Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Systematic Desensitization over summer break?

FWIW I agree with everything DeeDee wrote - so I won't restate any of it I also think it's a good thing to have the neurospych look now while your dd isn't stressed, and if problems arise during the school year, you can always ask for another visit with the neuropsych under those conditions - that way you have a set of data to compare, plus by meeting with the neuropsych before school starts you'll have a private professional who is familiar with your dd that you can ask questions of if problems come up during the school year.


Didn't you have a slightly different set of school team this time last year? Different principal maybe? Or different SPED director?

Let us know how the neuropsych appointment goes!

polarbear

Thanks. After no action for weeks we finally got some news shortly after I posted. New DSS called consultant to say that they are scheduling an IEP meeting the week before school starts. We know principal will be there (oh yippee!) and DD's excellent special ed teacher. We have no idea who else will be available. They still won't tell us what they plan but have said the purpose of the meeting is to finalize everything we didn't get through and figure out what is going to happen on the first day of school. I asked consultant if this means that suddenly classroom placement is being treated as a team decision rather than unilateral principal prerogative. He seems to think that yes, that is the case.

To say we don't trust these people farther that we can throw them is an understatement. Perhaps our rejecting the IEP, arranging the psych eval and moving up the neuropsych while they have done *nothing* is making them a bit nervous. Who knows. Now I have to steal myself for attending this meeting with this principal in attendance. Consultant says that new DSS is "on our side" but basically has her hands tied. Who knows...

Yes polarbear we had a different team last year. Since DD was in an out of district placement everything was handled by central office. Our IEP team was made up of the district's director of special ed and head school psychologist. DSS - who later became such an ally before he left the district - sat in for a bit too. These were the people who forced principal's hand and got her to place DD in the good classroom last year.

We are leaving on a 2 week vacation and just want to enjoy happy summer DD while we can. Almost as soon as we get back we will start the psych eval process and do the neuropsych. I assume that will be the beginning of the end for happy summer DD...

I will, of course, keep you posted!

I would way rather do it this way than go in cold on day one, and it's surely better for your DD. This is good news.


EXCELLENT.


Don't think too much about what's going on inside their heads. Assume for the sake of argument that it is changeable, even though that has not always been revealed in the past. We have seen people who looked like enemies in these meetings turn out to become allies once pressure from above or aside was removed.

You need not trust them in order to sit in a room and have a conversation with them. Put on your imaginary armor if you need it (but they are not going to be carrying swords anyhow). You will need to be firm in your purpose, but not antagonistic; this attitude is almost impossible to maintain, but use all the Zen at your disposal. Remember, YOU are the reasonable one in this relationship, and that has to remain on display.

Keep a written list in front of you of "the things we need" and "the things we want" so you don't forget to address anything, but have them prioritized and know what you'd give up in order to get the core stuff.

If you can bring Awesome New Psych to the meeting, do.


You never know. We almost pulled DS out of school, the end of 2nd grade was literally so abusive. But 3rd grade was a huge healing year. If they are willing to set that up so that it happens, it is possible.

Hang in there,
DeeDee

The best system that I have seen was one where they had to "walk their dog." If the dog walked, it was a warning, a second walk they lost five minutes of playtime. We have been in school systems with the color, and pulling crayons and I can stay they were not great systems. The teacher who had the walk the dog used a "snoopy," and the kids loved it. She also had "G..(her name) bucks." If the child did not have to walk the dog they earned 2 G Bucks. At the end of the week, they spent them in her G store, where they purchased little prizes. It was a great system and fun. She had 27 kids and no behavior issues. My HG DS never responded well to the crayon system.

OMG - we *may* actually be making some progress...

I just got a call from new DSS. While we were away on vacation our consultant kept working on our behalf and has become convinced that new DSS is committed to trying to create a situation that will work for DD. I of course remained skeptical but after our conversation I am now a bit more optimistic.

