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    #131458 - 06/07/12 06:55 AM Re: Gifted adults [Re: Schaps]
    Kjj Offline
    Junior Member

    Registered: 05/22/12
    Posts: 21
    I would say that the one problem I've been really been challenged with is that I have trouble delegating, because I don't think other people can do a job as well as I can.

    However, also being smart, I've learned to recognize that that's ok. That the job or task doesn't have to be perfect to be acceptable.

    The rest of the stuff that life flings at me; well, if I'm not smart enough to figure out how to deal with it effectively, that's on me.

    Not my school, my parents, my friends, my spouse, my kids, or society at large.

    One of the most annoying things about talking to some smart people is that they have no tenacity and no patience.

    How can you know what I'm going to say? (and if you always interrupt me, you'll never know for sure, will you?). You derail thought processes and take the joy of storytelling away from the person you do this to.

    I've watched people interrupt and change discussions this way, and the person being interrupted always feels as if something has been stolen from them, that it's been hijacked somehow. The end result is sometimes that the talker chooses to find someone who is a good listener next time, rather than someone who constantly "improves" upon their thoughts.

    I don't care if you "know" what the end of my story is, shut up and listen and be present.

    Gifted people call some challenges "stupid" and "boring" and give up on them after having defined them as having no use. And when they do meet an actual challenge, they sour-grape it and reduce it to being an exterior pressure that caused them to fail, rather than an internal weakness. Because, after all, they're gifted, right? It can't be them. Being sucky at something is only for regular people.

    People who are truly excellent in their field rarely display arrogance-in fact, many times I'm surprised by how humble they are and how they downplay what are often incredible achievements. I believe arrogance actually stems from insecurity, and the need to tell people how great you are, rather than just do your thing and be good at it and let the accolades happen (or not happen, as sometimes is the case).

    Gifted people seem to have switched their interior and exterior lives around-they obsess and have anxiety constantly over what's going on in their head or over events they have no control over (internalizing what should be external-i.e. giving up the illusion of control), and then they reject external connections, like people having conversations with them that they're already finishing in their head or becoming bored with.

    I think if you're smart enough, you'll find a way to connect with the person talking. It doesn't matter how smart they are; it's about making them feel like you get what they're saying and that what they have to say is important. When we talk with very small children (who obviously don't have the mental capacity of an adult), most of us are engaged and interested in what that child has to say. It's not a content issue; it's a connection issue.

    That's why a lot of regular people don't like smart people-they have the ability to pick up on the fact that you don't think much of them or what they have to say (and it's expressed by interrupting or correcting), and life's too short to deal with people who have so little regard for others. It's not because you're so smart, it's because you're not working very hard to connect with them.

    Now, here's the thing-if you find no value in speaking to others, and you don't want to work on becoming good at it, that's fine, but don't blame the regulars. It's your own failing.

    I know I'm likely to make a bunch of you very angry, but that's one of my shortcomings as a gifted adult. wink

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    #131480 - 06/07/12 09:34 AM (NA) Re: Gifted adults [Re: Schaps]
    Mark D. Offline
    Member

    Registered: 12/31/69
    Posts: 271
    Hi everyone -

    I deleted a few posts on this thread, not necessarily because they were all bad, but because they veer off the topic of this thread. Please use the private messaging feature of this forum if engaging in a one-on-one debate or conversation.

    Thank you,
    Mark

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    #131504 - 06/07/12 11:40 AM Re: Gifted adults [Re: Kjj]
    Val Offline
    Member

    Registered: 09/01/07
    Posts: 3290
    Loc: California
    Originally Posted By: Kjj
    That's why a lot of regular people don't like smart people-they have the ability to pick up on the fact that you don't think much of them or what they have to say (and it's expressed by interrupting or correcting), and life's too short to deal with people who have so little regard for others. It's not because you're so smart, it's because you're not working very hard to connect with them.


