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    Joined: Feb 2011
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    There is no excuse for your principal. However,the science teacher was likely not privy to all the documentations supporting the IEP. What I have found extremely helpful for my Special Needs child was to send a very detailed email to each teacher at the beginning of each year presenting the medical diagnosis, the practical manifestations of his medical issues and the specific concerns in the classroom, my offer to support the teachers and an open invitation to contact me with any problems. I have had many teachers thank me for helpful information that they would not have otherwise received.

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    Originally Posted by ABQMom
    For those of you with literal kids who do not see teachers as authority figures in the sense that they'll challenge the version of a teacher's description of events or perception of events, how do you deal with it? My kid was right in everything he said, but he was also disrespectful and out of line. I have no idea how to help this one advocate for himself without crossing the line.

    ABQ, I feel for you. This is my kid in a few years' time.

    Suggestions:
    1. Get it written into the IEP, if it's not already, that DS has an overly literal interpretation of language, give examples, and specify that teachers must try to give instructions in a way that he won't misinterpret, and be watchful for misinterpretations. If they understood him, the science situation wouldn't have happened.

    2. Role-play it with DS once he's not upset about it any more. Or draw the scene with thought bubbles, as a comic. Help him see the difference between what he was thinking and what others were thinking.

    That's all I've got... we work on this all the time....

    Hang in there,

    DeeDee

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    ABQMom Offline OP
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    DeeDee - thanks for the good advice,

    As to why leave him in there - he likes the teacher, and, for the most part, the teacher gets him. He tolerates my son's incessant questions, entertains his interruptions during class when he is questioning a theory or fact that leads to deeper thought. All in all, he is an excellent teacher - just totally ignorant about the reality that a boy that bright and that LD can be packaged all together. The teacher is the fixable part, to me. He's not reading ridiculous motives into things, not accusing my son of lying, and deals straight with him - even when it is to tell him he won't do something in his IEP. smirk

    The one who really concerns me is the special ed principal who has decided certain truths about my son that are far from the "truth".

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    Originally Posted by Quantum2003
    There is no excuse for your principal. However,the science teacher was likely not privy to all the documentations supporting the IEP. What I have found extremely helpful for my Special Needs child was to send a very detailed email to each teacher at the beginning of each year presenting the medical diagnosis, the practical manifestations of his medical issues and the specific concerns in the classroom, my offer to support the teachers and an open invitation to contact me with any problems. I have had many teachers thank me for helpful information that they would not have otherwise received.

    I did, too, for the first time this year, and as much trepidation as I had about sending it out, it did help immensely.

    After talking with my son at length yesterday (he broke down when he got home), it seems that the real disconnect was in the general assumptions people make about others' motives and behaviors based on norms. Just how Aspie-like my son became pretty apparent.

    The principal assumed my son was lying and trying to hide his involvement because he didn't come forward immediately. It was inconceivable that my son would not break the rule the teacher had set about not interrupting him, would follow the teacher's instructions to look for the missing strip of magnesium over going up to tell the teacher what happened, and that because this took 20 minutes before my son found an acceptable window of opportunity to talk with the teacher and tell him, that he was being deceptive.

    She also assumed that he would interpret "who took the strip" as a more general "what happened to the strip", which my son did not. He didn't take it, therefore he didn't raise his hand when the teacher asked who took it.

    Because he is not diagnosed with Asperger's but has what his psychiatrist calls Asperger-like traits, I'm not sure we have a clear enough diagnosis to add accommodations to his IEP, but I am pretty convinced now that he definitely needs them. To be so frozen by the class rules that he couldn't discern that speaking up this time was the better choice - I don't know how one teaches a child that nuanced of a decision-making process ...

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    Sorry your DS is having such a hard time, Lisa, and I'm also sorry I don't have anything helpful to say--just that I sympathize, because I can totally see our DD having similar difficulties in a few years. It sounds like you're handling it as well as anyone could, really, and better than I would. Also I would hope the teacher would realize at some point that regardless of any particular kid's idiosyncrasies, it doesn't seem like a very good idea to pass something around the classroom that, if anything happens to it, you're going to end up calling the police. I imagine he meant well and was just trying to give the kids some exposure to an element or something, but passing it around just seems like asking for trouble. I'm hoping things go better for everyone in the future.

