Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Do we prepare the child for the journey

Who says you have to do just 1 thing? When I married I was working as a clerk/typist in a small library, which meant I did a lot of other things besides typing. Then I quit to farm full time with my husband, I grew up on a farm and that's what I wanted to do. The kids came along and I did some part-time work for another farmer who raised strawberries. I also started a farm market at our farm to sell produce during the summer. When they started school I worked the school hours at a greenhouse, and still did the farm market in the summer. When they were 8 & 10, I went to college, got associate degrees in Accounting and in Computer Science(in 1 year!) and got my job writing computer programs. I've been doing that for 18 years along with picking up more college classes, we switched our farm operation to raising cattle, I show cattle for fun & advertising our stock. After my day job, I dabble in writing programs for recording the cattle information. I've worked on an advisory board for the county mental health association. I'm the treasurer at our church. I've done other volunteer positions.
I earn enough money to be comfortable, and do enough different things to be happy. There's always something else that interests me and while I realize I can't do everything -- I don't have to do just one thing for the rest of my life. And the beauty of being a multi-tasker is learning things in one of my interests that benefit me in other interests.

Enjoy the journey, when you get to the destination, you're dead!

DH and I had the exact same problem you had, so we're very aware of it, too, SPG.

Our kids are only 3 and 6, so we're not yet *too* worried about this. But I expect to be a bit more directive/"pushy" about IDing my kids' special talents for them aloud than my parents were with me. And I plan to try to do more career exploration and interning with my kids, even at a young age, than my very well-meaning and generally excellent parents did for me. The sooner you can start weeding out things you don't want to do, the sooner you can start deciding what you DO want to do.

I think I'll also try to talk more about what they *enjoy* doing most and try to help them to think about those activities in terms of careers. I'm not necessarily a big believer in "doing what you love," though, as in taking a hobby and making it your career. In my personal experience, I think that can kill one's love of the hobby. Rather, I think it's important to select a career that involves duties and ideas that you care about but can do day-in and day-out for the rest of your life. That's a very different set of requirements than "do what you love."

I think of finding a career like finding a spouse: you not only need someone you love, you need someone you can live with, too!

What's your take, SPG?

OHGrandma - I'm totally there with you in thinking that you don't have to do just one thing. I worked in coffee shops and retail, worked in a hospital micro lab, helped write AIDS grants, worked for a medical research journal. Still bored, I went to law school. Law school was fun. I clerked at appellate court, edited at legal publishing co., helped someone get asylum, worked for legal info website, worked as "real lawyer." Hated being a real lawyer. I luckily got pregnant so I could worry about something else for awhile. I guess I'm still searching for what I love to do. So really, I'm writing on my own pitiful behalf, but still want to prepare my child so he doesn't end up like me! (sorry. off on tangent.)

Kriston - I like your idea of doing career explorations. I never really did that. I went to law school before I knew what lawyers really did!

I'm sorry your experience of doing what you love has turned sour. I'm still hoping that if I find something I love, I'll be set. I have to be more active like OHGrandma to actually find this though.

Here's what I do now. When DS4 is excited about something and talking about it all the time, I mention that there are people who do that for jobs, and wouldn't that be fun? So I'm just starting by planting it in his head that there are lots of fun and interesting jobs out there. I hope to teach him that if he has enough skills in whatever, he can take those skills with him (I don't think there are forever jobs anymore.)

This is a great question that I'd love an answer for! My parents always said the same thing. But then my father would mutter under his breath "as long as it pays your rent". I always felt an underlying pressure to pursue something fiscally responsible rather than perhaps following my true passions. I was a bit tortured in college choosing a major and it came down to what I was most GT in, and not necessarily what would have engaged and challenged me most. Which could possibly go all they way back to staring out the window for 8 years and underachieving (like 'neato!).

And I do agree Kriston that "doing what you love" isn't always the right path either. But there is a fine line. I would hope a career would engage you and continue to teach you for the long term. I also wonder if just not being under challenged and disengaged constantly in school is going to make a difference for these kids in helping them make some of these decisions?

I have BS degrees in math and Computer Science. And at certain points in my career this was creative, dynamic, and fun work (i.e. designing and building new web applications). At other times it has been pure mind numbing torture. Sometimes I just wish I would have taken a slightly different path. Possibly still using these skills - maybe to teach, maybe in architecture or design, etc.

Kimck - I am hoping this is it. I am hoping that if we challenge our GT kids enough, they will be drawn to what they want to do and will be enabled to do it at whatever level they want.

I'm sorry you felt the pressure to do something fiscally responsible. I think that just comes with the territory of being GT, and not necessarily with your father's "as long as it pays the rent" comments. You're just more responsible anyway. I did the same thing in the end. But as an undergrad, I started to follow my dream, but then quit when I discovered I had enough credits to graduate! (I started as a theatre major, changed to French, changed to architecture, then the school gave me loads of credit for testing into higher french, so I was outta there!)

If you all find me a person who is able to say: I found the path in life that is ALWAYS creative, dynamic, fun and totally meets my needs all the time and is NEVER, EVER, pure mindnumbing torture...........I might say that person's pants are on fire.

Rats. I really was hoping that fairy tales can come true.

Just to clarify, I ADORE writing my novel! I'm madly in love with my characters and the Norse people in general. But it wasn't a hobby at first. It was a practical project designed to keep me sane and to allow me to stay home with the kids. It's first and foremost a job I can live with.

OTOH, I studied lit because I had always loved to read. I decided to go for my Ph.D. and become a professor so that I could get paid to read. Sounds great, right? But during grad school, I read so much for work that I quickly began to shun bookstores and libraries. Books were not for fun anymore. Even now, some 10 years later, I don't read for pleasure like I used to. I enjoy books once I'm buried in them, but I'm not nearly as motivated as I used to be to open the book in the first place. I think that's sad.

Better to find a workable career that you can come to love, I think, then to risk killing a perfectly good lifelong hobby. Though I know that's contrary to much of the wisdom out there, it's my take.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Is that the job that is always creative and dynamic? "On-fire pants wearer?"

Hey! Where do I sign up for that gig!? What training do you have to get for that?