Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy All of the sudden I am nervous

I just received an quick confirmation e-mail from the Asst. principal at the public school DS5 might be attending next year. I e-mail her last week to remind her of a phone conversation we had back in January for my son to possibly skip K in the fall and begin in 1st grade. I also included copies of the IQ and cognitive testing that we had done.

On Monday I will taking my son to register for K at the school. He is supposed to meet with the Asst. principal (which was confirmed in the e-mail). She will give us a personal tour and talk about the options. I am suddenly very nervous. What if this face to face meeting goes poorly (and she says that he must attend the half day K that they offer)? What if DS acts shy (which usually isn't his problem)? Any advice for other things I should bring along to the meeting. For those of you who tried acceleration from a school that didn't already know your child were you successful? If you were, what did you bring or say that might have influenced your success?

I really wish I had timed everything better and we knew if DS was a DYS already.

I would be real clear on the purpose of the mtg. I know some folks who they mtgs went poorly and it did mess things up. In part in one case because the a question was asked about going to class with big kids vs friends. of course this upset the kid. I just personally wouldn't want to be in a position of talking about decision in front of my child. we are the adults. i think at their ages - at this point - it is our job to figure this stuff out. if the point is to get a feel for the kid a typically screening... well it is what they want to do i just hope the principle's intent is a friendly meet and greet.

like dottie and mon i've save any decision making conversations for another time... you can use your child as an excuse - maybe you have a few more questions to address on the phone or email privately.

That's a very valid point. Go there to meet her, to find out more about the school, to get a feeling for the place and to show it to your son, but not to make any decisions. Use it to set up another appointment, but do not discuss the placement in front of your child. I go as far as trying not to discuss our 5 year old in front of our 3 year old.

You can use DS as an excuse and if DH is not attending then I would also use "I need to discuss it with my husband." Good luck.

Thanks for the advice everyone. It was very helpful. DH will be coming with me so I can't use him for an excuse. I will tell the asst. principal that I don't want to make a decision or talk about the decision with my son present. I hope that she will schedule a follow up meeting with me in the next few weeks.

Hopefully my son's black eye won't give the wrong impression. He ran into his sister's head earlier today but he has been telling everyone he was in a fight (since that it much funnier).

I am heading there tomorrow confident in what I want for my son and I hope that they have an open mind. Hopefully I will have a good update (and maybe some happy mail) to share upon our return.

Hi,

I just wanted to wish good luck.

I think expressing your firm desire not to discuss it 'on the spot' is right on. But do ask your child in advance the 'friend v. big kid question' in advance, and explain that you believe that he can make friends anywhere he goes if he acts friendly. Your son may get the vibe that the principle 'wants' him to say that he'll miss his agemates, so it might be wise to state this before hand, that what most kids are concerned with is making friends, not learning, so that most adults are worried about this. You can say that you believe that he needs BOTH a chance to learn and friends.

Your son will also have picked up on your excitement/nervousness by now, so you may want to figure out how to acknowledge this without tipping your whole hand. "I am remembering how nervous I was when I first visited school." may cover it.

I'll be praying for you!
Grinity

Well, that was a very anti-climatic meeting. After speaking with me in January, the asst Principal read the reports and did some research. Since K is not mandatory in our state and there are no early-entry policies for exception we are really stuck with one choice. Where should my son attend K since a skip to 1st is not an option (MUST be 5 by Sept 30th to attend K and MUST be 6 by September 30th to attend 1st. My son was 5 in December)?

While at the school we met the asst. principal, the K teachers and even the principal came to meet us. All were sympathetic but no one could help us even though they kept saying they are going to try their hardest to meet my son's needs. As much as I want public school to work I am already discouraged. My son also aced the K screening tool. He told the teacher he was very disappointment there was no math problems and even more disappointed that even in 1st grade there would be no multiplying or dividing.

