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    Joined: Jun 2012
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    Melessa Offline OP
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    Well, my ds is in kindergarten week 11. Grades about to close for term 2. His teacher and I have been in contact about every 2 weeks. Last week, I wrote her sending feedback after the star test and AR leveling came back. ( I told her thanks;the book was better; that he's started using his homework as a starting point and expanding on it- writing a couple sentences, making harder questions/ problems and answering them; and that he doesn't think he does math at school. Also, mentioned what I've said to him: listen to your teacher, follow the rules, be patient). After this email, the teacher is requesting another parent/ teacher conference. I'm not really sure why. However, I am hoping to use this time to see if I can get language arts differentiation for my ds. I would think with MAP score and now AR test, it would be easier to advocate for. Also, I have tried to email the gifted coordinator for the school to see if he would speak/ meet with mw regarding if I should recommend my ds for gifted. (He has not responded.) I'm not sure if I should ask ds teacher what she thinks (the request is due Monday.). I know my ds is still trying to find his place at school. He definitely tries to be a pleaser, but the teacher is already starting to see some behavior issues. He complains daily about the lack of challenge at school. I'm just not sure if I'm heading in the right direction. Also, I'm really tired. I wish my ds was enjoying more of kindergarten, so I could worry less.
    Sorry this is long winded, but any advice would be great! Thanks!
    Melessa

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    Kindergarten is meant to be enjoyed. It isn't normal for a Kindergarten kid to be unhappy during the day. Sure a Middle school should be mature enough to handle that his days have high and low points, but that is asking a lot of a kindy kid.

    It may be the the teacher is seeing this and feels bad and hopes for ideas on how to change this?

    On the other hand, it may be behavioral issues. If so, I love that book 'Transforming the Difficult Child Workbook' by Lisa Bravo and Howard Glasser. In addition, he needs to be in a classroom with kids who are similarly 'ready to learn' - MAP scores are great evidence of this. It's normal for school folks to be worried by the behavior and not want to place a kid with older (better behaved) kids, but if it gets to the root of the cause of the behavior problems, then it works quite well.

    It may help to encourage a 'scientific' approach - create several hypothesis, construct tests to see which one is true, and then evaluate the results.

    Prepare for the meeting by writing up a few stories that help the teacher see the child you see - some about the precocious aspect, some about the 'burn to learn' some about how school makes him feel.

    Keep us posted,
    Grinity


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    I have no grand advice since my meeting with ds' K teacher tanked BADLY. What I learned from my meeting (apart from the whole feather ruffling thing), is to ask the teacher to give you a clear appraisal of what she is observing in class. I wish I had asked more about this at our meeting. I think it would've helped me immensely to know (earlier in year) that my ds is happy as a clam to bring his ability level down to that of his classmates.

    I love the idea of the hypothesis: is he misbehaving because he's bored, not fitting in socially, impulsive, oppositional? Hopefully his teacher will fe an active participant in the "research".

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    Melessa Offline OP
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    Thanks for the words of advice, Grinity and Evemomma.
    I'm not really sure how best to explain my ds teacher. She is very sweet, but wants him to fit in a kindergarten mold. I kind of don't get it. She asked me to work on coloring in the lines. Really? First of all, he does not like art. Then, she was quick to tell me when drawing, he has a hard time ( ex. Starting on the same line). Ok- I can work on handwriting/ drawing stuff. Yet, what about his desire to learn? Then, she asked if we did star fall at home. I nicely told her my ds had done it couple of times -2 years ago. At which point she said, ok let me talk to the 1st grade teachers and see what I can suggest. She asked me to work with Ben on writing a book with illustrations and sentences- that it's not about writing a sentence but "how and why". The teacher says ds is very happy and engaged in class, first to raise hand, gives good answers ( can explain how and why), and loves helping his peers. She thinks him telling me he's bored is when he misbehaves then doesn't like school. I was kind of taken off guard and need to reask, maybe he misbehaves because he is bored???
    Anyways, I was given some things to work on him with, but not really how she is going to help him. Strange how that happened.
    Well, thanks for listening. Now, time to figure out the next step.

