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    #136576 - 08/28/12 09:46 PM Re: Gifted adults [Re: Schaps]

    Truthfully, I don't even know how this post will be received. But at this point, it's an assignment my psychologist set me to doing (find an adult ADHD, Bipolar or "gifted" forum and connect with others - thus far, I can only find gifted kids forums so I'm a bit late to the ballgame it seems) here goes!

    At age six I began building an empire in my head. Only those with the highest security clearance have been allowed in since. But as many of you know, those vast empires we put together to keep the world at bay will topple at some point. For me, today, Rome is burning and I'm sifting through the ruins for the boy I was 34 years ago.

    That's the short story, anyway. I suppose what I'm asking is; "Do any such forums exist?" I haven't yet met an adult who called himself gifted without being regarded with contempt of the highest order. But thousands of milligrams of Adderall, Ritalin, Lithium and Xanax later, I've surrendered to my therapist and gone searching for me.

    Truthfully, it feels a bit like coming out of some sort of socially-mandated closet. I jumped on this thread because it mentioned "problems facing 'gifted' adults". Whatever definition gets slapped on - I don't much care. Most probably, I sound like an ***hole, I know, but my present mood (if I'm to be authentic at all) won't afford me the luxury of pretense.

    I never considered myself gifted. I considered myself different and somewhat broken. But I'm alright with that. People like the stuff I create and that seems to be enough for my mind. But my heart and mind aren't on speaking terms right now.

    Long and short; is anyone aware of any books, websites or forums where people can be real about some serious pitfalls that plague one who feels perpetually driven to create?

    Thanks for providing a place to unload. smile


    #137960 - 09/13/12 08:12 AM Re: Gifted adults [Re: Schaps]
    Momesq Offline
    Junior Member

    Registered: 09/13/12
    Posts: 3
    Hi Everyone,
    I'm the parent of a gifted adult son who is struggling with social issues. He's in the first year of an md/phd program and just can't find anyone like him in his medical school class. He is terribly lonely and sad. As gifted adults yourself can you provide any insight into how I can help him? I have sent him the link to Hoagies for a start. He needs to accept his differences but he needs advice on finding his "peeps." I will try to get him to post here but don't really expect that he will. Thanks

    #138052 - 09/13/12 09:28 PM Re: Gifted adults [Re: ]
    DebM Offline
    Junior Member

    Registered: 07/27/11
    Posts: 17
    Hi John Silver. It looks like you live in the Seattle area. Here is a therapist in the Seattle that specializes in Giftedness - Lisa Erickson, in Madison Park. I ran across her by accident a couple years ago.

    Here is a PDF available online that Lisa wrote on "Coming Out Gifted". She teaches grad students in counseling, professionally counsels gifted people, and was a president of the Washington State Counselors Association.

    [PDF] Format:
    "Coming out Gifted". By Lisa Erickson, MS, LMHC.

    Here is a long list of resources on giftedness I've bookmarked over a couple of years. The links are in no particular order other than when I bookmarked them.
    Hope this list can help you and anyone else looking for more gifted info, self-understanding and self-acceptance. Best wishes. DebM'mNotGiftedJustBusy.pdf

    #138053 - 09/13/12 09:39 PM Re: Gifted adults [Re: Schaps]
    DebM Offline
    Junior Member

    Registered: 07/27/11
    Posts: 17
    p.s. I have a Google alert for "gifted adults". Its sends me info on gifted adults when its posted online.

    #138054 - 09/13/12 10:00 PM Re: Gifted adults [Re: Momesq]
    DebM Offline
    Junior Member

    Registered: 07/27/11
    Posts: 17

    Focusing on understanding Emotional IQ and Dabrowski's Moral Development is like rocket fuel. Below are some sparks for keeping your adult gifted son's and your own spirit burning well and continuing to reach the stars.

    1. This blog has some very brief info on the importance of doctors to have compassion.
    "How Smart are Medical Doctors?" - medaholic | medaholic


    2. here is a looong online article to read after a good meal and a good nights sleep. "Dabrowski’s Theory and Existential Depression in Gifted Children and Adults" - Webb, J, Ph.D.

    "When people undergo a great trauma or other unsettling event—they have lost a job or a loved one dies, for example—their understanding of themselves or of their place in the world often disintegrates, and they temporarily "fall apart," experiencing a type of depression referred to as existential depression."

    Also, you can look over the above reply to John Silver's request for more info. It has many links with more information and support.


    #138059 - 09/14/12 05:50 AM Re: Gifted adults [Re: Momesq]
    Peter Offline

    Registered: 12/16/10
    Posts: 234

    There are many gifted adults in medical profession. Gifted with social issue (2E) such as Asperger tend to stay in science and academic/research setting. (a lot of PhDs and not many MDs) When he starts doing research, he will see some PhDs in the research field just like him. I am sure he knows he is different and he should know that he has something special to contribute to this world and people will accept for who he is.

    Please let him now that Graduate school is different than High School or Middle School. Keep open minded and the doors that he never thought existed will open for him.

    Good luck!

    #138076 - 09/14/12 07:02 AM Re: Gifted adults [Re: Dude]
    chris1234 Offline

    Registered: 06/27/08
    Posts: 1813
    Originally Posted By: Dude
    Originally Posted By: Kjj
    I actually think the ability to converse and interview can be gifts, as well. Probably most people can learn to be adequate-to-proficient at conversing/interviewing, but there are some people who have an incredible gift for it.