    I know I'm likely to make a bunch of you very angry, but that's one of my shortcomings as a gifted adult. wink


    Hi Kjj,

    Welcome to the forum! You didn't make me angry. But you did summarize what I'll call a "giftie issue" very nicely.

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    #131510 - 06/07/12 12:48 PM Re: (NA) Re: Gifted adults [Re: annette]
    Kjj Offline
    Junior Member

    Registered: 05/22/12
    Posts: 21
    "I think you have confused the topic of this thread. It's not "problems I have with gifted adults", but "problems I have as a gifted adult". "

    Touche!

    I apologize-I have a tendency towards hormone-fueled rants and short fuses. Way to make an entrance, I've been thinking to myself all day.

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    #131515 - 06/07/12 01:24 PM Re: (NA) Re: Gifted adults [Re: Kjj]
    La Texican Offline
    Member

    Registered: 07/10/10
    Posts: 1777
    Loc: South Texas
    Originally Posted By: Kjj
    . Way to make an entrance, I've been thinking to myself all day.
    ha ! "She blew in on a Stormy wind...| •. ♩# *♩♩"
    _________________________
    Youth lives by personality, age lives by calculation. -- Aristotle on a calendar

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    #131518 - 06/07/12 01:42 PM Re: (NA) Re: Gifted adults [Re: Schaps]
    La Texican Offline
    Member

    Registered: 07/10/10
    Posts: 1777
    Loc: South Texas
    I just wanted to share the found phrase "gifted ex-child".   Because it's cool!

    Originally Posted By: Link
    .These gifted children have disappeared into the vast territory of adulthood. Have they disappeared in the same way prodigies do? No matter how powerful the adult talent of a grownup child prodigy, he is no longer a prodigy, because the term is linked not solely to ability, but also to age. The adult, even if continuing to excel in his earlier domain, is forever an ex-prodigy. Does the gifted child, grown up, similarly become an ex-gifted child? Having left childhood and school behind, has she also left behind the differences that were recognized in the "gifted" label? Or could she more accurately be described as a gifted ex-child?  
     http://www.stephanietolan.com/gifted_ex-child.htm 

    Neat sounding phrase, "gifted ex-child".  This quote might be blurring "gifted" from "prococious" however this article makes it clear that they're not limiting "gifted" to the need for "gifted services" or "achievement" but saying that giftedness affects more than these visible effects of giftedness.  




    also from the article:
    The gifted frequently take their own capacities for granted, believing that it is people with different abilities who are the really bright ones (Alvarado, 1989; Tolan, 1992). 
    The author of that article really put some thought and effort into it.
    _________________________
    Youth lives by personality, age lives by calculation. -- Aristotle on a calendar

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    #131520 - 06/07/12 01:55 PM Re: (NA) Re: Gifted adults [Re: Schaps]
    La Texican Offline
    Member

    Registered: 07/10/10
    Posts: 1777
    Loc: South Texas
    Originally Posted By: Kjj


    I apologize-I have a tendency towards hormone-fueled rants and short fuses. Way to make an entrance, I've been thinking to myself all day.  


    Wait?! "hormone fueled", not "coffee fueled"... I think I know what that means.  :)
    _________________________
    Youth lives by personality, age lives by calculation. -- Aristotle on a calendar

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    #131526 - 06/07/12 02:54 PM Re: (NA) Re: Gifted adults [Re: Kjj]
    Rocky Offline
    Junior Member

    Registered: 12/21/10
    Posts: 37
    KJJ, I think you have a very good point.

    One thing I love about my DH is his ability and willingness to converse with people on topics that are important to the person. He actually has more patience in social settings for inane topics, then I do. I work with people from many walks of life in my work. Conversational and interview skills are just that skills that you develop. If you can't or just lack the interest, well that isn't the other persons fault. The feeling that you don't fit is another story.

