Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy DIY behavior modification ideas?

So this year is going *pretty* well so far--DD9's teacher is being very supportive, but of course there are limits on how much she can do. DD continues to need reminders in class every day to not interrupt others, to listen respectfully to ideas of others in group discussions, to (appear to be) paying attention during group lessons, to keep her stuff organized (i.e., not scattered all about the floor), and to not overreact when she doesn't get her way...which actually is kind of a daunting list, but the teacher is really trying to help her, which is awesome--she just doesn't want to have to remind DD all the time (plus it's not really working to change the behaviors in the first place, although usually DD complies when reminded). We practice and reinforce all of these things at home, but I think what would really help is for DD to have consequences when she does these things at school, and rewards for not doing them--either at school or home. The teacher is already spending time and effort giving DD reminders and seemed cool to the idea of some kind of 'point system' that would reinforce behavior at school, so I've been trying to come up with something that would require minimal or no effort from the teacher that we could use at home to reward or give consequences for DD's good or bad behavior in class. At home, we see that DD is *very* motivated by rewards and consequences, whereas reminders just tend to roll right off her back. I just can't figure anything out, because DD is not an accurate self-reporter (plus it's tricky even with the best of kids to get them to self-report bad behavior), and DD honestly seems to not remember how many reminders she got each day, and to think that her outbursts are inconsequential (even though we discuss otherwise all the time). Has anybody dealt with a situation like this, or have any ideas?

Just throwing out an idea...

1) Have your DD start each day with a set number of points... 5, 10, whatever works, depending on her behavior.

2) Each time the teacher has to give a reminder to your DD, she tells DD she's just lost a point.

3) Teacher records the number of points remaining on a sheet at the end of each day, which goes home to you at least weekly.

4) Your DD accumulates points and cashes them in for various predetermined rewards at home.

For the initial points, whatever you set it to, you want to make sure your DD won't hit zero too early, or too often, because then she might decide she's got nothing left to lose, and REALLY misbehave.

Thanks for the suggestions!--all the kids have a daily lesson plan that they check on each day, so that would be a logical place to keep track of points, and maybe if we're just checking in with the teacher once a week she wouldn't consider it too much extra work. I'll give it a shot. Being able to cash the points in for rewards will definitely motivate DD to earn them, and to use the system! Thanks again!

Dbat, I would NOT advise setting up a program where something (points, whatever) is lost. Losing points is really sad. You want something that feels positive, not punitive.

I know you are not comfortable with the diagnoses she's been given, but they may be useful to you in getting resources to work on this. We got special ed teacher support in the classroom for the precise collection of projects you're working on; it took pressure off the teacher and allowed for much more consistent reinforcement, and better learning of those skills. This is the thing that made the most difference for DS.

DS has had a variety of systems over the years; when he was first developing these skills he needed immediate positive reinforcement for extremely well defined goals. (i.e. "We need you to sit still on your rear and keep your eyes facing the teacher for five full minutes; if you do that, you'll get a plus, which translates to X small reward" -- and write the plus in the planner OR give the reward immediately, as MON suggested). We preferred inschool rewards to out of school rewards, because they could be delivered immediately (we kept the teachers stocked). The immediacy is important, so that doing the desired thing feels worth while.

Now, in 5th grade, we have moved to an assessment at the end of the day as to whether he met his classroom behavior goals, and the reward is delivered at home immediately after school. It's a long checklist, he has every item on it memorized, so he knows the goals well. There's been a lot of progress.

HTH
DeeDee

How about just asking your DD to track reminders when they happen? And then she can report back and own the number and the attempt to modify the numbers. If she doesn't realize how often they happen maybe that will turn on a light for her and she can take more control of her own behavior? Then she can know if it doesn't work and her tracking doesn't jive with the teacher's perception then a system less in her control would have to happen.

I have my kid charting his behavior on index cards in a recipe box. I put five things I like to see:
Nice Listener
Good Friend
Finished Work
Asked First
Ate Veggies

I wrote 1-5
1 at all
2 some
3 a lot
4 most of the time
5 every time

He circles how he did (on the days I remember to do it). The system is from that Nurtured Heart Workbook. It is positive discipline and it gives partial credit because you never really totally blow it, there's a little good on the worst day. It acknowledges that there really are more good things happening than bad. It looks like a waitresses comment card with the numbers 1-5 next to the desired behavior. You just circle your ratings for that day. I hope I'm showing him how to monitor his own goals and behavior in the future. There's no rewards attached to the cards. It's just a question.

DeeDee--thanks; I think you're right that we have to make it positive somehow b/c otherwise she effectively gets penalized for reporting--so maybe a decrease in reminders?? But (also to Zen Scanner's point) we were trying to just have her keep track of the number of reminders last week to establish a baseline and I just can't get a straight answer out of her. So maybe I should just pick a number and give her points if she gets fewer reminders than that--so it's a positive incentive. Thanks also DeeDee for your comments about having help in the classroom--we would totally do this if it were an option, but the classroom is quite small and the school had resisted that kind of thing before (with another kid we knew) so unfortunately it has to work some other way. And we're still exploring the diagnoses--which still kind of annoy me further in that they weren't actually stated to be diagnoses, but rather probabilities of DD having the conditions based on the questionnaires (maybe it's always done this way? but I've seen 'tentative diagnosis' before, rather than x% on the scale). Anyway, we really want to do what we can to make this work and hopefully DD's behavior will catch up in a year or two so she can fit in better. Maybe I'll suggest LaTexican's idea of the cards, or some variation, to see if the teacher would think that was easier. But it really helps to have the brainstorming--thanks so much!!

Here's my two cents: I wouldn't count reminders b/c that is not HER behavior, and she truly can't control whether her teacher is feeling rather patient one day and seriously annoyed another day. Though still dependent upon her teacher (and thus, fallible) I would splits dd's day into smaller increments and define one or more goals for her during these times (ie: will raise hand before talking, will stay in seat - etc- for 15 minutes). If she gets one warning /reminder or less, she earns a point/tally mark/coin /you name it. She always gets to start new with each period (and the periods gradually lengthen as she experiences success. The "earning " system is really based on what motivates her (running errands for teacher, lunch with teacher, extra computer time in class, food, trinkets, praise) .

Evemom is right--if you had another adult available to take data, you would definitely be counting prompts. Unless the teacher wants to keep an index card in her pocket and tally for a few days, this data probably can't be had. (We have also sent an outside psych into school to take data.)

The teacher's energy will be limited--you can ask for a day or two of data, but I would want the energy going into rewarding the right behaviors to increase their frequency. Not a reward so large that it will upset your DD if she doesn't get it, just a mildly pleasurable perk.

DeeDee

I like that idea, too, Evemomma (and DeeDee!). Maybe the teacher will change her mind about it if we keep suggesting it politely. I will suggest it to the psychologist we're working with and the teacher as a possibility--the psychologist and the teacher have been talking directly, which has been fine (so far), so maybe the suggestion would sound better if it came from the psychologist--b/c as the psychologist pointed out, it might look like more work up front, but if it improves DD's behavior it will end up saving the teacher time and energy in the future. Thanks!