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I am so hoping that this is the case for my dd who we are looking at skipping from 6th to 7th. Unless I am confused, (but am too lazy to go back and check) I think our dds had sort of similar profiles. Glad to hear it went well for her!

And this highlights why girls and boys have to be evaluated according to different standards, because being 18 months younger generally means the bolded things don't happen to boys.

And when it does, boyo, does it cause parents to worry! (parents of girls also are generally not too pleased once the gap grows even bigger, 3 years isn't that uncommon.) But again, you have to ask yourself
1) was this kid going to be the local M.O.K. (as my dad would say) if he stayed with agepeers?
2) how important is this to your family? We came to the conclusion that academics and social were equally important to our family - which generally meant we 'took turns' with a great social year followed by a great academic year until we finally found a place that was great all around.

It seems to me that with the current local dating customs around here, there is a flurry of 'dating' in later middle school, and then not so much through out the rest of high school for most kids.

((shrugs))
Grinity

I think how the child is doing in his current grade is a factor as well. I have a DS6 who was skipped to second grade this school year. He is the size of most kids in Kindergarten. He fit in much better this year than he did last year. He has loads of friends, and we have not had any issues since the first few weeks of school. A few girls in his class were mean to him. They worked out their issues early on, and there is no doubt we made the correct decision.

I can attest to this in that dd13 has had 16-17 y/o boys interested in her and that type of an age gap is not comfortable or allowable here.

What is a M.O.K.?

Wolf is now average to below average height for his age. He was in the 95% when he was younger. Height can vary dramatically from year to year. Height didn't even come into our decision about early entrance for him, however he also will probably never be in a "regular" same-age (or even close) class.

The big thing for us was would he be happy. He would have been bored to tears without it and might have become a discipline problem. He is a social butterfly with no trouble making friends or fitting in if he doesn't steamroller the kids with whatever is on his mind at the time. If we couldn't have differentiated his school work to the dramatic point we have then I would have wanted a double skip for him at least. The problem is that we aren't dealing with a regular classroom situation so we aren't dealing with that strict pecking order hierarchy. I'm not totally certain what I would do in that case, one skip for sure, but probably not more, fight to find balance somehow.

Bear, on the other hand, is not good socially and has behavior and developmental issues. Although he is more than bright enough to academically do well with a skip, emotionally and socially he is actually behind. Pretty much no matter what school situation he ends up going into a skip will be really far down our list of considerations.

I wasn't skipped due to the social girl reasons. I would probably have been better off all around with a skip. An acquaintance of mine was skipped and was miserable with it. It's totally up to the individual kid.

I guess for us we decided that any decision we make is not a permanent one, and pretty much any desicion we could make in our public school setting would not be perfect. My son was "fine" with his school situation because he is a very social person but in the 2 years he'd been in school I saw huge changes in him.. I was already seeing him get lazy about anything "work" related because it was so boring and he became less mature rather than more mature. For these reasons we decided giving him the nudge to grade skip was a good idea even though he was apprehensive about leaving his "friends" (who he never interacted with outside of school and mostly just bossed around). After the first day of his skip he was asking to go back and after only 2 weeks I have seen the old him returning. He is so happy, loves the work (which is still easy but a closer match), and is acting more mature... My gut feeling was that this is where he belonged and so far it's been nothing but amazing. Our public schools do not have good options for differentiation. Everything is focused on standardized testing so anything he did at his level would be extra work on top of being in a boring school situation at least for the next 4 years. I wasn't about to waste 4 years of my child's life sitting in a classroom learning how to deal with being bored. I like to think that I am raising my kids to be independent and adaptable so although I know this is the right choice now, I also know it may change later. If he finds his social situation too difficult as he gets older, we will address that when it happens and adjust, whether it means pulling him out for a year or moving to a new school district or whatever... You really have to look at your sons personality individually. Since your son is much older than mine, I think you can also weigh his feelings more heavily, although ultimately my opinion is that what most of us are striving for here are kids that will learn the necessary skills to be successful and happy in life with their abilities and it's our job as the parents to make the final decisions on what will help them do that the best. Definitely talk to him about it and think about whether you feel he is missing something valuable by not skipping. I know my son was missing out by being held back, at least at this point in his life. All of the things in that article "What a Child Does not Learn" are important to me and my family and my child was definitely not learning those skills. Good luck!

Thank you all so much for you thoughts. We have many more things to consider regarding a skip now. I am concerned about the social piece as he gets older, and I do know it's our responsibility to help him find the balance he's looking for.