    I hear them and think, there's no way that's effortful study; that's a gift...

    I disagree. We live in a rich laboratory environment of language, with tons of examples of how to do it right and do it wrong. All you have to do is observe, analyze, and apply.

    I've been asked by adults for advice on how they could improve their communication skills. I give them a simple answer: read.

    Yeah, read Jane Austen....
    ``I certainly have not the talent which some people possess,'' said Darcy, ``of conversing easily with those I have never seen before. I cannot catch their tone of conversation, or appear interested in their concerns, as I often see done.''

    ``My fingers,'' said Elizabeth, ``do not move over this instrument in the masterly manner which I see so many women's do. They have not the same force or rapidity, and do not produce the same expression. But then I have always supposed it to be my own fault -- because I would not take the trouble of practising. It is not that I do not believe my fingers as capable as any other woman's of superior execution.''

    Darcy smiled, and said, ``You are perfectly right. You have employed your time much better. No one admitted to the privilege of hearing you, can think any thing wanting. We neither of us perform to strangers.''


    #138079 - 09/14/12 07:13 AM Re: Gifted adults [Re: Schaps]
    chris1234 Offline

    Registered: 06/27/08
    Posts: 1813
    Hello JonLaw, JohnSilver and others; I've just now stumbled on this post, not sure how I could POSSIBLY have missed it, but it is a great read.

    I also have many of the issues here as does my dh; not so good fit with most nd others, making odd entrances/introductory statements so that I think EVERYONE must be staring at me, finding work meetings to be downright excruciating and slow at times, and wondering why the DELETE key has to be in a different place on every laptop keyboard ever made.

    I have also had tremendous luck in finding a few rare gems in people and resources (including this forum). A new neighbor just moved in and turned out to be a fantastically smart cookie, her kids are a tremendous fun fit for our kids and even my dh has found another person he can tolerate in her husband. Very cool.

    'Tolerate' probably sounds snobby; my dh has a higher iq than I (by about 1/2 sd) and I am not sure it naturally follows he has a harder time fitting in and understanding where most other folks are coming from, but that does seem to be the case.
    Life for him without me to sort of translate...not sure it'd go so well. We are best friends, but I am sort of his window to the rest of the world. Does anyone else feel they have this role with their spouse?

    Anyway, glad to have found the thread! Will be reading more, only about 1/2 way through.

    #138080 - 09/14/12 07:16 AM Re: Gifted adults [Re: Schaps]
    Momesq Offline
    Junior Member

    Registered: 09/13/12
    Posts: 3
    Thank you everyone for your empathy and feedback. I will defiantly encourage S to read all of the suggestions, as I will myself. The link to the Existential Dpression article sounds promising as he has had a kind of loss. After being mostly miserable and lonely for all of his school years, he went to a college which valued his quirkiness, for lack of a better term. He misses being there desperately and is having a hard time adjusting to the new normal of med school. My hope is that he can accept his own gifted ness so he will be comfortable with himself and that will attract other people.

    #138085 - 09/14/12 07:57 AM Re: Gifted adults [Re: Momesq]
    Dude Offline

    Registered: 10/04/11
    Posts: 2640
    Originally Posted By: Momesq
    Hi Everyone,
    I'm the parent of a gifted adult son who is struggling with social issues. He's in the first year of an md/phd program and just can't find anyone like him in his medical school class. He is terribly lonely and sad. As gifted adults yourself can you provide any insight into how I can help him? I have sent him the link to Hoagies for a start. He needs to accept his differences but he needs advice on finding his "peeps." I will try to get him to post here but don't really expect that he will. Thanks

    I'm wondering if there might be some misplaced expectations here. When he talks about his "peeps," what does he really mean? When he looks for someone "like him", how much like him?

    I would expect to find a significant number of gifted individuals in a medical school environment. But because gifted kids are so intense in their pursuits, and led by whatever interests them, there is much more variety in the gifted community than you're likely to find elsewhere.

    Plus, gifted kids have a natural resistance to conformity, preferring to do their own thing. Other kids find "their peeps" and begin to conform to a collective set of common interests, which manifests itself in common dress, speech, music choices, etc. These collective behaviors reinforce the bond among them, and they become just like their friends in a lot of ways. This process does not happen with gifted kids... they think it's stupid.

    So, if he's walking the campus and wondering why he can't find that group that he fits perfectly with, he's not going to find it, because the people just like him don't fit with anyone, either. A group of nonconformists will naturally not conform with each other any better than they conform with any of the conformist groups. After all, if they conformed with each other, they wouldn't be nonconformists, would they? That would be a tautology.

    The answer to this dilemma is, "Don't try to find people like you. Just try to find people you like." One benefit of nonconformity is that you can find common ground with just about anyone. Share those common interests, and respect each other's differences. If he does this well, he doesn't end up with one group of friends who are his "peeps." Rather, he ends up with multiple groups of friends, some incompatible with each other, with whom he shares different kinds of experiences.

    The only person I've ever found who seems very much like me is my own daughter, so tell him that if you can't find anyone like you, you can always try to make one.

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