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    I now realize how lucky we were to have an insightful kinder teacher for my older son. When he started to misbehave (tying other kids' shoes together in circle time...), she asked if we'd considered getting him screened for gifted. She set up the screening appointment with the school's evaluator and delivered the news that he'd topped out on the screening test. We chose to pull him from public school and put him in a more rigorous academic private school, something we would have never done without her intervention.

    Misbehavior can be from boredome, and it is worth exporting if he's unhappy.

    Good luck!

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    Time to learn the famous 'redirect.'

    You say: 'Yes Teacher, It's possible that he is complaining due to when he misbehaves then doesn't like school. But what other possibilities are there? How might we test that idea?'

    Basically whenever she says something that gets her off the hook and you on it, agree and ask 'what other possibilities are there? How might we test that idea?'

    I agree that introducing the idea that the misbehavior might be caused by the boredom instead of vice versa, but it's even better if you can give the teacher time to think aloud and come up with that idea on her own. If not, then definitely suggest it.

    He is complaining daily. Is he misbehaving daily?

    It's your job to 'close the loop' in terms of expressing your son's emotional state in a persuasive and interesting way. Be sure the teacher knows how badly you feel about the daily complaining. This isn't the moment to 'be strong.'

    That she is planning to talk to the first grade teachers is good. I would ask the teacher how the MAP scores compare to other kids in his class and to kids in the 1st and 2nd grade classes. You need to know.

    Is it a half day or full day program?
    Is there a gifted program that you can request that he be tested for?
    I would repeat the emotional concerns to the Gifted Coordinator in writing, and state that you are formally requesting an evaluation because you don't think your child's educational needs are being met in the regular classroom.

    Everyone cares if your kid is happy or unhappy. It's your job to let them know what's going on.

    ((hugs))
    Grinity


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    The fact that your DS is unhappy is the real cause for concern. It is important to get to all the underlying factors.

    You don't need the gifted coordinator's permission to recommend your DS for gifted. If there is a looming deadline, then you should just do it.

    It is also important to remember that kindergarteners are really all over the place in acadmeic achievements at this point and there will be many changes through the year. This is relevant because it makes it that much harder for teachers to differentiate as well as makes them less inclined to do so.

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    Melessa Offline OP
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    Grinity- to answer some of your questions: school is full day. There is a gifted program. Yet for k and 1st grade, you have to first meet with the principal and gifted coordinator. I have tried emailing gifted coordinator with no response. I guess in 1st grade, they do CoGat testing and can get automatically referred from that. My ds map scores were 99% in reading and 93% in math. His teacher said these were very good. I think since my ds "acts" okay most of the time at school, the teacher doesn't really believe the reports I'm telling her. Also, I think the teacher really like ds, so she doesn't want to think he is unhappy. I guess I'm going to try to email her again. To be continued....

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    Popped in to see how you were doing. It is an ongoing saga, is it not? I think it's ridiculous that you haven't heard from the gifted coordinator. Maybe you could email the gift c and principal both and see what response you get?

    After our awful meeting this week, I got an email from ds' teacher today and seems the most open and cooperative so far. Like she is either completely blowing sunshine OR maybe she is starting to believe that I'm not delusional. She is working to get ds level appropriate for homework, but I'm hoping that we can transition this to in-school work.

    Keep us updated!

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    Evemomma-
    Thanks for checking on me. At this moment, I am feel pretty frustrated. The gifted coordinator finally wrote me back, saying I need to communicate with the k teacher, she knows ds, la, la, la. I wrote his teacher again, but haven't heard back. So, everything needs to be orchestrated through his teacher, but she seems not really sure what to do or have the time to do it with 20 other kids in the class. On top of that, my ds came home telling me he hit a kid today, " because she couldnt even count the right way". great. We'll see.
    Enough about that, glad to hear things are looking up for you:) hope it continues!

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    Offer to help with the paperwork. Tell her you're willing to fill out the parts that you can to make her job easier. I've had teachers take me up on the offer, and others were at least motivated to move a little quicker once I'd offered - even if they didn't accept the help.

