I have to laugh because I just got a stack of books from Barnes and Noble two days ago that are based on the 16 personality types! (1995, was an INFP myself...now am ENTP) I though this might help me to find a way to support my son in ways that are best for him...not what I think is best for him.

Perfectionist? Of course, but if he gets it wrong, he gives up. or doesn't try his best.

Hi Mabay.

My son is currently in 5th and like GG, this is just the sort of thing I worry about! He has had a few teachers so far that have treated him with distain (same as your son). At the young age of 7-8 in third grade, he fully realized that some adults were spiteful and manipulative. He would relay the most recent snide comments that he received from his teacher to us on a daily basis.

I don’t know how things would be for him now if we didn’t help him decompress and in many cases validate his impressions of what was said/done. We require him to keep his opinions and complaints on a “professional” level (good training) and we do the same. Ex. Her exclusion of our son during a third grade party due to failure to meet the extremely high AR reading goal (that he set for himself) was both illogical and undeserved since although he missed his own GOAL, he far exceeded the average number of points earned by others.

You stated that you do not speak poorly about teachers in your son’s presence. I wonder whether if you validated his impressions (without getting nasty of course) it would help him understand that in many cases it’s not him, but the adult that has some issues or poor judgment, ect..
-I wish my parents had done this with me. I was labeled as an underachiever beginning in junior high. My sixth grade teacher was very verbally abusive and I was a primary target. I didn’t tell my parents what she said to me for fear they would side with her. She was fired two years after I left the school.

This may be only one facet in a very complex situation, but I thought it might help.

P.S. I'm situational an I or E, but very strongly NTP!

Good Move Mabay!
((I'm also an ENTP - married to an ISFJ, LOL!))
I'll also reccomend the "parenting self-help book" Five Loe Languages of Children http://www.amazon.com/Five-Love-Languages-Children/dp/1881273652
simplistic by worth a try -

Can you son's private school try accelerating him in one subject? Have you had your son tested for IQ, talent search or Woodcack Johnson Acievement levels? Did the private school do anytesting? I'm sceptical of "social immaturity." Maturity means so many different things to so many different people. Yes I have heard that ADHD tends to go along with less maturity, but what exactly are the school's complaints? Is he hitting? Crying often? Disrupting the classroom in some way? If you kid is going to feel like a Martian socially (I did, it's not pleasant, but you learn some important lessons that way.) then he may as well be in a situation where he is challenged academically.

If you haven't read "Re-forming Gifted education" by Karen Rogers it's worth a read - just to see what all the wide variety of options are.

Hugs and Best Wishes
Trinity

Here's a link to a good website with interesting articles: http://www.mcgt.net/Articles/how_can_i_support_my_gifted_chil.html

Wow...I am moved at the lovely responses and helpful ideas you all are sending me..and anyone who reads this! First, I am an assistant principal at a public high school in the same district as my son's previous school. I have worked very hard to separate my job from my son's education. Which, I might add, has made interacting with his teachers more difficult than normal. I thought it would be the height of unprofessionalism to criticise the teachers in front of my son. He did come home from his new (private) school yesterday, and today with a completely changed countenance. Instead of hunched shoulders, downcast "I don't care" look, he was standing straight and smiling. I joked with him about the girls in his class and asked if they were pretty (he is one of three boys in a class of 18) he told me that the girls were probably a little prettier at his new school, but what makes a big difference is that they are WAY prettier on the inside! Wow. I wonder about what is happening in our culture that an entire generation of public school students in this school district has become ugly inside. Why are the private school children so much nicer? What am I going to do about this as a public school administrator? This whole thing really makes me sad.

UPDATE:
Within the first week, my son showed a marked improvement in disposition. After 2 weeks, his focus improved slightly. I enlisted the help of a counselor, who suggested behavior inventories based on these attributes: Attention, Compliance, Completion and Quality. Each teacher rates his performance and returns the form to me each week. Also suggested was filming his homework sessions so that he can see and understand how he floats off task. He is back on a low dose of medication which has helped even more with his focus. I see a light at the end of the tunnel, and through therapy, love and behavior awareness, I know that my son will be able to learn and use the tools he needs to succeed academically.

Mabay, thanks for posting the update. I have been wondering what happened with your son, and I'm so happy to hear that things are looking up for him. Kudos to you for finding solutions for him!
I bet all his life he'll remember how you stepped up and went to bat for him, changing schools and everything else you've done to get him into a better academic situation.

Times like this can be so empowering for our children. I've been aware of this in my own family recently--specifically, how the act of changing schools 3 weeks into the year for DD5 has been a positive example for my older two children, teaching them not to just "put up with" a bad situation... that it's okay to "fight" for what we believe in, and how to find alternative solutions for problems that at first may seem impossible.

So again, kudos to you!

GG

Hi Mabay,
I'm so glad to hear that your son is feeling more himself! ((big warm smile!))
There will always be some bumps in the road, but it really helps to actually be on a road, and not in a ditch! ((wink))

Love and More Love,
Trinity