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    #13743 04/14/08 08:34 AM
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    squirt Offline OP
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    I'm going to pull my hair out if I can't figure out a way to get my son to get ready for school in the mornings. I've threatened, cajoled, bribed, "stickered", scolded, given him the responsibity, called dad at work to talk to him, and everything else I know how to do. He's been to the vice-principal's office where he was told he would have to go to court if he was late. It makes my crazy to battle with him over going to school almost every morning. The answer seems obvious, right, pull him out and homeschool? It's not that easy, that's taking him away from the social setting he needs so much. Not to mention that my husband is totally, 100% opposed to it. I'm looking at other options for school but for right now, I NEED him to get up and get ready for school.

    I'm ashamed to admit it but this morning I got so frustrated with him I called his dad - he refused to talk to dad - dad suggested dumping water on him. SO I got a spray bottle of water (just water) and started spraying him with it. This went on for several minutes until we were both worn out. Don't ask me the point of it, I don't know. I told him we were leaving for school in 12 minutes and he was going with whatever clothes he had on his body - pajamas or whatever (he is also still in a pullup because he is not dry at night, no diagnosis for this just wait until he outgrows it so I really wanted him to at least take off the pullup). He finally started getting dressed but I had to keep going in and telling him how many more minutes and pushing him. It took him 12 minutes to go potty, take off his pajamas and get dressed. No breakfast, no brushing teeth, nothing other than just getting dressed. I don't know what to DO WITH HIM and I want to scream.

    I read an article from SENG that says with gifted kids sometimes you need to change yourself, not the child and to remove roadblocks to avoid this kind of situation and let them "practice getting it right". But, if he has to get ready for school, he has to get ready for school. Good article, by the way (www.sengifted.org/articles_parenting/Probst_ManagingLifeWithAChallengingChild) but HOW do you do it.

    I asked him if he hated school and he said "No, I hate getting ready for school". I just don't know what to do. I know I should be polite and apologize for venting or at least say thank you but I really don't want to and I hope that doesn't offend anybody. I'm just in tears over this. It just breaks my heart.

    Last edited by squirt; 04/14/08 08:50 AM. Reason: added last sentence
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    Does he listen and respond to other directions you give him? If getting up is his only issue then I'd implement an earlier bedtime as a result of not getting up & moving on time. Make it 15 minutes earlier each time he does not get up in the morning. This works on some of them. Bedtime can be later once he shows he's getting up and dressed in a reasonable time.

    Another alternative, could your husband get him up before he leaves for work?

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    OH Squirt! {{HUG}} We have those mornings too. The biggest change I made was setting his bedtime a little early and having him get up about 20 minutes earlier to allow for those "lag spikes" in the morning routine.

    I'm not sure if any of this will help you but they are some of the things that have made mornings bearable most days for us.

    First, make sure if you can that you are up, ready and have had that first jolt of whatever gets you moving in the morning before you try to get your son up and moving. For me it is a tall glass of ice water lol.

    Next, try to do as much as possible the night before. I pack his lunch, get out his clothes, make sure the book bag is packed and ready by the door, shoes and coat are found and ready. (Except for making the luch, these are his chores, I just make sure they are done before he goes to bed.)

    Third, We have had limited success with the sticker chart. Until we learned what motivated our son, the sticker charts didn't work. On the advice of his Psych, we let him choose his reward. Each day he was ready to catch the bus on time, he decided that 1 randomly selected pokemon card was a reasonable reward. For each week that he met the goal everyday he got to pick an extra science experiment to do on the weekend. When he met the goal 20 times (didn't have to be continuous) we went to the museum or something similar of his choice.

    What is working for me most days now is that when he is ready to go, we have some reading time together. The sooner he is ready, the more reading time we have. Seeing me sit down with a book usually gets him to moving to finish those last couple tasks.

    Of course, we do still have those mornings when I feel like I'm yelling my head off and he is still stuck in slow motion. He almost missed the bus last Thursday...

    Last edited by elh0706; 04/14/08 09:20 AM.
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    What about letting him sleep in his clothes for school? That may sound strange, but if he is wearing something relatively wrinkle free that could save some hassle.