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    Melessa Offline OP
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    Thanks for the advice, Lisa. But, if you don't mind me asking, what paperwork should I offer to fill out?
    I have offered to stuff folders and volunteer in class one day/ week. I have a 2 yr old that prevents me from doing more, based on the teacher needs. I also have volunteered to help in the library.
    Btw, funny update, when I asked ds teacher about gifted she gave me gifted coordinator's email. So, I guess no one was to address this. I'm really just hoping all this effort on my part helps to get Ds he needs. The teacher also wants to meet with me and ds next week to discuss behavior and feelings. I'm a bit anguish about this because I don't want him to feel like he's in trouble or we're ganging up on him. Also, I'm not sure how he'll respond in front of both of us. And of course my dh will be oot.

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    Maybe Lisa means a 'gifted application'?

    Hmmm...maybe I'm off, but I would think the teacher would want to meet with the parents first before addressing ds? That way, you and teacher can come up with a constructive plan so, as you say, ds doesn't shut down and cooperate even LESS.

    It's hard enough to be 5, let alone be 5, meeting with two adults, and perceiving that you have done something terribly wrong.

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    Evemomma-
    So, there is no application for gifted per say at this age. Just a meeting. As far as meeting with me and ds- yeah, that's how I feel. My dh seems to think it will be fine, but I'm leaning towards atleast asking for a gameplan, so I know what's gonna happen and can support ds and help him. I definitely don't want a touchy situation to get worse. Dh did suggest that I see if the meeting can happen in 2 weeks when he will be in town to atleast watch my ds age2. On a positive note, I met with the librarian today who knows ds well, and we had a lengthy conversation about how to continue with reading, AR testing and things to suggest to teacher. Yay.
    I've also been worrying about his social situation at school. Teacher says he's fine, friends with everyone. Yet, he comes home telling me he has no friends, is looking for someone nice. I am wondering if he feels different. The only kid he talks about at school is his book buddy, a 3rd grader. I keep wondering if I could ask him if he feels this way, but I'm not quite sure how. When I've tried to ask about play dates, ds tells me, "if you want me to, Mommy." I have told him its if he wants to, so he's had no play dates since 8/1 when school started. Any thoughts?

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    Yup...I would wait until dh can come and no kids (really, how much real dialogue can go on?). I wanted to tell ds' teacher about his low frustration tolerance and other "flaws" that ds didn't need to hear spelled out out like that - let alone hear MORE about how "smart" he is (LOL).

    We haven't had any play dates with "new" school friends. We're lucky, ds waits with a neighbor/friend at the bus stop and gets to fool around then. He also has about 6 boys from his soccer team (they've been playing together since they were 3) in the kindergarten classes at school (there are FIVE classes!). Only one of his soccer buds is in his class - and ds is really annoyed by him now) . Ds talks the most about 2 students (a boy and girl) that I think are probably the
    more mature/ahead kids in class.


    Maybe you could try to observe him st recess

    Last edited by Evemomma; 10/19/12 04:21 AM.
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    ...pushed submit too early. I think recess usually spells out social hierarchies more than even in class.

    Does ds tend to hang with older kids? Our school does combined recess K-2, which can be bad for potential "bullying", but it also gives ds ability to play with some older kids.

    Kids don't need a lot of friends...but they definitely need to feel they have at least one in class/lunch/recess.

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    Melessa Offline OP
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    So, teacher agreed to wait until dh is home, but I kind of want more input from teacher about what she wants to accomplish with meeting with ds and me. I'm sure he's just gonna say everything is "fine" in front of his teacher, but maybe ds will surprise me. As far as the social situation, it's kindy only on the playground- 4 classes somewhat staggered. He will play with different age kids, but they can't be real rough and tough boy. I keep hearing that he plays with lots of different kids, but he reports "none are his friend". Also, I have heard that he is never next to the same kid at lunch. On the bus, he's hanging with the 3rd graders. I think part of ds issue is he is very sensitive, so he is kind- most of the time, but if someone hurts his feelings- that's it. I realize he has to figure this out on his own, just wish he would "make 1 friend". I think it would help him feel better about his place in class. I don't know...

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    Yes - I meant the referral papers. I think the document was like 30 pages that we had to submit for our youngest. When you consider this has to be repeated for each child that a teacher believes needs to be screened for special education or gifted, it is daunting.


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    Thanks for the clarification, Lisa. Our school doesn't require that- thank goodness. Our school requires a meeting and map test score results.

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