    One thing that drives me crazy about DH is his taking the Devil's advocate position, when what I want to know what he thinks or feels, Argh!!! Perhaps, this is what people are trying to tell you. They want a real conversation about what you think and what is important to you. Not to listen to you argue the case for something you don't believe. It comes off as disingenuous, unempathetic, condescending, and arrogant, even if it isn't meant that way. This doesn't mean that I don't appreciate a good discussion or that I am not entertained by an appropriate debate. rant off.

    As an adult I find that the best indicator for fit for close acquaintances is actually processing speed (and interests, I love power tools!). I appreciate quickness. My few close friends are gifted. DH is PG, but his processing speed is slow. At work about half of my unit is gifted, but the best person to work with is bright with the ability and determination to get things done. He is tops in my book.

    The biggest challenge for me is not necessarily gifted, but related to processing speeds. I sometimes hold three or four conversations/topics in my head during a conversation because the spoken word is sooooooo slooooow. I thought I had ADD. The best part though is I am highly visual spatial with killer visual processing, so I kick all of my son's friends you know what's at video games. There is a silver lining to everything:)

    Rocky


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    #131536 - 06/07/12 04:31 PM Re: (NA) Re: Gifted adults [Re: Rocky]
    Val Offline
    Member

    Registered: 09/01/07
    Posts: 3290
    Loc: California
    Annette,

    I'm probably going to get myself in trouble here, but will try one more time to explain some of the comments about the devil's advocate position.

    As I said, I NEVER questioned the validity of how or what you think. I said that the way you express yourself may not be ideal. Personally, I think it's great to see that there can be truths on different sides of an issue.

    The thing is, if you argue a position with any level of passion, people will assume you're committed to it and believe in it. Why else would you speak in its favor? YOU may know that you're just trying to understand something better, but no one else can possibly know this for sure UNLESS YOU TELL THEM. This is what many people here have said, including me.

    No one can read your mind. But if you argue opposing sides of an issue or pick an absurd position (the thing about trees being orange springs to mind), people WILL start to think that you're just playing with them and that you don't respect them. I'm NOT saying that this is how you feel, but what others may infer.

    Everyone holds conflicting opinions. It's part of being human. The trick in a conversation or debate, for me at least, is to tell others something like, "I can see valid points on different sides of this issue, and I'm trying to understand it better." This just lets others know where I'm coming from.


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    #131539 - 06/07/12 05:28 PM Re: (NA) Re: Gifted adults [Re: Schaps]
    La Texican Offline
    Member

    Registered: 07/10/10
    Posts: 1777
    Loc: South Texas
    Leon Festinger  is perhaps best known for the Theory of Cognitive Dissonance, which suggests that when people are induced to behave in ways that are inconsistent with their beliefs, an uncomfortable psychological tension is aroused. This tension will lead people to change their beliefs to fit their actual behavior, rather than the other way around, as popular wisdom may suggest. -wiki

    I love what Chris Rock said in the movie "Dogma", "don't have beliefs, people die for them.  People kill for them.   I think it's better to have ideas. You can change an idea, changing a belief is trickier. "

    I have a friend that thinks that particular Leon Festinger observation is hilarious because, he says, it's true.  There are gifted adults with deeply held beliefs.  It doesn't make one less gifted to align your observations with your beliefs.  I don't have beliefs, I have ideas. There's room for all types.

    The second half of that Chris Rock movie quote is, "Life should be malleable and progressive; working from idea to idea permits that. Beliefs anchor you to certain points and limit growth; new ideas can't generate. Life becomes stagnant."

    That sounds reasonable from "life being malleable" to "permits that", but wrong about the second part "beliefs ... limit... new ideas".   Because (see Leon Festinger above).  People with beliefs will rework them whenever there's cognitive dissonance between their beliefs and their behavior.  

    Annette, I hope I don't make you feel lonely by answering your post.
    AFAIK I'm not agreeing or disagreeing, just joining the conversation about beliefs, opinions, and cognitive dissonance.
    _________________________
    Youth lives by personality, age lives by calculation. -- Aristotle on a calendar

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