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    #137449 - 09/07/12 02:46 PM Happy but not trying.
    daytripper75 Offline
    Member

    Registered: 05/29/10
    Posts: 341
    DS5 just started kindergarten this week. He is supremely happy. He comes home singing and is just generally joyful. I love this.

    He brought home a letter "test" he took today. Guess who "suddenly" doesn't know all of the letters and "suddenly" can't read even though he has been reading words for over 3 years now and reading leveled readers for the past year?

    I have an appointment with the TAG coordinator at my dd's school to speak to her about ds. He is a perfectionist, a bit on the lazy side (trying to be nice), and hard of hearing. I had a feeling he was going to try to play the "I'm only 5, you can't expect me to know this stuff" card at school.

    What would you do with a situation like this. Happy child, happy doing the minimal amount of work. TAG testing for him is coming up this February. I wish I could just tell them to throw him in the TAG program so that even if he does the minimal amount, at least it is an accelerated version of the minimal amount. *sigh*

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    #137450 - 09/07/12 02:54 PM Re: Happy but not trying. [Re: daytripper75]
    mom of 1 Offline
    Member

    Registered: 11/11/11
    Posts: 58
    my kid is the "shine your light under a bushel basket" type, and keeps his skills really private. I know that for my son, a lot of it was not wanting to draw attention to himself and not trusting the adults around him related to how they might react to his skills and abilities.

    We talked to him about how if he didn't let them know everything he can do, they would give him boring work, and how if he showed them what he knows, they would give him work that was more interesting.

    A week in, your son may not trust his teacher enough to let her in to his secrets.

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    #137453 - 09/07/12 03:57 PM Re: Happy but not trying. [Re: daytripper75]
    polarbear Offline
    Member

    Registered: 09/29/11
    Posts: 3363
    I wouldn't worry about it and wouldn't say anything to anyone yet. This is the first week of kindergarten - he's getting used to a new routine, a new set of classmates, a new teacher, a whole new reality. It sounds like he's having fun - honestly, to me that's the most important thing right now, this week, this month, for a kid starting school. Working on something simple that he already knows how to do - right now - isn't going to set him back and isn't going to keep him out of TAG when he's tested in February.

    I'm also guessing that he's not the only kindergartner in his class who's reading leveled books (there were a few in each of my kids classes since so many kids go to preschool before kindy here)... and I'm also guessing that his teacher will figure out where he's at. The first week of school is just beyond crazy - and that letter work may have been a simple exercise given out by his teacher just to see where the various kids are at. Hs teacher will know a lot more about your son a few weeks in, your son will start showing more of what he knows a few weeks in once the newness of school has passed, and you'll know a lot more about how the class works etc and whether or not your ds is being challenged. It's just too early to know right now, and I'm guessing the TAG coordinator (as well as the teachers) are busy with beginning of the year work. If you do find you need to go in and talk to the TAG coordinator, it's going to be a lot easier to not sound like a helicoptering eager pushy mom if you go in with some accumulated work samples from school and home.

    Best wishes,

    polarbear

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    #137457 - 09/07/12 06:07 PM Re: Happy but not trying. [Re: daytripper75]
    daytripper75 Offline
    Member

    Registered: 05/29/10
    Posts: 341
    Believe it or not, I'm known as the laid back mother at school. LOL! I know it probably doesn't seem like it because I do a lot of behind the scenes fussing and worrying before I present any information formally. smile

    I think I am just afraid that my Mr. Lazybones is going to float on through and not try. He's a sweet boy with layer upon layer of difficulties he deals with.

    In speaking to the TAG adviser I am hoping she will give me some books to read and some advice on raising a perfectionist. She urges us to make appointments with her when we are flummoxed by our children.

    Having said all of that! I will take a chill pill and relax a bit. Yes, it is the first week of kindy and he is happy. He's a bright kid and I need to remember that it will come out and that he has an excellent teacher who is going to notice who he really is.

    I think that his reading is on average with the readers in his class. It just is hard to hear him say that he can't read at all when both he and I know full well that he can read just fine for a child his age.

    I think I am just anxious about making sure I am doing right for him as a parent. He's a great kid with some issues he is going to need to overcome in his life.

    Thanks for the help!

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    #137461 - 09/07/12 07:51 PM Re: Happy but not trying. [Re: daytripper75]
    CCN Offline
    Member

    Registered: 06/25/12
    Posts: 978
    Loc: BC, Canada
    It's hard I know. My DD(now 9) did the same thing at preschool. As soon as she realized she was the only one who could read and write, all of a sudden she forgot how. She was SLAYED and CRIPPLED by perfectionism for several years. She still is sometimes stymied by it, but she's much better. My solution was to (gently) push her out of her comfort zone, but not until grade 4. Maybe I waited too late... I don't know. All I know is that she is more relaxed now, which is nice.