    Also, does he get up at the last minute and then you have to rush him? If so, maybe get him up 20 to 30 minutes early and let him veg. Watch a few cartoons, look at a book, etc. Have time to wake up and get going. My kids both do so much better if they have a little time to wake up in the morning before they have to start the whole routine of getting ready to go somewhere. And if he is too tired to get up earlier, have him go to bed earlier so he can make up for the lost sleep.

    Ask him what he hates about getting ready in the morning? The rushing, the getting dressed, having to eat at a certain time, etc? Maybe you can pin point the exact problem and then you can work on a solution.

    All kids can definitely be frustrating at times. Hopefully you'll figure out exactly what is going on and find a workable solution. Good luck!!!!! smile


    Last edited by EandCmom; 04/14/08 09:23 AM. Reason: elh and I cross posted. good suggestions elh!!!
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    cym Offline
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    I love the suggestions parents have made (earlier bedtime, sleep in clothes, get ready ahead). So constructive!

    Sorry I don't have anything really to add, except the one thing that's worked as a motivator in my family is loss of privileges (specifically, TV, computer or gaming time). Monetary incentives have also had a little success, but I don't think it's appropriate for things they're expected to do (wake up).

    Good Luck, Squirt!

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    I am all for natural consequences. The bus leaves and so must he no matter how little he is ready. I say put him on the bus in his pajamas if needed and hopefully it will do the trick. I am sure he won't be happy about all the questions when he gets to school in his pajamas.


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    Loss of computer time is huge for my first grader. I can literally get him to do almost anything with this threat. I wish I had something similar for my 3.5 year old!

    We also have ALOT of lead time on our mornings. We practice piano in the morning as well. We get up at 7 to leave at 9. My son usually has at least 45 minutes to eat, sit at the table, read books, whine, etc before he needs to get dressed (I give him 15 minutes to get dressed) and practice. And honestly it still feels tight when it's time to get out the door.

    I like the bedtime shifting idea too. We may try that sometime!

    Edited to say - we also pick out and lay out clothes for the next day at bedtime. And I still help with button shirts! My poor 7 year old can't tie his shoes either. (I know I know - summer project for us). He's actually never owned tie shoes except for soccer cleats.

    Last edited by kimck; 04/14/08 10:46 AM.
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    My oldest ds had a lot of trouble with transitions. He has AS and I guess this is common to kids on the spectrum. Your daily struggles sound very familiar. We found that preparation and routine really helped a lot. We made sure that DS had his clothing all the way to socks laid out the night before. We had to go over a specific routine with him, or he'd wander about half dressed and not sure of it was time to eat breakfast or time to brush his teeth. Once he had a schedule (and I put estimated time onto it to keep him on track) he was fine. Otherwise, every morning was new and different and something he passively or actively resisted.

    I have to politely disagree about sending him to school in jammies. That is just asking for teasing and ridicule. Don't go for public embarrassment; try to support his organizational and motivational challenges.


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    Oh, one other note, we made a new rule of absolutely no screen time of any kind before school. It seemed that even if he was ready except for his coat, he just wasn't able to get moving toward the bus at the right time if he had screen time. At least he can walk to the bus stop with his nose in a book if he really can't put it down right then smile.

    Kimck, we have a similar schedule. DS gets up 1.5 hours before he needs to catch the bus and does his drum practice in the morning most days. This was a new addition to his schedule in January and has worked out pretty well.


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    Besides making sure there's a nice big chunk of time between when he gets up and when you need to leave the house, two other things I can recommend are (1) try a timer, www.timetimer.com (this timer shows the time elapsing in a very visual way), and (2) tell him he'll go to school in his pajamas if he isn't ready (and mean it). The car leaves in x minutes and that's it. With this approach, I've had dd frantic trying to get dressed while we're in car line. She has since grown out of that. Lately, sometimes it helps if I put on my coat and grab my keys and act like I'm leaving - then the tears "wait mommy!", but I get annoyed when I have to pull that act - it's not like I don't have anything else to do before I put my coat on.

    Also, if he is a visual-spatial learner, here's an article http://www.visualspatial.org/Articles/shoes.htm

    I do my fair share of yelling in the morning at the kids to get dressed, though usually I start long before we have to leave... Also, if you have more than one child (sorry, I can't remember), it can always be made a race, though I wouldn't do that every day.
    smile

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