    Best of luck!

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    I replied before I read your second post. OMG - your poor DS, even a child without his difficult issues would be upset! Was the police officer really necessary!?

    Hopefully his teacher was acting "in the moment" due to his upset (as we all tend to do) and will realize that he needs to modify his behavior to help your DS. Since you already have an IEP, you should be able to modify it as needs arise as demonstrated by this unfortunate incident. The lack of a formal Aspergers diagnosis should not hinder you if the traits are otherwise clear although you might need to "bulldoze" your way a bit. I would put in the written request for a meeting to modify the IEP sooner rather than later.

    Unfortunately, there really is no way to teach that type of decision making. I don't have an aspie kid, but DS does have similar issues with good judgments, for lack of a better word. I keep explaining after the fact and teaching examples, which probably doesn't do a thing for him. Oh well, it is heartbreaking but you can only do your best.

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    My son waited this morning for the science teacher to get to his class and apologized for being disrespectful and not telling the teacher sooner. The teacher gave him the opportunity to explain himself and told him that he, too, was a very literal person and would have likely done the same thing when he was that age. He told my son the reason he had to call the school "police officer" is because it was flammable and that if some student had taken it home and managed to start a fire with it, he could get fired. He said they were good. He told my son that he forgets that he sometimes needs differentiated help because he catches on to things so quickly and does so well. So he said the next time he forgets and tells my son he just needs to mature rather than getting help, just to remind him he has an IEP.

    On the other hand, the principal refused to acknowledge my email I sent today per their request forwarding the "welcome to my kid" letter I'd sent at the beginning of the year. I'm thinking she is going to nurse a grudge for a long while. Thank goodness middle school is only three years!

    Despite what is going to likely be a rocky working relationship, I think I am going to press for a notation of his behaviors at our next IEP.

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    ABQ, that's a good lesson in "making it right." Your DS is really trying hard, isn't he!

    I would work this into the IEP, for sure. You want him to have room to grow without getting slammed like this...

    DeeDee

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    I am struck by a couple of things reading this ABQMom. First, your DS sounds like an awesome kid. You should be very proud of him. (I'm sure you already know that but I needed to say it.) Second, I think your science teacher is going to turn out to be great for him. Third I am reminded of DeeDee's "voice" saying over and over on these boards that we 2E parents have to educate school personnel. That part gets so frustrating, so exhausting but when done well it reaps so much benefit for our kids. I am not sure that your principal is actually nursing a grudge. Maybe she just felt that clue bat hitting her between the eyes and she needs some time to process it. I think it is essential that you request an IEP meeting and amend your documents to reflect how this situation should have been handled. It clearly reflects WHY your DS's accommodations are there and what happens when those supports are removed. You have the upper hand coming out of this mess - I would seize the opportunity to use it to smooth your DS's road moving forward.

    Great job to both you and DS!

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    I am really proud of my kiddo - this was SO stressful, and other than being too "adult challenging" with the principal and special Ed chair, he really handled this far better than I could've hoped.

    DeeDee - I am making an appointment to see the psychiatrist we met with before school (not the neuropsych without a clue but the initial referring one who recognized the Asperger traits) to ask for some documentation to use at the next IEP. I think you're right. This needs to be added.

    Master of none - your kiddo has YOU; he will be strong with you having his back!

    Pemberley - I think her strained civility is the clue bat talking. But she is definitely being passive aggressive. She sent am email yesterday saying my son would not be allowed access to wifi to use his iPod before and after school as it was against district policy. I researched the policy, and it clearly provides access for kids using it for educational purposes under an IEP or the supervision of a classroom teacher. Instead of continuing the confrontation now, I am going to give it time and gather all the data I need to press for this at the next IEP as well.

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