Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Why did you choose NOT to accelerate?

Has anyone out there gotten the go-ahead or recommendation for their child to do a full grade acceleration, but opted NOT to accelerate? If so, I'd be interested to hear your reasons why... and also if it was the right decision in retrospect.

Thanks
Ultralight Hiker

As I've mentioned in other places, my school proposed to accelerate me by a full year more than once, and my mom turned it down each time. Her reasons:

- I was already the youngest in my class (birthday literally the day before school started).
- I was one of the smallest in the class.
- Family history of boys blooming late.
- And most importantly, I was a boy.

Basically, it was lack of dating opportunities later, and dealing with bullies throughout.

Our (neighborhood public) school put full grade acceleration on the table for our dd at some point, and we passed it up. Reasons:

- being a twin complicates the decision. Skip only one? Skip both?
- maturity level was not advanced
- one year grade acceleration wouldn't have solved the academic mismatch problem
- more time before college to explore other interests
- more time for us parents to spend with kiddos before they go off to college

Back in the day, I went to an uber-elite private college. I knew a number of 14/15/16 year olds as class/dormmates there, and felt their experiences were not optimal. The kids I knew who were closer to the average age of their classmates but had a head start on the curriculum seemed to fare better on average.

I turned one down myself during middle school I wanted to be with my friends and didn't want to feel weird. I turned down going to Jr. College early in HS after we moved to a school with fewer options because I wanted to meet kids in the town where I lived and do band. My mom let me turn these things down. My last two years of high school at the new school were a joke, mostly independent study that was very haphazard and had me doing book reports or working as a tutor. Now, I sort of wish she would have pushed me. First couple years of college would have been not so shocking and maybe I would have learned to study instead of flying by the seat of my pants.

DD11 started early K at a private school at their recommendation, when we switched to public we put her back with agemates because she is little. We gave her no choice, she didn't know we had one. DH thought she was just a little bright despite recommendations from the private school and others. We could have entered her above grade with no questions in fact the school was confused as to why we didn't. I regret it somewhat as she was re-accelerated in Math and probably would have been fine either way. We probably made it more difficult on the school. She is very social and likes her friends but I don't see much challenge even in the accelerated math (except to check her work which is good as well). She will be in a good place in MS next year because we have an awesome program. Elementary school was very slow paced.

DD7 started early K at a private school. We kept her there a year longer and my intention right now is to keep her ahead. It's also what she wants at this point so at least we agree. After my experiences and watching DD11 blossom in the faster paced math class this year, I've done an about face . (I know that's not what you asked JMHO)...

I was in a mixed 2nd & 3rd grade class when the team decided not to grade skip me back in the 1970s. I suspect that my small size and poor motor coordination were factors in that decision. For years, I had it stuck in my head that they did not skip me because I could not catch a ball. I still can't. I have structured my life in such a way to avoid projectiles of any kind!

As a result, I got through school with abysmal work habits and almost no social life. My social life blossomed--and my GPA tanked--when I was in college, where I envied the kid who got to go at the age of 15. He dated several of our classmates--he's been married to one of them for about 20 years--and went on to get a PhD from Yale about the time most of his agemates were graduating from college.

The reality is, I chose not to accelerate my middle DD because of all the "brain washing" my retired educator mother did when she chose not to accelerate me.

I regret my decision not to accelerate her almost daily. Teachers in K and 2nd recommended acceleration, and we did not because she was one of the youngest in the class already, and (I hate to admit) based on the feelings of our older DD who has higher verbal scores, is 2E, and not a good fit for acceleration. We now know middle DD would have done well with acceleration since she was in 3/4 combination in 3rd and 4/5 combination in 4th doing the upper grade's work both years. In 5th, the school system refused to even discuss acceleration to 6th.

When I was a second grader, I was subject-accelerated in math. For the next year, the school suggested I skip third. My parents let me choose, and I turned down the skip entirely because 3rd was the year you learned cursive. (It's not clear to me whether anyone asked me why I didn't want to skip; they didn't offer to hothouse cursive over the summer as a solution to my objection, in any case.)

IMHO, it was a bad decision. I never had any challenging work until I got to high school, and got involved with competitive extracurriculars. And when I got to college, I intentionally avoided classes where I'd have to struggle to understand the material.

I sometimes doubt our decision to skip DD8, but based entirely on anxiety about problems that might arise later on. For where she is right now, it was clearly, clearly the right choice.

The Iowa Acceleration scales recommends acceleration for our DS6.
Right now we are leaning against it.

DS6 is the youngest in his class, quite well adjusted, 2 years accelerated in math and in a decent 'pull out' group for reading.

I guess we are swayed by the argument that "if he's not miserable, don't mess with it". Perhaps this is short-sighted.

Depending on how you're school is set up, you may want to think ahead about schedule challenges with subject acceleration. With DD11, this proved to be the biggest challenge. With her personality, she really likes to be part of the class vs independent study. The school recognized this more than I did and found a way. When the classes aren't available in the building (ie elementary vs MS), all concerned may need to think out of the box. With a 2 yr acceleration it will be an issue for longer. We are counting the days until MS when they will offer classes through Geometry at the same building!

Accelerating or not is a really tough question. On the one hand, skipping one or more grades can help meet a HG+ student's academic needs. Two skips have been wonderful in that regard for my eldest. He would be going nuts in 6th grade.

But there's also reality of him being a lot younger than everyone else (IMO, one grade skip doesn't necessarily create this problem, but two or more does). My eldest turned 12 not long ago and is in a class of 14-year-olds who are very different from him physically and emotionally. He's athletic and can basically keep up in PE, but it's still a real issue, anyway. The other kids have been maturing for while in a way that's just starting with him. This is important, and he's even commented on it. We won't encourage him to start college at 16. He can study abroad for a year or something, and is currently liking that idea.

I think that these factors need to be considered before doing a second skip. Things change after elementary school. Age 8 with a class of kids aged 10 or 11 is very different from age 12 with kids aged 14 or 15.

My daughter skipped K and is in 3rd grade. She also has a birthday the day before her school starts (it's actually after most schools around here start). So she's solidly 7 and her friends are turning 9. We probably won't look at a second skip for her, even though she could easily handle it academically.

That said, she would definitely have been unhappy without one skip. She was very enthusiastic about the idea when it happened and is still happy about it. So this is a sign, to me, that it was a good decision. Right now, she's happy with her friends and is in a school that groups by ability. The curriculum also isn't as superficial as the one at our local public schools, which helps.

Skipping or not is a really tough decision, and the optimal outcomes often apply only to parts of a skip. My eldest was happy until he had to change schools when his last one moved out of commuting range and changed its focus. But it was a small school aimed at gifted kids, so he fit in better there than he does at the current school. Now he's unhappy because 1) he's not learning much and 2) the kids are so different from him.

I think our education system is basically lousy for gifted kids. That's the real problem. We're all just trying to cope with it as best we can.