Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy A sad realization last week....

Apologies. I wasn't meaning to offend with my teasing, and I certainly didn't intend for anyone to believe my statement applied to ALL CEO's (that would have blanketed my husband as well, and heaven knows he wouldn't know what to do with a golf club. )I was simply attempting to humorously show that there are obviously many paths to success, that following a certain path isn't a guarantee to success or wealth, and IQ is useful but isn't always necessary. I've seen situations where IQ can even be a hindrance in certain "Good Old Boy" business networks where SOME CEO's may feel intimidated by extreme intelligence and choose to trust people they feel more socially secure with.

Everyone wants to believe that if they work hard and follow the "right" educational path that the sky is the limit on how much money they can make, but everybody underestimates the amount of luck that factors in. You are lucky if you remain healthy, you are lucky if you were born into a family that can afford to send you to college or you are lucky if you were born with the intelligence to get a scholarship, or maybe you were lucky to simply be born looking this generation's definition of beautiful. Hard work can overcome a lot of these obstacles, and someone blessed with a high IQ or charm can "make" a lot of their own luck, but I'm not so sure we have as much control over our destiny as we like to tell ourselves.

I don't think there has been a "Good Old Boy's" network for a long time. The last I remember, that had any strength, was the Atlanta boys from NAPA auto parts and they were getting kind of old in the 80s. And they were limited to auto parts aftermarket.

You would think good social and political skills would get you a CEO spot, but look at that idiot they had in charge of BP when the spill happened. He came up the geology route, a good science kid.

Even that guy who wrote Outliers, admitted, that you can do the work, but you still need opportunity. Creating the opportunity is the skill for success. Maybe there is a book there....

We seem to have slightly different definitions of what a "good old boy" network is. Mine has more to do with attitude than organization. All I know is that advice from the smartest people in the room is often ignored because trust is not always weighted by a person's IQ. Sorry if my thoughts are not clear in type.

If you're saying the jobs go to people who know people or to whom they can relate then maybe that's why so many articles suggest EQ trumps IQ when it comes to work. On the one hand if you have to work with someone you want it to be someone you can work with. Maybe the key is to focus on trying not to make people uncomfortable.

I'm currently trying to get my EQ increased from "extremely poor" to "somewhat poor".

A lot of what is referred to as "luck" has to do with understanding social cues, social interaction, etc.

Without that, you are toast, career-wise. Which is how my career ended up as toast, so to speak.

This is what keeps me awake nights worrying about my son.

I'm pretty sure that they are skills that can be learned and improved with practice. The key would seem to be feedback and a willingness to learn.

Ah, but it can be dangerous to spend your life focussed on making sure other people are not "uncomfortable." Perhaps smart girls need to learn to not use big words so they won't make the boys around them feel stupid? Been there, done that, and I admit it worked but the "success" wasn't very satisfying. Or maybe smart boys need to learn some manly sport they aren't interested in just so they will be more accepted by their peers and managers? Regardless of which is the wise move for "success", I do appreciate those who fight against what I see as unreasonable expectations of others to feel "comfortable." At this point in my life I prefer myself when I have the guts to speak the truth as I see it even if it makes others feel a tad uncomfortable. I find that those who stick around, in life or business, especially when we disagree honestly, are the ones worth having around. Very little in life is simple as we get older, eh?

I don't think we're talking about girls using big words and boys learning to play sports.

Professionally, I'm allowed to make the opposing side as uncomfortable as possible. That tends to be what happens when you sue them, so it's really unavoidable.

But that talent wouldn't be so useful if you had the luck to be born female and were young and happened to be interested in ... say... the military contractor arena or politics. In that scenario EQ would probably get you further than some with a higher IQ. A physician with a crummy bedside manner perhaps would be more successful as a brain surgeon than as an OB/GYN, etc.

If a person's IQ is pretty stable, do you think that may also be true of a person's EQ? There's probably a book in there somewhere too I'm honestly curious about the thoughts others might have about it though.