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    Joined: May 2009
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    Wyldkat Offline OP
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    This is a vent and if anyone has any positive advice I will happily accept it.

    Three weeks in to Kindergarten through a homeschool program and Bear 110% does not agree with school. I've figured out his working levels and all the work he's getting is his level or slightly below. Wolf has been doing Independent Study his whole school career and barring the few boundary testing problems we've never had any real long term issues. I, rather blindly, assumed I had the whole process down.

    Bear on the other hand.... He refuses to start doing any work until he has hemmed and hawed for at least 15-30 minutes over which paper to do. (If there is only one he just won't do it at all) Then he sits there and complains and procrastinates, does it wrong on purpose, erases it fifteen times, plays with his pencil, lies about not knowing the answer, etc... Pretty much anything you can think of, he does. Once he actually starts he does just fine and generally finishes in an appropriate amount of time. This means that a 5 minute phonics worksheet will take, on the worst days, over an hour to complete.

    He chooses to do worksheets that do not need to get done over ones that do. So a bonus sheet in his folder for if he finishes everything and still wants work to do will get done before the work that needs to get finished. And it's not even a FUN extra sheet that would be tempting! They are really only in there because I'm expecting so little work from him to try and ease him into all this that I feel guilty and want to see more work in the folder.

    On top of all that, he LOVES EPGY math and will spend 40 minutes (2 sessions) at a time gleefully playing on it. He would do that every day if he could. He'll be to second grade math by the end of October or November at this rate. All I "require" per week is 3 twenty minute sessions...

    He has issues with perfectionism and expectations, I understand and I love my Bear with all his intricacies, but I really don't know if I can do this. If school for this child involves 5-8 dedicated one on one hours per day (he won't do anything except EPGY if I'm not within arms length), I will LOSE it. He couldn't function at all in a regular classroom so that's not an option. I could take away all expectations, but then he's not doing school and not working his way through his difficulties until they get easier so that's not an option either!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!

    What do you DO with kids like this? I'm being consistent. If he lies or flat out refuses to do work he gets time outs until he's willing to work, but even that backfires because he'll just stay in his room, sitting peacefully on his bed for the rest of the day. The rules are always the same, they don't change by the day or the mood. He has a healthy diet, lots of exercise, time outside, his brother to play with and to model proper behavior, playdates with kids who he can deal with. This was really the last thing I was expecting to deal with....

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    Wyldkat, that is really frustrating.

    I seem to remember that ASD has been ruled out for Bear, right (or was that Wolf)? If it hasn't been, I would look at that possibility. A child who does not respond to the consistency of discipline the way most kids do often has something else going on.

    Regardless, I would still seek the involvement of a behavior therapist (Board Certified Behavior Analyst). That is a person who is equipped to work on these rigidities and teach following directions and other basic skills that are necessary for getting work done, and so on.

    DeeDee

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    This actually sounds exactly how I imagine homeschooling my eldest would go. It's why we don't homeschool. We've got some great teachers at his school (a Montessori) and even they struggle with motivating him to work. Now that he's 8 it's getting a lot easier, but early on he put them through the ringer. And for what it's worth, ASD and attention disorders have all been ruled out in our case.

    Some things that have worked at times:

    Have him guess how long each one of his tasks will take him. Give him a timer and see if he can beat the times he guessed.

    Schedule play breaks throughout the day but let him know that if he chooses to play at work times, he's choosing to work at play time.

    Let him plan his day the evening before. Give him some choices of works and have him write himself a schedule choosing what he will do 1st, 2nd, 3rd, etc... Choosing can be a great time waster but somehow when it's being done the night before mine seems more motivated. Perhaps because he doesn't feel the work itself is right after he chooses?

    If he's a good reader, hand him a checklist in the morning. At the top, tell him what time he should be done and what the consequence is if he's not (for example: we are going to play a game together at eleven. If you aren't done, you can continue working instead of joining us). Also tell him on the sheet you arent going to nag or remind him to work. Then leave him completely alone. My DS loves the attention of nagging (which is also a lovely distraction from work). So we had to find a way to take that out of the equation.

