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    Joined: Aug 2010
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    ABQMom Offline OP
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    This year has been, in some ways, a miracle of a change for my 12-year-old (dysgraphia, dyslexia, auditory processing issues) compared to last year. Things seem to have clicked for him to a great degree, and he is handling the challenges of remembering assignments, note-taking, and solving math problems much better than last year. And, for the first time in a long time, his teachers are finally asking why he isn't in gifted and commenting on his "brilliant, deep insights" in class. He came home recently from school with this observation, "It's all coming easier this year. I don't know why, but it is."

    This is all very good, but it has led to a complication. Both his science teacher and the principal for special education have surmised that maybe he doesn't have a learning disabilty at all. And while I can somewhat forgive the science teacher's ignorance since he was a geologist until a few years ago when he decided to take a master's in teaching, I cannot fathom how a special ed principal can actually utter the phrase, "I'm not sure he actually has a learning disability. I've talked with your son several times, and I'm not sure what others are talking about. He's obviously bright, and if he can remember SOME things, he should be able to remember these things."

    After forgetting to turn in a completed assignment for science for almost 2 weeks, I asked my son to email the teacher to ask if he could help my son remember it the next day. (His IEP allows for verbal ormpts from the teacher.) Instead of sending me a note letting me know he was not willing to help my son, the teacher called my child up in class and told him that it was not his job to remember my son's homework and that he needed to mature and be more responsible. Later in the day, he was called into the special ed chairperson's office after the science teacher went to the chair to complain. He was told that he needed to manage his own homework,

    I was not told about this incident at all until my son relayed it to me that evening, I wrote a very polite email to both the chairperson (new this year) and the sp. ed principal expressing concern that the teacher did not communicate with me before escalating the issue and that my son's IEP was not being followed. On Mnday, I sent my son to school with an old iPod so he could make verbal notes and reminders for himself and told him to go to the office to let them know he had it. (The IEP allows for a laptop or iPad.)

    The school is refusing to let him use the iPod to make notes, because "he is so disorganized he will likely loose it, and it is against our policies to have phones out during school". When I pointed out that the IEP was to define exceptions to policies, the principal shared her doubts about my son having an LD at all.

    So, now the quandary is escalate or let it go since it is one zero in one class and the other teachers are being amazingly supportive. If I escalate, it will turn adversarial and could deteriorate the support that is there. If I don't escalate, it could set precedent that they use to remove support at his next IEP.

    Thoughts? Suggestions?

    Last edited by ABQMom; 10/16/12 06:19 AM. Reason: Can't type on an iPad
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    (An iPod isn't even a phone, is it?) I would escalate, firmly and without bending over backwards to be chummy. Make sure to leave a paper/email trail and use phrases like "violating his IEP" at every turn. Stress that after the teacher violated his IEP, you attempted to provide an alternative solution but they shot you down with the falsehood about the iPod being disallowed as a "phone", perhaps pointing to other examples of A/V aids being used as accommodations if you have them. I'd also put in writing all statements you've heard doubting his LD, and throw in "evidence-based practice" somewhere.


    Striving to increase my rate of flow, and fight forum gloopiness. sick
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    ANY violation of the IEP is a big deal and it sounds like your DS is already sliding down the slippery slope. I don't think it's a matter of "do I escalate". They have already chosen to set up a battle. I think the real question is do I push back hard now or wait for things to get worse. I would act fast to nip it in the bud. As you said the teacher may be able to claim ignorance - but only once. He has had more than one opportunity now. If the principal and chair are following his lead I think the choice is clear. Maybe other teachers who know your son better can help them understand his challenges. Or maybe a review of his clinical findings will help them to understand. The bottom line is these things in your IEP are not simply suggestions that they might want to consider. They are requirements that MUST be followed. I think showing them that you understand your DS's rights can be done without escalating - however you will need to be prepared to escalate if they don't respond appropriately.

    Good luck!

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    ABQMom Offline OP
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    Lucounu - it is an old iPhone 3GS without the SIM card, making it an iPod since it cannot receive or make calls.

    Thanks for both of your quick replies - and confirming what my gut was telling me.

    As of this morning, it seems the principal has decided that what she will provide is an educational assistant to ask my son about his homework (something I asked for last year and was denied) rather than open the door to his managing things himself with an electronic device. While it is not providing a means for him to become more independent and self-reliant in managing his memory issues, she is at least acknowledging that he requires support.

    Me thinks someone advised her that she'd best offer an olive branch within the scope of the IEP or that she looked at the document and realized she was out of order.

    It is not the accommodation that is ideal at this point, since he is coping most of the time, but now I really am in a corner of being branded as a prima donna mom who has to have it her way or accepting what they're offering.

