Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional All the other stories sucked.

That is what my son wrote for an assignment this morning, according to the email I received from his teacher.

The assignment asked out of the three myths the students read that week, which was their favorite. She sent me his responses which were obviously not appropriate.

I'm finding the older my 12 year old gets, the more he seems completely surprised when his "honesty" offends others. Before I sit him down AGAIN and let him know that his responses were not only inappropriate but hurtful, I'm wondering what some of you have done to help your kids learn to filter. My older two did not have this issue, so I'm at a loss as to what else to try.

According to his teacher, this was his response: "My favorite story was "X" because it was the shortest. I hate reading stories I had read before. The storie was one I heard before. All the other stories sucked".

I don't have a kid that age so I don't have parental advice but I got in trouble in school a few times for similar responses.

Changing the tone probably won't happen easily. Changing the wording so that he says the same thing in a way that doesn't get him in trouble might be a easier goal.

I actually enjoyed the extra challenge of irritating teachers I didn't like but doing it in a way for which I couldn't really get in trouble.

Mmm... are you really saying that your DS, at 12 (and without ASD, right?) did not understand that the teacher would be hurt by his writing this? If my 8yo wrote that - in fact, if he'd written it two years ago - it would mean he was angry with her and was showing it inappropriately. I wouldn't be tackling it by explaining why the teacher was hurt, I'd be explaining why this wasn't a good way to get things improved.

I think it's important to understand which it is - lack of awareness of the potential offence, or deliberate offence, with lack of awareness of the consequences of offending someone, perhaps. The two need different reactions.

I like what ColinsMum said about figuring out where he was coming from. Could just be sick and tired of the whole darn scene but didn't make a good choice as to how to communicate that.

I'd make him do a written apology and rewrite it properly, then deal with the issue that made him do it and try to work on him developing different ways to express this (this is based on him being able to distinguish, which I don't know about him).

When my sister was that age she was like that (though we didn't use the word "sucked", and its very, very common now) someone said to her "you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar!" and she scornfully replied "And why would I want to catch flies?"

Now of course she's the queen of the scout troop/mommy group/religious ed etc. and can schmooze and navigate with the best of them...she learned as she went along and matured.

I'm no help but I did have to have a talk with my DD11 and tell her that under no circumstances could she stand up and talk about her alphabet soup powerpoint and say "D is for Dumb"......even though we both felt that it was appropriate. I agree that a talk about the challenge of writing the same thing nicely would be appropriate . Good Luck.

I am worried even more about having a kid in school now.
master of none - I would give a A for that response. It was brief and it answered the question. I just think the assignment is too open to get picky about responses. Was there a word requirement that should have been met?

I agree the word choice of "hate" and "sucks" are bad. Otherwise, if the teacher had something in mind it could have been in the instructions.

I guess I would point out if he is turning in something for a grade he needs to pander to / be respectful to the grader.

You know, I hope nobody is offended by this, but I think "they sucked" is pretty funny, and gets to the point--maybe he'll be a comedian when he grows up.
But I agree he needs to have an appropriate response in the classroom.


There was a thread on this site somewhere awhile ago about what kids can do to deal with boredom while still appearing to behave appropriately in the classroom. This seems like a similar problem IMO of having to find covert ways of not going nuts when you have to do something you don't want to do. So while I never tried to covertly irritate teachers, perhaps some kids might enjoy this approach, or just doing the chore differently--for example, using 'big words' to say the same thing while not getting in trouble (with the irritating the teacher thing being a possible side bonus, depending on the kid and the teacher, ha). This could also be a good vocabulary-building exercise as well as a teaching opportunity--why did the stories suck? Did the villains prevail? Was the hero improbably pure of heart? Did the gods do irrational things that one might get in trouble for if one were a kid at that very school? It could be really fun.

Yes, ColinsMum, that is what I'm saying. In the 12 years I've known him, my son hasn't to my knowledge ever intentionally hurt someone else physically or emotionally. He cares deeply about injustices and even turned in his best friends in first grade for making fun of a little girl who was crying.

I think you hit it on the head, master of none, with the insight that "he answers the question literally and cannot lie or embellish".

So I can make rules. I can tell him "You are not allowed to use the word suck. You are not allowed to use the word hate." He will abide by those rules. But the next time, he will likely be just as blunt but just use different words.

I don't believe we have any issues with ASD. He has a quick sense of humor, is very popular at school (despite his being blunt), and doesn't have a lot of the other markers.

And this will be exactly what he tells me about the assignment. That she didn't ask him to make it a certain number of words, that it had to be positive, etc. If it wasn't defined, he assumes he can approach it as he wishes.

And don't worry about having kids - you'll know their number and how to deal with it better than I do, because I was the play to the teacher for an A kind of kid.

Actually that reminds me of a joke:
Two women (your favorite identifiers here) were conversing (your location)
The first woman said, "When my first child was born, my husband built this beautiful mansion for me."
The second woman commented, "Well, isn't that nice."
The first woman continued "When my second child was born, my husband bought me that fine Cadillac automobile you see parked in the drive."
Again, the comment, "Well, isn't that nice."
The first boasted, "Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet."
Yet again, the second commented "Well, isn't that nice."
The first woman then asked her companion, "What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?"
The second woman replied, "My husband sent me to charm school."
"Charm school!" the first woman cried "land sakes, child, what on Earth for?"
The second woman responded, "So that instead of saying 'who gives a flying fuc%, I learned to say 'Well, isn't that nice!"