    Honestly, I have no idea if any of these would work for Bear. But they have, at times, helped my DS. Good luck!!


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    I can't offer any advice ... but I have to say I can imagine that being us next year! Bear sounds 100% like my DS4! ... we were told earlier this week that DS4 has PDD and are looking into further testing but for now Asperger's seems to be the most likely choice. ... Not saying that's what your son has, just giving background info for my son. I am considering homeschooling Kindergarten but I can't get him to follow directions much unless it's something he's strongly interested in. And any kind of discipline doesn't work for him. When I tried time outs, he'd find a spec of dust on the wall interesting and entertaining for the whole time he was in time out! lol

    I don't have any practical experience with homeschooling ... but how about "un-schooling"? That way he'd give you the direction to go and still learn?

    My son won't follow much spoken direction but I signed up for ABCMouse.com and Starfall and he does pretty good following directions given by computer games and programs. So, maybe less formal schooling would work better?

    Joined: Feb 2012
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    KJP Offline
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    My son and many of his kindergarten classmates also lack motivation to do worksheets. At this point his teacher is handling it. Basically he doesn't get free time until his work is done. Which sounds a lot like life. smile
    I am by no means an expert and my kids are not little saints (and perhaps this is why) but I would try rewarding (AKA bribing) him for timely completion. I'd talk about it the night before and really talk it up. What ever his currency is, use it. It doesn't have to be a toy or screen time. My son is motivated by silly things like getting to dress the dog in human clothes before his walk.
    Bear is smart and he's probably figured out that in this situation getting a time out is a win. He wants to sit and not work, if he doesn't sit and work, his punishment is a time out where he gets to sit and not work.

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    I'm not sure the details of your homeschool "program"... whether that is your preferred approach, an online academy or cover school or what... Regardless, there is a lot of area between do these work sheets now and not doing school at all. Many parents spend lots of time, money, and mental energy finding the right curriculum fit for their kids and are frustrated when this differs among sibs.

    From my perspective, in Kindergarten, you need to learn to read, do math, and write. It sounds like math is an unqualified success laugh Can you do reading without phonics worksheets? My K-er never wanted to do phonics beyond starfall but is reading at 3rd grade level. If he's interested in books and will work on reading with Bob books or whatever you could just roll with that. For writing and narration I have no advice. That always seems to be like pulling teeth frown Science, history, art, etc can be done by read-alouds or projects if you can catch Bear's interest.

    Anyway, it sounds like what you are currently doing isn't working... It seems like your two options are either to seek outside help to fight a battle to continue on this path or to try a different approach. You know whats best for your child... does he need to learn to be more flexible and compliant RIGHT now or can you kick that can down the road. Either way you have already established HSing is your least worst option...

    Good Luck.

    PS Sorry if this sounded harsh... We are in the middle of deciding to pull our kindergartener to HS due to a poor social and academic fit... Our house is full of frank and honest discussions right now. So as you know, the grass isn't any greener on the other side of the fence.

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    Does he like math better or does he just like doing stuff on the computer better? Can you work the computer angle in other curriculum areas.

    Does he like EPGY better because he is judged by a computer not a human? If so can you make the other work self correcting?

    Is writing on the worksheets a block? Would he do them faster if you scribed for him? If so, you can delink writing and content and teach them separately.

    Just some ideas of possible triggers that aren't purely power struggles..

    Joined: Dec 2011
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    My son is younger than Bear but I laughed in dismay when I read your post because this is pretty much how I picture our future. My son would rather do his own thing no matter what the consequences are (strong-willed is not enough to describe my DS, it’s more like titanium). He’s also very anxious, struggles with perfectionism, and is generally non-compliant. Looking ahead at school, I suspect we’ll end up homeschooling at least for kindergarten.

    This is part of my brainstorming list for how we might survive:

    * use an online system like time4learning.com (I saw this review here) or k5learning.com or iPad apps

    * put worksheets on his iPad for him to do with a stylus pen (just saw this tutorial here)

    * worksheets in sheet protectors in a binder to be done with dry erase markers, perhaps a week’s worth available at a time, and a reward upon completion.

