.

Once a situation devolves into this scenario with a teacher, we've learned that authentic learning is no longer on the table for our daughter. The problem is that, now 13, she knows it as well. Not much of an incentive to be compliant, and she's become rather cynical that we (meaning parents, school, teachers) all continued to LIE to her about it 'getting better' throughout school. "It'll be different in middle school."

"It will be better in high school."

That's a pitfall to avoid if you can-- don't promise what you can't really deliver.

Thanks, HowlerKarma and master of none


He tells me that he is not learning anything new with the worksheets, other than handwriting. His handwriting, while not terrible, is not excellent either. So he is getting loads of practice about how to write his letters the right way. When he "free writes", I really get to see his ideas than well-formed letters.

As far as reading is concerned, he says he does not have enough opportunity to read in school. That's one of the reasons he wants to read in class.

I am not really sure how to approach the teacher and voice these concerns without sounding like I completely disagree with her approach (which I do, honestly)

He also says he wishes math was verbal -- not that he can't write his numbers, he can; but he just thinks that math stories (we do a lot of make believe math stories at home) and using math manipulatives is a better way to learn, rather than a page of writing out numbers.


Yes, that is exactly what is being said. I am sure that the teacher's job would be easier if he was a child who did everything by the letter.

I wish I could homeschool, but my husband is not on board (nor are our families), so that is not an option, unfortunately.

I am also somewhat worried that negative impressions that are formed during kindergarten (non-conformism, does things his own way etc) will affect him all through elementary school.

Thanks again, master of none.


I will probably request the teacher to state it was a test before giving a test, from here on.

I am also a little worried now, because the teacher and the school psychologist think that outside evaluation is needed to get a diagnosis for ADD. They keep telling me that they can accommodate so much better if there is a diagnosis. While I definitely don't want a label, I keep wondering why the teacher keeps saying he is "off-task". At home, I don't see it. I also don't see it in classes. Should I talk to them about it ? I also spoke to another mom whose son had this teacher for kindergarten; she said she had a lot of issues with her son not being creative.
Should I ask for an in-class observation ? I am really lost as to how to proceed next. His teacher brings up the lack of focus/lack of being on-task irrespective of whatever else I am asking her. That has me terribly concerned as well


I am also worried about my kid. For the past few days , he has been reading up a ton, experimenting, doing math his own way, and generally feeling rather happy with life. His outlook on life (and academics) on school days/non-school days is so different, I can't help but worry

I don't think there's any point in having the school observe him or test him or anything like that. Get your own outside testing done. I highly doubt he's got ADD, like m.o.n. stated, they don't show symptoms in just one place. My son's inattentive ADD is obvious everywhere he goes.. shoes untied, backpack half zipped, shirt all askew, barely remembering his lunch box each morning. He's on meds, which help with his impulsiveness, but nothing seems to help with his brain wandering off when he's not highly interested in something!

I was looking for some more advice and suggestions. We had a parent teacher conference, where the teacher mentioned that he was probably the smartest kid in her class, but that he does not show it during the school day. A lot of times, he seems very uninterested in the worksheets (something I have not seen at home). I again suggested reading to the class or doing worksheets that involved reading comprehension (read a page, or a story, or a non-fiction book and answer questions about it (or) write three lines about the story/book). The teacher told me "she has to teach the curriculum". I respect that, and I am willing to send comprehension worksheets or books, but she did not seem too keen, and suggested that his social skills needed work. I do agree with that. Not really sure how to advocate if all suggestions are being shot down. Meanwhile, we are continuing to just read about whatever his current interests are.


For the ADD aspect that she is seeing, I have requested that she use a timer. He does talk a lot, and responds really well to schedule/structured activities, so I am now second guessing myself, based on what the teacher said. At home as well as the library (I thought we should go to some other place to do homework), though, he seems fine.

My suggestion - Have him privately tested. You maybe be able to get insurance to cover it under the guise of testing for ADHD. You can then bring these results to the school.

My other suggestion - try and find a better school fit. Private/charter/another local public. Even within the same district the feel at an individual school can vary wildly depending on the administration.

I actually did an end-run on the school and had my older son tested privately specifically to rule OUT ADD or ADHD. When you can pull out a paper that says no-siree-bob-he-does-not-have-ADD, the conversation can finally move to where it needs to be - proper placement, challenges, and assessments.

Thanks, Amy & Lisa.
When you say testing privately, do you mean educational testing ? My son will be 6 next summer, and I read somewhere that it is best to wait till 6 or even 7 or 8 for testing to be done. Also, the school did test him, and he is verbally gifted. Processing score was average. His teacher does have those test scores as well

Or, by testing, do you mean testing by a psychologist to rule out ADD/ADHD ?

I would do whatever you can, in terms of testing. If he's too young for the WISC, do the Stanford-Binet and whatever testing your psychologist/developmental ped will do to rule out ADHD. The primary goal is to have, in writing, from a doctor, that your child does not have ADHD, so you can move on to something helpful.