OP, I seldom post on this topic because it's extremely emotional for me. In fact, I purposefully did not read other posts in the thread and am responding only to you - because you asked for thoughts on grade-skipping a smaller-sized, high-IQ boy.

Based on experience with our own grade-skipped DS (now 12 & in the 5-10th % for height), I will tell you what I wish someone would have told me before we allowed DS to be skipped from K to 1st:

Before skipping your DS, visit the middle school, walk the halls during passing periods and watch the boys. Pay attention to the details and interactions. Talk with the gym teacher and coaches. Find out everything you can about P.E & the boys' locker rooms. If your DS will be required to wear a gym uniform, ask what's the smallest size available. Talk with the lunchroom staff. Talk with the custodians (who clean the boys' bathrooms). Seriously. Talk to anyone & everyone about how the social interactions of the day go, what after-school activities are offered, and how after-school events are handled. Find out about mixers, clubs and sports. (Even if you can't imagine your DS wanting to be part of mixers, clubs or sports.) Observe the boys. Seek out parents of boys. Talk to them, in-depth, about the challenges boys face in middle school, both academically and socially.

Talk with the middle school teachers. Find out how "organized" they expect the students to be. What are the expectations for note-taking, projects, group projects and term papers? In our experience, middle school places strong emphasis on organizational skills - even more so than actual academics - and some high IQ kids, espc boys, can be "nutty professor" types. How understanding will the teachers be regarding a student on the younger side who is still learning key organizational skills?

If your DS has aspirations for student leadership, find out how elections are run. Are some positions appointed or is all student leadership determined by popular vote? Think about what you are told.


If your middle school posts "daily announcements" online, read them. Read those announcements for at least 2 months before you move DS.


Find out about the use of social media among middle schoolers. Read articles, blogs, and talk to parents, teachers & administrators. Understand the role that social media will play in the school day - even if your DS is not on Facebook & never will be in middle school.


Learn about texting and "sexting," even if you have no intention of giving your DS a phone in middle school.

Listen to the music that's popular among the middle school set. Note the words. Watch the popular shows on TV, videos on YouTube, whatever. Even if your DS will never be exposed to this at home, find out what is popular and dissect it. Watch how young men are depicted in popular culture. Understand the world that your much younger, much smaller boy will enter.

If you have trusted friends with middle school boys, ask the parents if you may talk with these boys about school, friends and after-school life. Then ask questions and listen to what these boys tell you. Listen hard.

Then, if you are still undecided, go to your feeder high school. Repeat the steps above. Do not walk away until you understand what high school life is like in today's world, especially for boys/young men, regardless of their particular IQs.

And talk to your pediatrician.

We grade-skipped our DS in Kindy, at the school's strong recommendation - but we did go along with it, so we are ultimately accountable. It was not uncommon for 1-2 kiddos to be skipped each year at our school, at that time. I honestly do not know a single one of these kids who has done well socially - and some have not thrived academically, either. Many are in HS now. One graduated last year - at age 16 - and is going to her "safety" college, not having been accepted anywhere else. The grade-skipping days at our elementary are basically over, given what has happened to some of the older kids.


In our case, DS went from being the most popular student in 1st grade (the "pet") to a boy with almost no friends in 5th (the "outcast). When our older DS went to middle school, he came home after 2 weeks and pulled DH & me aside, telling us that he could not imagine his younger brother going to middle school at such a young age. He told me what I already knew in my heart, but did not want to accept.

In the end, we realigned DS with his same-age classmates before he hit middle school. Yes, he repeated 5th grade. He bears some emotional scars, I'm sure, but he is doing incredibly well at school, on above-level tests, and much better in the "friendship" category. He is class president, too. He is happy again & dreams of doing all the things his high school brother does - and now he has a real chance at some of those things. Not all are academic.

Your friend who won't subject his own boys to what he endured as a child has good reasons for what he's doing. IMO, if the school doesn't make gym clothes that fit your DS, that may be a metaphor for other things.


My heart goes out to you, whatever you decide. Best of luck in your journey.

I think that Jewel brings up some valid points. However, IMO most of them seem to point more towards homeschooling as a solution rather than keeping a kid in a grade where they are not challenged at all. Most of those issues would still be issues for a kid in the 5th% with his same age peers. I just don't see how not skipping is going to address bullying, sexting, popular culture etc. And believe me I have put plenty of thought into all of this stuff. I get that it is very different for boys than girls, but I think every kid and family is also different. To Jewel, I am glad your family found a solution for your son. And I actually think your advice is right on for all parents, whether a skip is being considered or not.