Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Must I lie? Why oh Why? (rant)

Ha, these posts are making me realize that perhaps my expectations of normal are a bit skewed, and I don't really think of my DS as really out there gifted, but neither of those statements seem particularly age inappropriate to me.lol I remember well learning about googolplex myself when I had to google (ha!) it for my preschooler.

This brings to mind something I have been wondering: do your children converse with adults more comfortably than other kids their age? I was thinking about this recently. My DS has always been comfortable striking up conversations with adults, but I realize when I think about my friends' kids that are his age, I don't think that I have ever had a conversation with them that I didn't start. DS, on the other hand, is happy to chat away with adults on a variety of topics. Mostly, people seem charmed by this, but sometimes I wonder if they find it strange.

My children are too shy to converse with adults easily whom they don't know well. However, they do prefer talking with older kids, and DS7 in particular prefers talking about science with his good friends' older siblings. Thankfully, both of my kids devolve easily into the dippy behavior of their agemates too, so they seem happy - for now - in both worlds. I think that will change as they get older, and DS7 has been continually on the lookout for other kids "who know a lot like me, especially about science" ever since his best friend (who knew a lot like him, especially about science) moved away last summer. We haven't yet found a real replacement for his BF in an agemate. DD5 is happiest when playing with DS7's friends.

I find that many of my kids' classmates very easily talk to adults though, and I have lots of interesting conversations with some of them. I eat lunch with the kids at their school sometimes, and last year when DS7 was in kindergarten I ended up in a conversation with a bunch of kindergarten boys about google and googleplex (which I honestly forgot existed, they brought it up). I don't know if it's our school's curriculum, or the kids at our school and the conversations their parents have with them at home, but we seem to have a good number of pretty insightful kids capable of articulating themselves well in conversation. Enough so that no parent is going to think it's strange if a 5yo talks about molecules. (We are at our neighborhood public school, not a gifted school.)

Now that I have read back through the middle of this thread, I have to comment on the regional piece. Whether it's regional, rural, or suburban, or something else, I don't know, but I do think it plays a large part. My experience living in a dense urban neighborhood in a city with one of the highest percent of college degrees in the nation, is that DH and I can talk about our son's abilities, gently, with other parents and they are all perfectly fine about it. A lot of parents know he's in math in a higher grade, and it's no big deal. There are other kids in the school who move around to different grades, and I've run into quite a number of parents over the past several years with kids at gifted schools, in gifted programs, or in the case of our school which has neither, parents who are open about their kids moving around to different grades when needed. We live in an area that's highly educated, but just as or more importantly, it's full of people who moved here from somewhere else and are very adaptable and open to change and difference. My southern hometown is culturally not as open to change and difference.

I know how old other kids are and who is in gifted because our school stinks at FERPA. The gifted teacher sends out emails with everyone on the cc line, so it's easy to see who the parents are. I know how old everyone is because the early grades always do graphing exercises displaying ages and birthday month.

I really hate it when people point-blank ask me about my kids' abilities. And yes, that has happened. They are both very verbally advanced, which I guess makes it obvious to the casual observer. Other parents know they are in gifted programming and accelerated at school, but they do not need to know specifics so that they can compare my kid to theirs. I usually try to be polite but vague. My husband and I have a "need to know" policy. The only people who know my kids' IQ scores/test scores/grades, are the people who need to know for our daughters' well being. This includes immediate family, their pediatrician, and school personnel. It's not any other mom's business. Not to be rude, but jeez. I wouldn't ask how much your husband makes, so why would you ask about my kid's test scores?

Then she said, "You are so lucky to have a slower kid like ..... raising a gifted kid is such hard work!

You know its funny. My son played soccer last year with 2 boys who were in his special school district class at preschool. He has some behavior issues and needs help with his social skills. Even though my kid is testing as gifted, she and I could better relate than I can with any other parents. She understood the IEP, the trying to fit them into school that didn't always want to accept they were different. More than once we smiled at each other and knew we understood what the other was going through. She had the same challenges I faced. I've always felt that highly gifted, autism & aspergers any other types of non-typical kids are more closely related than not.

Irish: I think you are right that kids at both ends of the educational spectrum create challenges that parents have to work though to get the best possible situation for their children. This parent is just rude. This is the same one who said that taking the EXPLORE test is just a money maker for Duke U. How is that? She said that the school sells the names of the students and then you get all these invitations to summer camps that you can't afford. Well, if you can't afford it and you don't send your kid, HOW is that a money maker for the college? (and I don't think they sell names. If they do, that isn't a huge money maker for sure.) So, now that I have heard enough from her, I will do my best to avoid her.

Duke doesn't even charge for academic transcripts.

Last night an incident between my DD7 and a teammate at soccer practice inspired some of the soccer moms to discuss how "This is the age at which the drama begins." Since it was a safe enough topic, I volunteered "I wish!", and let them know how it started with DD and another playmate before DD's 3rd birthday. Later on the topic drifted to how girls can isolate one when there's an odd number of kids in the group, so I volunteered that, "What's interesting when DD has a classmate and her 10yo sister over is that it's always the classmate that ends up being the odd one out."

One of the moms put the two statements together and explained how oldest girls can often be an "old soul" and behave much more maturely than their age would predict. I nodded, as if to say, "Sure, we'll go with that explanation, then."

"that's inappropriate?"

LOL

it is to everyone else!

and actually she said this at 3yrs.. during a large playdate.. it came to mind because it caused quite a stir