Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional All the other stories sucked.

Had to laugh at these, just last week DS8 came home with a math enrichment paper he was supposed to "Explain how you know your answer is right" he wrote "Because I'm really good at math and I double checked"! Apparently, this was not the answer the teacher was looking for!

Regarding the OP's situation, part of me feels like the teacher should not ask a question if she doesn't want the answer. She asked him which one he liked best and why and he answered her question honestly. You get what you ask for! But as a parent, I would also have the talk about the appropriate vocabulary.

DS8 also has issues with bluntness ( I do not think Asberger's is a concern). To me, it seems like he is so focused on something being correct (this is REALLY what I think) that he misses how it might be interpreted by another person, even though he is generally pretty empathetic.

Yep. I hear you.

We *try* to frame these things in an explanatory or informative way, as in "oh, you probably didn't know this yet, but when you do X other people think Y. If you do Z instead they'll be happier because they think Q." Not critical, just giving valuable information for him to put into the hopper.

But it's definitely a real challenge.

DeeDee

Lots of things come to mind here.

That is exactly the sort of thing that my DS9 would write, and he would be just as shocked that it wasn't what the teacher was looking for. Ask for an opinion, you're going to get an opinion!

Same with the "explain your answer" thing. We're still working on that, but since he was 5 he's been answering those with "because it's right" and so on. Can't argue with that, it's true -- and it's hard to explain how you know that 5 x 5 = 25.

I did more subtle rebellion, myself -- I remember a paper in high school where we were supposed to discuss the author's symbolism involving the use of light in a story (the light was on or the fire was lit when there were great truths being revealed, etc.) and I wrote my paper on how the light didn't mean anything -- they turned the light on when they entered a room, lit the fire when it was cold. Teacher didn't have that in mind, but I wrote good papers.

Definitely a fan of the charm school story, though I know it as "fantastic". Working on teaching DS9 that sort of thinking, but he is a bit too literal.

Jon, reminds me of Apollo 13, when the press goes after the wives -- "remember, we're proud, happy and thrilled."

I think I would be getting a bit upset with the teacher for downgrading the answers after asking for opinions with no specific criteria. And especially for taking off more points on an unrelated assignment because that paper wasn't "chivalrous". But I'd have to have a discussion with the kiddo and try to explain exactly how one is supposed to know when the teacher is looking for a lie, and what sort of lie to provide, and how to fill the required space with said lie. Survival 101.

He is twelve, has no reference points in his own history that would make him think that it was a colloquial reference to anything other than just being icky. My generation considered that word to be a borderline cuss word, but I can promise you that his generation does not. It is the same a yuck or ick or bummer.

Honestly, that statement -that his generation does not consider anything wrong with sucks - shocked me, and I have a 12-year old boy (as well as two older girls and a younger boy). They ALL know that this would be a completely inappropriate word to use (I don't think he knows the sexual implication, but just that it isn't proper English - in the same way he wouldn't write OMG-or yuck or bummer-in a written response). If any kid in my child's public school said "that story sucks" in an oral response to a teacher, let alone written, they'd receive a consequence. Now, at the high-school level, I think it is different, but I still can't imagine either of my daughters having used that kind of language to a teacher or in an essay.
My ds12 has an IEP for expressive language and isn't always the best at expressing himself (sometimes too direct, doesn't always spare people's feelings) but he does know that written answers are supposed to be thoughtful and evidence based, "I disliked the story because XX" or "My least favorite part was XX" and they should use proper English.
I know you don't want to beat him up over expressing his honest opinion, but if he has no social/spectrum issue, he is, imo, more than old enough to understand that this answer is not appropriate and to learn from you some simple rules for expresing his opinion politely.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=89127830

Some interesting information on the evolution of "sucks" and other ideas covered in today's discussion.

MY DD12 said that the answer was reasonable. I asked her if she thought there was a better way to put the answer; she said "Yeah, but it wouldn't get the point across! I HATE assignments like that! Maybe the teacher should give relavant assignments that require some thought." So, with that, I told her that I hope she thinks twice before writing something like this that she had a much better vocabulary. She turned away quietly and went on to the next...makes me wonder when I will be getting an email similar to the OP!!

LOL! Where is the like button??
It sounds like me. My college freshman English Comp final paper "Why I Hate Your Class". I was 16, and I got an "A".
But seriously, I am having to teach my dd to "lie" also and give the teacher what she wants. They are currently reading "To Kill A Mockingbird". What she really wants to say is that she read this book (and most of the other books they have done this year) about four years ago. Sigh.

Interesting link. Thanks for posting,

My DS8 is a big fan of the word 'hate' but we've worked with him a lot the past couple of years to understand that it's a VERY VERY strong word, and that most people think of it like it's a bad word. At school he is not to use the word. I've worked with him a lot this year, as well, on providing the answers that the teachers expect, not what he wants to write. I think it's a very important skill to learn, one that will help most people their entire lives. He knows at home he can say/write what he pleases, but not at school.

OK, at what point did "stupid" rise to the level of profanity? (Honestly, my kid thinks that it's a bad word, because school treats it like a swear, but IMHO, that's stupid.)