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    #123360 - 02/18/12 03:36 PM Re: Your perception of other same age kids? [Re: islandofapples]
    deacongirl Offline
    Member

    Registered: 07/03/10
    Posts: 948
    Originally Posted By: islandofapples
    We could just tell the truth.
    "You sometimes learn things more quickly than other children. Yes, that means they take longer to learn things and may seem slow to you, but it isn't polite to say that out loud. You should try to be patient with other children like that. If you tell another child that she is "slow", you'll hurt her feelings."

    I would love if my child was more tolerant than I was of the slower children, but most of the time they drove me nuts. It wasn't just that they played games "wrong"... most of my frustration stemmed from the slow pace of school. I'm hoping homeschooling and introducing her to kids of all ages will help with some of that.


    Well, you can actually explain it that way without calling someone slow. I tell my son and his friends that it may take him longer to learn things, and he has to try harder. So yes, he is slower to learn, but if adults on this forum don't get that the connotation of calling someone slow is different than that I don't know how to explain it.

    And yes, I felt the same way about the slow pace of school as a kid.

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    #123361 - 02/18/12 03:38 PM Re: Your perception of other same age kids? [Re: JonLaw]
    annette Offline
    Member

    Registered: 01/20/11
    Posts: 253
    Originally Posted By: JonLaw
    Originally Posted By: islandofapples
    Yes @ the egg shells thing. If you have to do that, it usually means you are in an abusive relationship!


    Is it possible to be in an abusive relationship with an Internet chatboard?


    lol. maybe!

    I don't believe that the posters who were talking about differences between their children and others on this thread meant to offend. I will continue to defend them because I think it's wrong to be so judgmental.

    I do believe that some of the posters who decided to pass judgement on the earlier posters were trying to offend. I will continue to direct them to their own hypocrisy.


    That said, I do believe it's important to use tact and sensitivity when discussing our children, especially outside of these forums, but inside as well. I'm an advocate of that. I just don't believe people should have to walk on eggshells in these forums.

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    #123362 - 02/18/12 03:40 PM Re: Your perception of other same age kids? [Re: La Texican]
    JonLaw Offline
    Member

    Registered: 07/29/11
    Posts: 2007
    Loc: The Sub-Tropics
    Originally Posted By: La Texican
    See what I mean about Great Literature giving us better words to join the generational Great Conversation?


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rULKKiJp6NY


    Edited by JonLaw (02/18/12 03:44 PM)
    Edit Reason: Went with the original.

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    #123363 - 02/18/12 03:41 PM Re: Your perception of other same age kids? [Re: Iucounu]
    deacongirl Offline
    Member

    Registered: 07/03/10
    Posts: 948
    Originally Posted By: Iucounu
    It's easy to get defensive when someone calls us on our use of offensive speech: "It's all in the ears of the hearer", "Some people just like to be offended and it's nobody else's fault", "There are possible interpretations besides the glaringly obvious hurtful ones", "You're making my point for me", etc. It's often easy to cut through such nonsense by simply putting oneself in the position of the specific hearer, and likely others as well.

    Might someone get offended upon learning that someone described her child as a zombie? Weird? Glazed (i.e. lifeless etc.)? Of course they certainly would, and reasonably so-- any argument to the contrary is so ridiculous that it terminates any pretense at reasonable debate. It's pure bull****. (If you insert an offensive term there, it's your issue and not mine.)

    If any posters here saw a little of their own attitudes in my previous post, I hope it stings a little. The extent to which it does may be the extent to which they can easily change to become more kind and mindful of others, when discussing topics with such an obvious capacity for hurt feelings-- and with such recent evidence of the sort of backlash their attitudes cause against the parents of gifted children. There may be little hope for those who stick to their guns even after someone lets them know that they have been personally, directly offended to the point of leaving this site.


    Thank you.

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    #123364 - 02/18/12 03:46 PM Re: Your perception of other same age kids? [Re: JonLaw]
    annette Offline
    Member

    Registered: 01/20/11
    Posts: 253
    JonLaw,

    Don't you have some legal brief to work on?
    You are making me laugh too hard over here. smile

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    #123365 - 02/18/12 03:50 PM Re: Your perception of other same age kids? [Re: islandofapples]
    islandofapples Offline
    Member

    Registered: 07/20/11
    Posts: 332
    I just asked my husband about this and he's a pretty caring sensitive guy...
    He thinks we should feel comfortable talking about stuff like this, since we are in the "company of our own peers"... other people who might "get it".


    Has it occurred to you guys how offensive it might be to person who has a child who is... ND. We have a special acronym around here... ND.. for normally developing children. We have a very specific acronym, just so we can easily distinguish between what a "ND" does and what our children do. There is no tip toeing around it... this whole forum is about how gifted children are different.