She assured me there will be no color chart in DD's classroom "on Day 1". The principal's big concession in the process had been to allow for *2 weeks* without a color chart before she insisted on adding one so I made clear to new DSS that we would NEVER agree to DD being placed in a classroom that was designed to intentionally trigger her anxiety. I referred to it as "creating a hostile environment". When I pressed her on this she seemed to imply that no they would NOT be trying to add a color chart. I'm not sure I believe it but at least we know DD will be able to start the year this way. New DSS said that they will have to figure out how the teacher will manage the classroom instead. I gave her my mini lecture about thousands upon thousands of classrooms being effectively managed without color charts, how it is a discredited system and that all the better districts in the state have moved to positive behavior management systems like responsive classroom, PBIS etc. She said that she doesn't think she is in a position to convince the district of the need to change their philosophy about classroom management but I think at least it is now on the radar.

We had a long conversation about how this principal has single handedly turned this incredibly cooperative relationship into an intensely antagonistic, hostile one. I reviewed the pattern of her behavior - from the hat incident in February (discussed on another thread), to the IEP violation in March, to her being marginalized by the previous DSS and that her first act when he announced his departure was insisting that DD's classroom placement would include her biggest anxiety trigger.

I told her that we refrained from filing a complaint with the Dept of Education over the IEP violation because the former DSS intervened and effectively marginalized the principal. If the district is unable or unwilling to keep the principal marginalized now that former DSS is gone we will have no choice but to pursue complaints if the principal continues to antagonize DD. I said that I can not believe it is in the district's best interest to have a situation where they are constantly having to respond to complaints. She agreed but also said that she doesn't know if she is in a position to contain the principal herself. She would bring in the new director of pupil personnel services and asst superintendent if needed, though. I *think* she understands that this will be essential and that we have no choice but to do whatever we have to in order to protect DD if this principal continues to target her.

New DSS is absolutely crazy about the psych that we found. She wanted to know how we found someone so amazing. I explained that she is dealing with parents who do our research - we have a history of identifying issues long before the "experts" pick up on them and if we say that we have found the right professional you can take it to the bank. She was quiet but I assume was understanding that what I am reporting about the principal's behavior (and how she has managed to manipulate various people at central office about these various events) has more credibility than she would have liked to believe.

So like I said we *may* actually have made some progress. At least I know DD can go to school the first day without a color chart immediately triggering her anxiety. Also the principal's outrageous conduct should at least be on the district's radar. New DSS said during our conversation that the principal "made a decision that completely contradicted everything that had been agreed to previously" so I think she gets it. At least I hope she does...

Next week DD starts with the psych and has her neuropsych eval. I have been cherishing every moment with "happy summer DD" and am hoping against hope that we can keep her around once all the evaluations start. Even better if we can keep her around once school starts. It's hard to imagine that happening but I am holding onto my hope...

Will keep you posted.

Sounds hopeful! Keep giving the updates I am very interested and following along!

Neuropsych eval today. Verbal IQ even higher than original testing. 99.9+ th but don't have the actual number yet. Confirmed weakness in working memory and processing speed but they didn't test as low as original test. He gave her NVLD, ADHD-Inattentive and anxiety. District has asked hIm to come (at their expense) to explain findings. Our new psych also plans to come. All seem to agree now that prIncipal's plan was totally inappropriate. I am starting to feel better. Work on color chart should be done in therapeutic setting not forced on her in a classroom. Hoping she can have a good year afterall.

That is wonderful news!

Go Pemberley Go! You are doing a great job of bringing together the dream team of advocates, next to whom the principal is starting to look small and silly. Their advice is going to be a lodestar for you. Well done.

DeeDee

Good job! You've hung in a situation that looked hopeless at times and now the ducks are in a row. Let's hope it works out without any more road blocks and that your dd thrives this year. If nothing else, you have them on their toes and you've brought in reinforcements so you are stronger than a parent now. You are a parent with clout. Way to go.
Keep it up. And then look for opportunities to relax and trust in what is trustworthy in the school as you all begin to heal from this while keeping on top of it.