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    ABQmom
    I would go with the suggestion offered for now, especially since it was one you asked for previously. It would be nice to move your son into more self management but i don't know if its the time to do it considering the escalation. I agree with your take - she either read it herself and figured it out herself or someone told her she was in violation or danger of it - so the good news is she is trying to fix it - its disappointing that she chose a face saving option as opposed to an option which could encourage your son but not problematic. Also, sounds like there might be more conversations like these in the future - particularly with this science teacher - so maybe accepting the option is the way to go now and reserve the right to challenge later? I think your gut is speaking here about the PITA mom, take it seriously, and decide whether this is worth insisting on - you won the important battle - she and by extension the science teacher read the IEP and knows now they behaved badly.

    take with a grain of salt - but do listen to you gut - unless you are worried your gut is overreacting and going all momma bear and lifting a car off your child to mix my metaphors! then do step back so as to appear reasonable. But that line of reasonable vs PITA is tricky -and often used I think to try to get us to demand less than what they are obligated to do.

    DeHe

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    Originally Posted by ABQMom
    It is not the accommodation that is ideal at this point, since he is coping most of the time, but now I really am in a corner of being branded as a prima donna mom who has to have it her way or accepting what they're offering.

    I don't think it's quite this black-or-white. My suggestion would be to accept the offer (in an email reply), but also call an IEP team meeting to discuss how to move toward a solution that would promote your ds' independence. While it's a wise idea (politically speaking) to accept this solution for now, you don't have to accept it as a long-term solution at all. Using an electronic device as a planner for writing down homework assignments is a common accommodation, and moving students toward independence is a win-win goal for staff and student. I'd propose to the team that the assistant help phase-in the electronic device, and once he is functional and using it independently, they can phase out the assistant.

    I would also make sure that if they are offering an assistant, it's written into your ds' IEP accommodations.

    And bummer about the situation with the science teacher. FWIW, we've really noticed an increase in ability to self-manage for our ds12 during the past year too. I'd often heard that EF challenges sometimes improve with maturing through puberty and I think we've definitely seen that with our ds.

    Good luck with your school -

    polarbear

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    ABQMom Offline OP
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    Well, I went from feeling like maybe this was all manageable to wondering if curling up in a fetal position and pretending the world doesn't exist is a viable solution.

    I got a call from the school today that ended up being a 40 minute conference call between the special ed principal, the special ed chair, my son and me. It seems that my son broke off a small piece of a magnesium strip in science while it was being passed around the class. He hadn't heard the instructions that the strip contained highly flammable material and bent it - and the instructions were not written anywhere for him to be aware of it. He passed along the piece that hadn't fallen on the floor. When the teacher got the strip, he went ballistic because it had been broken and wanted to know who had taken the piece that was missing. (This is like a tiny litmus strip for science experiments.) My son didn't raise his hand because, as he told the principal and the police officer who were called to the class, "He asked who took it, and I didn't take it. I didn't have it. I didn't know he was asking who broke it."

    The teacher and administration held the class until they were all tardy trying to "break someone" into telling what happened. When one of the kids said they thought my son broke it, and he was asked, he said, yes, it broke. The piece was on the floor. They accused my son of lying to cover up not getting into trouble until it got all the kids in trouble, which upset my son who began defending himself and verbally questioning the veracity of the statements being made by the teacher and the administrators.

    Their solution was to move my son to a new teacher. I refused and said that my son should not have to make a new adjustment into a new class over this and that the teacher in question needed to simply make some small adjustments and that they would do fine. I told the principals that my child was VERY literal and that he wasn't trying to lie, and that he owned responsibility when he realized what was being asked.

    It took a good forty minutes to calm things down - including letting them know that if they tried to move him without my permission, I would ask for a meeting with the principal, my spouse and a lawyer. This caused them, of course, to back off and decide that maybe things didn't need such a knee-jerk reaction. When I said that the only way I'd consider moving him was if it was to gifted classes, they backed off on moving him.

    And, not too surprising, he called later from the nurse's office wanting to come home due to a stomach ache and head ache. I'd have one, too. He decided to stick it out once we talked it through, and he realized the physical symptoms he was feeling were from anxiety and stress and not actually getting ill. I feel so sorry for him.

    ... and I thought this year was off to such a good start.

    For those of you with literal kids who do not see teachers as authority figures in the sense that they'll challenge the version of a teacher's description of events or perception of events, how do you deal with it? My kid was right in everything he said, but he was also disrespectful and out of line. I have no idea how to help this one advocate for himself without crossing the line.

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    Oh. Good. Grief! Is this science teacher for real??? It sounds to me like a masters in teaching is not enough prep for this guy to be in a public school classroom. He seems to need some SERIOUS education about dealing with special Ed kids. I would go ahead and make that appointment. From what you've posted today this is only going to get worse if not addressed. Take a deep breath, dust off that flak jacket and get ready to rumble. There are some people who need to get hit upside the head with a clue bat. I'm sorry but your geologist turned middle school science teacher seems to be one of those.

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    ABQMom Offline OP
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    Originally Posted by Pemberley
    There are some people who need to get hit upside the head with a clue bat.

    Best. Quote. Ever.

    I needed that, Pemberley. I'm feeling a bit like a failure of a mom today.

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    scratching my head... I don't understand why getting out of the bad teacher's class isn't a great thing for your son?

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