Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Hothousing- did you, didn't you, will you?

Welcome, Catherine!


Our DS6 has always been a kid with "obsessions," which is what we called them, too. LOL! As long as they're child-directed--as it sounds like they are for you, too--you're not hothousing. You're just following his needs where they take you.



What you're doing is exactly right. It is scary, but you're doing fine! Don't overdo the pressure (and I can say that because I have felt it!). He's a kid and you're a mom. Your job is to be sure his needs are covered, regardless of what those needs are, just like any other mom does with her kids. Is it a challenge? Sure. But you are already demonstrating that you're up to the challenge!

I joke that I KNOW I'm going to screw up my kids--I'm a mom and that's our job! LOL! But I try to remain consistent in HOW I screw them up so that they save money on therapy later. It's a lot easier to fix one thing that's broken than lots of things.

But seriously, all you can do is your best. If you're trying and you're being self-reflective about it, you're doing all you can do, and that's all a kid really needs. Love, limits, and parents who are trying their best.

I will say that I came to the conclusion fairly early that I had two choices: be seen as one of "those" parents, or have my child become one of "those" kids. I opted to carry that particular burden. I think it pays to make the decision early, because worrying about how you're perceived and effective parenting don't go very well together in my experience. FWIW...

Anyway, welcome!

Thanks for the warm welcome and the reassuring words. I appreciate both very much.

On this topic, I just finished reading an interesting book some of you might have see, Hothouse Kids. The author is a former GT kid and she seems to have a bit of a complex about it. Although some of her conclusions are sound (the need for expanding gifted identification to minority students), the overall tone of the book was that overbearing parents were pushing their kids due to their own warped motivations and ruining these kids childhoods.

Hi CatherineD,
I hope the book assures you that you AREN'T what she's talking about, yes?

I think that 'Hothouse Parent' is mostly a ploy to encourage parents of gifted kids to feel badly about themselves, and I sure hope that you don't 'downplay' your child's difference in hopes of 'being able to pass.'

If you are finding Houthouse Kids a downer, try reading "High IQ Kids" by Kay, Robson, and Brenneman or 'Losing Our Minds, Gifted Chidren left Behind' by Ruf. I don't think you need to scare yourself by finishing HHK.

What else have you read?
There are some nice toddler threads here under the 'underserved population' area.

Welcome Dear,
Grinity

I agree with Grinity. "Passing" (or more usually, trying to pass and failing) is overrated and unhealthy to your child and to you. (Not that you were necessarily going that route. But if you were...)

I think this is the hand life dealt us/you. You can capitalize on it or bear it as a burden. Your choice.

And BTW, neither of those choices necessitates becoming an intellectual stage mom, which is mostly urban legend, I think. It's a cautionary tale used to keep parents of GT kids from getting uppity. But from what I've seen, moms of GT kids are not the ones buying up the Baby Einstein stuff. We're racing along behind our kids, just trying to keep up with them!

Thanks Kriston!
That's what I was trying to say - but you said it better!

Nah, not better, just different. But I did want to back you up because I think you make a very important point there!