Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Can't Afford IQ Testing

Hello. My name is TJ and I live in Portland, OR. I have two gifted children, but I don't know how gifted because I cannot afford to do any kind of IQ testing. My son is ten now and in fifth grade, but he is in Talented and Gifted (TAG) and he is at the top of his class in everything except writing. He seems happy at the level that the school can help him with, but he really struggles with being fearful and having anxiety attacks, feeling overwhelmed by life, etc. I believe this is directly tied in with his giftedness.

My daughter is going on seven and she shows her giftedness in completely different ways. She is in the first grade but she is going to third grade math and third grade excelerated literacy. She is also in a Spanish Immersion program where she does all of the first grade work in Spanish, and is now reading at the level first graders should be at, at the end of the year. She is easy going, very popular and a very happy child.

So my question is, now what do I do? I want to give them every opportunity and I worry that I am holding both of them back. I have been critisized over and over for pushing them too hard by parents and teachers that do not understand, but my children get upset and sad when I encourage them to slow down or focus on TV or just "play". They get really bored and they beg me to allow them to move on, move ahead.

But since I can't get the testing done, how do I know what they really need? Any questions or comments would be incredibly appreciated. Thank you so much for your time. TJ

Welcome Ms. TJ! (((hugs)))

First I want to congradulate you on your daughters educational situation - I'm drooling - there's no money in the world that can buy a flexable situation like she has - Go Ms. TJ! Go Ms. TJ! Enjoy it, and don't take it personally if it suddenly stops working for dd, because, from what I hear, even the best set ups can be outgrown in 4-6 months time.

Now, on to you. I have been there/done that with being critisized for "pushing the kids" by people who just "don't get it" and maybe never will. What helps me is spending time at a girlfriend's house as seeing how she sits with and supports/bribes/cajoles and pushs her bright son for an hour a night, 4 nights a week to do his homework! My son is in the same classroom, and spends 2.5 minutes, maximum. Once he had 7 minutes to do, and had a full tanturm about it being more than he could possibly do. ((This is why I worry about underachievement.)) Google the term "Flow" or read:The Optimistic Child by Martin Seligman. Then make friends with other parents of gifted kids who can support you. (You just might meet parents who do push their kids, then you'll KNOW that that isn't you - LOL!)

Some of life's problems can be fixed by changing one's perspective. It's the other kind of problems that scare me - your son sounds like he is having some real struggles, and I'm glad you are able to notice them and are looking for help. Here are some things I would try:
1) Talk to your school psychologist about your son's anxiety attacks. Can she give him service in school, individually or in a small group?
2) Is your son getting medication/talk teraphy? If so, request a "Educational Disability" meeting from the school, the kind that moves toward an IEP. Mental Illness qualifies him for the special education program, this can open the door to writing help and also a school administered IQ and Achievement test in perperation for an IEP.
3) If your son isn't recieving care for mental illness, and you think it's the right thing for him at this time, check and see what your medical insurance will cover.
4) A relativly cheap way to get an idea of your son's giftedness is through the talent searchs -such as http://www.jhu.edu/~gifted/ They can administer an SAT as early as 10 years old, although 12 is the typical age.
5) Check out the website for supporting the social and emotional needs of gifted. They have good articles. http://www.sengifted.org/

write back and say more
((hugs and smile))
Trinity

I'm not sure about the laws in OR, but here in CT the school HAS to administer an individual IQ test if it is requested by the parents. They just make sure not to advertise that little fact, lol. Check your state dept of edu website and see what types of evaluations they have to perform at parent's request. You could also ask for a comprehensional educational evaluation because of his anxiety (which would have to include IQ/achievement testing to be comprehensive). Last but not least, you can see what your insurance covers in terms of psychological evaluations. Good luck L-)

Thank you to Trinity and Katie. I have so much to think about, to research, and to study. I appreciate both of your input and information. This is all very good to know. The learning curve on all of this is quite steep, so to have the help is wonderful.

Hi Ms. TJ,
How did the rest of the school year go? How is summer? What's on deck for September?
Smiles-
Trin

Hi Trininty:

The rest of the school year was okay. My son did the fifth grade testing and passed. I still can't believe how much his abilities have declined over the years. I completely believe it is because of the school system, because if I was still homeschooling I would do so many things differently. My daughter faired well, finishing most of the third grade stuff and doing first grade in Spanish, so next year should be interesting. I think she will do great because her teacher next year sees how bright she is and he is her dual immersion teacher so I think it will go really well. He wants her writing and reading in Spanish at least at a third grade level if not higher. I am excited. How are you? Feel free to write me off list at jowendel@comcast.net

Someone recently recommended the book "The optimistic child" for me to read in relation to my daughter and son. It may not be helpful in dealing with your son's anxiety - but it might, depending on the source of it.

The general idea of the book is that we can teach kids to be more optimistic and thus reduce the stress on themselves and increase their chances of happiness in life.

I have found it useful and identified many types of 'self talk' that my kids do that has been unproductive - and ideas on how to help them rephrase things to be more encouraging to themselves.

Mary