    * avoid worksheets altogether in the early years except for actual handwriting practice, or as part of a larger project.

    Just curious if you think Bear is an introvert or extrovert? I’m pretty sure my DS is an extrovert, so although he can do things alone, he doesn’t ever want/choose to, and I’m an introvert. I think this may be one of our biggest homeschooling obstacles, at least in the beginning.

    I hope you continue to share about your homeschooling journey with Bear.

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    Wyldkat Offline OP
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    Thank you everyone. I'll try to go through everything.

    Bear has been officially diagnosed with sensory processing disorder and anxiety. He has been tested for autism spectrum, but if there are 6 disorders a kid can have and you need 6 check marks in each to qualify he has 5 in all 6 options. There's stuff going on and it's pretty nuts, but it's not directly under one heading enough to qualify for anything in specific... Sigh... However a lot of things that work for autism spectrum kids work well with him and we just use what works.

    His counselor is working on behavior therapy. We can't pay for or access someone trained specifically in behavior therapy. That has been my wish upon a star for a couple years now.

    GinaW, good ideas! We're not really sure how much he can read, but we know he can. He's done Starfall.

    The main pitfall with the homework is that it's written because he's learning to write, hence the wanting him to do it. LOL He loves the math on the computer because it's on the computer. I'd do more on the computer, but the problem is that his program wants hand written work samples.

    We are not against unschooling and are not rabid "school at homers," but I insist on some basic structure and consistent progress of some type. He thrives on structure so I'm really not a fan of going more unschooling.

    He is not a motivatable kid sadly and will happily just wait out anything. Stubborn doesn't even come close to describing it.

    He's very definitely an introvert.

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    Wyldkat -

    My DD9, who has SPD and also is extremely anxious (not formally diagnosed but it is obvious and has a lot to do with the SPD), CAN NOT STAND WORKSHEETS. Most of it is the repetition.

    I have a very good friend who has homeschooled her two boys - one is graduating next year. She said, "Look, if they can do two math problems well, why should I make them do 10 more?" Granted Bear is fine in math but it applies to all subjects. Sometimes it is the repetition that comes with the worksheets that makes them a little nutty with us. So, I have learned to do smaller lessons where I need to and make them longer when the energy and concentration is there.

    For reading, we used Teach Your child to read in 100 easy lessons. I didn't do it following the instructions to the letter (I rarely do that with anything) but it might be worth checking out. We spent a long time on some of the ending lessons but that is the beauty of homeschooling.

    I would encourage you to go with his interests and try to work in handwriting with it if that is what you are working on. My daughter still doesn't like to write but she'll type 2 pages without thinking about it. I found a fun book that has riddles and jokes and she works on that - I make her do a little each day - it isn't a ton but it is enough to build her up and I've seen much more improvement in making her do a little well each day than a whole page of stuff that she zones out on after that first part, anyway.

    At a young age, I would do things like have her copy sentences out of a book that she enjoys (still do that every once in a while) or just simply work on her name and address until those come well. We always joke that my husband rarely writes anything except checks and signing his name.

    All this being said, I take it you have a set program which may be part of the frustration for you. I guess I'm not helping much in that case but I wanted to let you know that you are not alone. Yes, it is horribly frustrating (especially when you put out money and spend hours researching "the best" curriculum) to find out your child has no interest in a curriculum. As someone very wise has told me, "The best thing we can do for our kids is to not let them lose their love of learning."

    This is different for every child and finding that perfect motivator can take a looong time and then once you get in a groove, it all changes again (ugh!). It IS worth it, if your sanity can take it. I have found the more I relax, the more she learns, but that may not apply to all children.

    Best of luck! You can do it no matter what your path is ahead for Bear. Be patient with Bear. Be patient with yourself. Some days with SPD, we simply don't do what is planned b/c the senses are on overdrive (today, in my house). It is okay. The world won't end and learning how to deal with the SPD well can be a full-time job.

    Take deep breaths and try to smile. smile


    ~ Christine smile
    Homeschooling DD in PA
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