    Hang in there... he'll be ok smile


    Edited by CCN (09/07/12 07:52 PM)

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    #137732 - 09/11/12 08:21 AM Re: Happy but not trying. [Re: daytripper75]
    daytripper75 Offline
    Member

    Registered: 05/29/10
    Posts: 341
    I spoke with the TAG coordinator this morning. She said that we should allow him to float along until 3rd grade as long as he is happy.
    It's going to be hard but I agree with her reasoning that this is his one chance at childhood and that he will start showing his stripes soon enough.
    I was glad to have the chance to talk to her, she is so calming and knows so much about children.
    KEEP
    CALM
    AND
    ALLOW
    MEDIOCRITY.

    wink

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    #137735 - 09/11/12 08:49 AM Re: Happy but not trying. [Re: daytripper75]
    st pauli girl Offline
    Member

    Registered: 01/29/08
    Posts: 1917
    Originally Posted By: daytripper75
    I spoke with the TAG coordinator this morning. She said that we should allow him to float along until 3rd grade as long as he is happy.
    It's going to be hard but I agree with her reasoning that this is his one chance at childhood and that he will start showing his stripes soon enough.
    I was glad to have the chance to talk to her, she is so calming and knows so much about children.
    KEEP
    CALM
    AND
    ALLOW
    MEDIOCRITY.

    wink


    I agree with the TAG teacher and others that it's OK to coast and just be happy for kindergarten, but certainly not until third. Your kiddo needs to have a chance to learn how to learn, like all the other kids. If after several months you find that your kiddo does not appear to be learning anything new (or at any time when you find that your kiddo is no longer happy to coast), I would revisit with the TAG teacher. It is great that she is so approachable.

    ETA: Note about perfectionism. I am a firm believer that perfectionists need to be given an opportunity to do things that do not come easily to them so that they can see that certain things do take time/effort/practice to achieve success. I think a lot of perfectionists will avoid trying things that they perceive to be difficult, and if they are never given the opportunity to do things at a challenging enough level, they will sink deeper into not trying new things. There are ways to give these opportunities out of school, such as piano lessons.

    Of course, just advice based on my beliefs/experience with my own kiddo. You are the expert on your kiddo and know best what will work. I just get worried if a teacher, especially a GT teacher, says it's OK to float along until third grade. But of course I do not have all the context either. smile


    Edited by st pauli girl (09/11/12 09:35 AM)

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    #137752 - 09/11/12 10:17 AM Re: Happy but not trying. [Re: daytripper75]
    1111 Offline
    Member

    Registered: 08/26/11
    Posts: 246
    DS4, currently in Kindergarten for his 4th week. So far I have just left it alone. Wanting them to get into the swing of things before I approach. Also I wanted to give them a chance to see a bit for themselves what he can do.

    Ds is happy BUT, last night he said something that makes me think I will have to do some adjustment here eventually. He expressed "Kindergarten is too easy for me. Why didn't you let me skip it?"
    I try to explain that there ARE things he will learn in class and we will get him some more advanced materials in math and reading.

    Point is, your DS is happy. He is probably just goofing off for now with pretending to not know his stuff. That will wear off. The only issue I have with just cruising until 3rd grade, and I might be wrong about this, is that everything will come so easily that once things are stepped up he will balk from not being used to any challenges. Or he will just lose the excitement to learn from not getting stimulated.
    I completely agree with St Paulie Girl on the issue of perfectionism. I see it already in my DS. This is why I am glad we have him enrolled in Kumon math. He will say things like "I like doing it, but I don't like to have to work" Meaning it provides somewhat of a challenge, which is new to him, and it bothers him that he has to put effort into it.

    Again, just my opinion.


    Edited by 1111 (09/11/12 10:19 AM)

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    #137775 - 09/11/12 12:46 PM Re: Happy but not trying. [Re: daytripper75]
    Grinity Offline
    Member

    Registered: 12/13/05
    Posts: 7207
    Loc: Connecticut
    Originally Posted By: daytripper75
    I spoke with the TAG coordinator this morning. She said that we should allow him to float along until 3rd grade as long as he is happy.

    I would expand that to 'happy and willing to take learning risks' A truly happy kid, by my personal definition, loves a learning challenge.

    She has certainly left the door open for you to return in the future, and given you her 'magic word' to speak her language.

    I like the idea of calm.

    Smiles,
    Grinity
    _________________________
    Coaching available, at SchoolSuccessSolutions.com

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    #137777 - 09/11/12 01:06 PM Re: Happy but not trying. [Re: daytripper75]
    mountainmom2011 Offline
    Member

    Registered: 01/05/12
    Posts: 404
    My dd#2 was fairly happy in kindergarten last year. She started 1st grade last month super excited. After 2 days I can best describe her feelings toward school as disappointment. I guess she just figured kindergarten was all about having fun but now that they have desks and are 'big kids' that she should be actually learning something and that school would be interesting.

    If we were to let things continue like this til 3rd grade as your TAG coordinator suggests I can only see it going downhill. From my experience that happiness is gradually disappearing.


    Edited by mountainmom2011 (09/11/12 01:06 PM)

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