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    #123366 - 02/18/12 03:54 PM Re: Your perception of other same age kids? [Re: JonLaw]
    La Texican Offline
    Member

    Registered: 07/10/10
    Posts: 1777
    Loc: South Texas
    Originally Posted By: JonLaw

    Your life is the remainder of an unbalanced equation.  Which despite my sincerest effort I have been unable to eliminate.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rULKKiJp6NY


    Geesh, JonLaw, if anybody was offended by those words I'd say they were offends by what they heard and not really by what you said. (I'm sure that's not about the title of this thread, dear lurkers. This thread is on a path of it's own.). I think it's the "forum guidelines discussion - revisited, for those who missed it.)
    _________________________
    Youth lives by personality, age lives by calculation. -- Aristotle on a calendar

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    #123367 - 02/18/12 04:45 PM Re: Your perception of other same age kids? [Re: islandofapples]
    La Texican Offline
    Member

    Registered: 07/10/10
    Posts: 1777
    Loc: South Texas
    Here's that thread. IIRC we talked a lot about censorship & sensitivity.

    http://giftedissues.davidsongifted.org/BB/ubbthreads.php/topics/108426/1.html
    _________________________
    Youth lives by personality, age lives by calculation. -- Aristotle on a calendar

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    #123370 - 02/18/12 04:55 PM Re: Your perception of other same age kids? [Re: islandofapples]
    MumOfThree Offline
    Member

    Registered: 04/07/11
    Posts: 1694
    Loc: Australia
    I have just re read my own post and I feel bad about the tone of it, it came out sounding nasty. But in fact I do have that exact conversation very regularly with my DH. People keep telling me to "stand around and chat with the other parents" to make friends for myself or my kids. To "spend some time in the classroom" to see where my kids are at or how best to support them. And I see other parents can actually to this because their toddlers just sit there, while mine is running with scissors or writhing in my arms like a screaming octopus. Sure I know they'll likely be great adults. By more of the good stuff has also come with more of the "absolute nightmare to parent from 6 months to 3+ years old". I would LOVE to make some friends, have more playdates for my older kids, spend time in the classroom etc. but one's toddler needs to be a bit more managable than mine is for that to work. It would be such a relief to have her sit nicely on my arm like a handbag just once. I am mentally and physically exauhsted.... Yeah I notice other people's kids are different, and short term I wish mine were too and that lead to me sounding far nastier in my first post than I intended. I don't love how different and difficult my toddler is in public. Yes she's "more", it's not always a good thing, though when she's not screaming like a banshee other people appear to find her fascinating.

    Oh and for whoever asked, I HAVE had an older sibling ask loudly in the supermarket why our toddler was so much bigger, taller and smarter than all the other kids her age. That was yet another "will the ground just swallow me up now please" moment, I did not have a good answer ready and "she's not" would be patently untrue...she is all of those things.

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    #123372 - 02/18/12 05:08 PM Re: Your perception of other same age kids? [Re: MumOfThree]
    islandofapples Offline
    Member

    Registered: 07/20/11
    Posts: 332
    Originally Posted By: MumOfThree
    I have just re read my own post and I feel bad about the tone of it, it came out sounding nasty. But in fact I do have that exact conversation very regularly with my DH. People keep telling me to "stand around and chat with the other parents" to make friends for myself or my kids. To "spend some time in the classroom" to see where my kids are at or how best to support them. And I see other parents can actually to this because their toddlers just sit there, while mine is running with scissors or writhing in my arms like a screaming octopus. Sure I know they'll likely be great adults. By more of the good stuff has also come with more of the "absolute nightmare to parent from 6 months to 3+ years old". I would LOVE to make some friends, have more playdates for my older kids, spend time in the classroom etc. but one's toddler needs to be a bit more managable than mine is for that to work. It would be such a relief to have her sit nicely on my arm like a handbag just once. I am mentally and physically exauhsted.... Yeah I notice other people's kids are different, and short term I wish mine were too and that lead to me sounding far nastier in my first post than I intended. I don't love how different and difficult my toddler is in public. Yes she's "more", it's not always a good thing, though when she's not screaming like a banshee other people appear to find her fascinating.

    Oh and for whoever asked, I HAVE had an older sibling ask loudly in the supermarket why our toddler was so much bigger, taller and smarter than all the other kids her age. That was yet another "will the ground just swallow me up now please" moment, I did not have a good answer ready and "she's not" would be patently untrue...she is all of those things.


    I definitely had no issue with your original reply. Please don't take this as me attacking your most recent reply or anything... because I totally feel you on how difficult an intense toddler can be... but do you see what you did there?

    It's the same thing I saw on a slew of gifted parenting mommy blogs when they replied to the BabyCenter lady.

    Every post basically said, "Don't resent that my kid is gifted... It is hard having gifted kids and here are all the extra things we deal with... so stop feeling jealous and hateful toward us."

    To me, it feels like the model gorgeous girl who dumbs herself down or plays up other issues she has so that the other girls can make themselves feel better, hate her less, and maybe even include her. (Yeah, she is beautiful - but she's dumb, so she's not all that.)

    Giftedness has some extra issues that come along with it, but I really don't think they negate the academic advantage that does exist and why moms like BabyCenter mom feel compelled to write posts like that.

    I think you are fully allowed to say you've noticed other kids hanging out with their moms the way handbags do. Because it is true and very different from your every day experience. You shouldn't need to elaborate about how tough it is... because *we* (here... in this gifted forum) already should understand.

    If someone stumbles in from google and doesn't get it or gets offended... then they are having a different experience in life and that is just fine.

    (I've been enjoying a glass of Sangria, so I hope this comes out right.)


    Edited by islandofapples (02/18/12 05:12 PM)

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