I have very few options:
1. Having him attend half day public K and trying to find a private K to take him for the afternoon (There are several in the area that have had this arrangement in the past).
2. Have him continue another year at his current Montessori school where he is already well above the K kids who will be moving to first but the teachers are willing to individualize curriculum for him. Since he would continue with his current age mates I know he will have no intellectual peers and continue to be a loaner.
3. Find another private K at a daycare type place and hope for the best. Maybe we will find another "smart" child or a teacher who understands him.

I honestly love my job and don't really have any desire to homeschool. I also have two younger children that are currently in daycare so if I stay home with older DS5, I would also be home with DD3 and DS1. I envy the patience of moms who stay home with their kids. It's just not me.

Right now I know I am going to wait and see if anything comes of our DYS application before making a quick decision.

When I brought DS5 back to his school after the meeting today, his teacher current told me that she really hopes we have DS5 stay with her. She really adores teaching him but we have had our issues in the past few months where she tries to force my son to use the math manipulative--which really frustrates him. She has also admitted to me that she only has enough curriculum to go up to 3rd grade and I have a feeling she might run out by the time DS5 finishes his K year there--especially in math. We also missed the enrollment date but the teacher did assure us that if we decide to keep him there she will find him a spot.

I am so discouraged right now. I need a fat envelope to cheer me up. If I get the thin envelope this week it might just push me over an edge.

Oh, no! Step back from the edge, crisc! I'm really sorry for your disappointing news!

Do you know any "smart kids" or where they go to school? Is there any sort of GT support group (PAGE, POGS, etc.) in the area? You could find out where the kids of the members went to K and see if there's a true peer there.

The Montessori school sounds like a known quantity, and while the teacher is clearly doing her best, bless her!, it doesn't sound like a good option to me. Running out of curriculum? No true peers? Not great.

The half-public-and-half-private option doubles your chances for finding a peer, and at least you know that the public K is trying to work with you, but it still seems like you're too likely to wind up with a bored child. This seems like a possible solution, but not the best ever.

Private K is a totally unknown quantity. I think you need more info about the private Ks if you're going to make an educated choice about this. What do you know about the private Ks in the area? What are your options?

Waiting for DYS notification in the hopes of advocacy help is very smart. Unfortunately, it sounds like you really need it, and right now!

I'm so sorry!

{{hugs}}

I am so sorry about your news. It is so hard to feel like you don't have any good options. I think it is wrong that the school won't let your child go because of an age requirement.

I don't know where you live but in our state I heard that parents can open enroll their child into any school district they want. Mabe there is another public school near by that would be more flexible or have GT programs that your child could be in.

It seems like there is not alot of options for young kids going through this until like 2nd or 3rd grade. I hope you find a solution. Please give us an update on how things are going.

I'm thinking that with three children you are probably paying a pretty penny to send them all to daycare - how about hiring a tutor/in-home daycare person to do the homeschooling, at least for one more year?

Are there any college students near you?

Just an idea - Grinity

Hi, just reading this post. Any news to report? I do hope you find a solution. And, since I'm new, I have to ask: What is DYS?

Oh, thanks Dottie. That "9" on my son's social comprehension blew any chance at this program. He would have qualified in math on the achievement test. Man, I guess I should have taught him how a bank works and why a policeman wears a uniform (both questions the doctor said he couldn't answer, although I know he knows) instead of how to subtract and get negative numbers.

Sorry, everyone, for getting off-topic with Dottie.

What a bummer, you had things all lined up and now you are starting from the scratch

May be the Montessori with curriculum up to 3rd grade would be an ok option. Being able to do 3rd grade material may be better than being in the 1st grade learning the 1st grade material. At least you would know what you are getting into.

I hear you on the social issues, we were in similar situation this year. No friends in school, too few kids and most of them younger, forget intellectual peers. The social part didn't work there. DS is doing 4th grade math and the teacher has been coming with new things just for him for most of this school year. Hopefully your son's teacher can do the same for him and if not I would make it clear that you would supply his math material if they run out of things to give him.

I too am not happy with our M experience (mainly because of DS3, DS5 did pretty ok), but it is still our back up option.

Could you do half public K and half Montessori?

Good luck with your decisions.