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    #123501 - 02/19/12 08:42 PM Re: Your perception of other same age kids? [Re: DeeDee]
    annette Offline
    Member

    Registered: 01/20/11
    Posts: 253
    Originally Posted By: DeeDee

    Disdain of others, by contrast, is usually hurtful. I can't see the point of it.


    I couldn't agree more (as many of my previous posts state).

    First day out-of-the house after a nasty bout of flu. I'm feeling much better and I'm enjoying more head clarity. ~sigh~

    deacongirl, and others,
    I'm truly sorry for being harsh in my arguments with you.

    Clearly, I was using a sledge hammer to get my points across (and not just with you). It was both ineffectual and insensitive. There is some hypocrisy in this which I find kind of funny given my arguments. But you know, I like to practice what I preach--turning my critical eye on myself. lol.

    Anyhow...
    I blame flu-derived grumpiness + the frustration you feel in a conversation when both people are talking, but only one person is listening.

    Being gentle when frustrated and grumpy is something I do need to work on. wink



    Edited by annette (02/19/12 10:59 PM)

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    #123502 - 02/19/12 09:19 PM Re: Your perception of other same age kids? [Re: deacongirl]
    islandofapples Offline
    Member

    Registered: 07/20/11
    Posts: 332
    Originally Posted By: deacongirl

    Thank you for being sensitive to the feelings of other children and teaching your child to consider those feelings. I am obviously particularly sensitive about this topic, and I know it is complicated, and I do appreciate your intentions. Yesterday my 8 yo ds was very sad because he said someone at school called him stupid and dd4 asked what stupid meant. I had to think for a long time before opening my mouth, because the fact is my son is not ND, and it takes him way longer to learn all of the things that even those at the median take for granted. But if the rest of the world tried as hard as he does, and didn't give up, and kept the loving and positive attitude he does in the face of some extremely frustrating circumstances, it would certainly be a better place. And, again, yes, I very clearly remember being frustrated with the slow pace of learning in my schooling.



    What you said here is very true:

    "NO one is acting like it isn't OK--there a million posts doing just that, it is the purpose of this forum.

    Every parent here is one extra chromosome (although I suppose that brings up a 'whole nother issue better not getting into here), one head injury, one car accident away from finding out what it is like to have a kid on the other end of the curve. And there are already other parents here who live it daily. Just because I happen to have a kid with special needs doesn't mean I don't need a place to discuss his two gifted sisters."


    Being gifted or "ND" or learning disabled or whatever isn't under our control. It is pretty much just an "accident" of birth and it can be taken away in an instant. So acting very superior about giftedness really just shows arrogance and also ignorance (but I consider behavior like that to be like a mom who brags and acts like her child is too good for the others because he's gifted or whatever... if such a woman exists.)

    There is also a spectrum, though. I don't think I felt very guilty thinking someone was slower or even "dumb" if they were a ND kid who treated me like [SPAM] all the time. (And I have to admit that as an adult I've had less than charitable thoughts about certain co-workers and managers...)

    But I wouldn't be thinking mean thoughts about someone in special ed or someone struggling who never did a thing to me. And I've never had someone like that gang up on me in school.

    None of this really has anything to do with whether babies look sleepy or glazed or not, though.

    But I have heard other parents actively encourage their children to negatively judge other kids or not treat them nicely! I remember going over a friends home and the parents were basically mocking me and trying to get me to dance to some rock music since I took dance classes and their own daughter didn't. They were being jealous and mean-spirited. I was like 6 years old.

    My sister and I told the parents of some girls who were throwing rocks at us or spitting on us or something at a park about what their kids were doing and they just laughed. I remember those girls being a part of the hateful popular crowd as they grew older.

    On one hand, I did hear my mom judge others and she wouldn't always let me play with kids if she thought they were from bad homes...but on the other hand she ALWAYS yelled at us if we put down another kid for being poor or for any other reason because she grew up as that kid.


    Edited by islandofapples (02/19/12 09:32 PM)

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    #123504 - 02/19/12 09:36 PM Re: Your perception of other same age kids? [Re: islandofapples]
    mountainmom2011 Offline
    Member

    Registered: 01/05/12
    Posts: 404
    I was watching a rerun of 'The Big Bang Theory' this evening and felt the need to share because it made me lol at the timing.

    Mrs. Cooper: "I've been telling you since you were four years old! It's okay to be smarter than everyone else, but you can't go around pointing it out!"
    Sheldon Cooper: "Why?"
    Mrs. Cooper: "Because other people don't like it!"

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    #123505 - 02/19/12 09:55 PM Re: Your perception of other same age kids? [Re: islandofapples]
    La Texican Offline
    Member

    Registered: 07/10/10
    Posts: 1777
    Loc: South Texas
    Teenage snark from a niece,
    "The moment someone tells you you're not good enough is the moment you know you're better than them."

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    #123520 - 02/20/12 06:18 AM Re: Your perception of other same age kids? [Re: annette]
    deacongirl Offline
    Member

    Registered: 07/03/10
    Posts: 948
    Originally Posted By: annette
    Originally Posted By: DeeDee

    Disdain of others, by contrast, is usually hurtful. I can't see the point of it.


    I couldn't agree more (as many of my previous posts state).

    First day out-of-the house after a nasty bout of flu. I'm feeling much better and I'm enjoying more head clarity. ~sigh~

    deacongirl, and others,
    I'm truly sorry for being harsh in my arguments with you.

    Clearly, I was using a sledge hammer to get my points across (and not just with you). It was both ineffectual and insensitive. There is some hypocrisy in this which I find kind of funny given my arguments. But you know, I like to practice what I preach--turning my critical eye on myself. lol.

    Anyhow...
    I blame flu-derived grumpiness + the frustration you feel in a conversation when both people are talking, but only one person is listening.

    Being gentle when frustrated and grumpy is something I do need to work on. wink



    Apology accepted. I have lots of things I am working on smile!

    As we are getting ready for my son's transition to a new school, (IEP mtg. on Monday) I found myself cringing at the terminology when he is referred to as "high-functioning". I know we (esp. educators) need a way to talk about these things...but the high-functioning/low-functioning wording seems so dehumanizing to me. I do think there are ways to respectfully have these conversations. I have learned that there are challenges getting the appropriate education for all of my kids, but I have found that in many areas my expectations of what those challenges would be were way off.

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    #123522 - 02/20/12 06:34 AM Re: Your perception of other same age kids? [Re: Iucounu]
    deacongirl Offline
    Member

    Registered: 07/03/10
    Posts: 948
    Originally Posted By: Iucounu
    I have a nephew with Down syndrome. I don't get frustrated with him because of his problems; he is what he is. I also don't consider him to be less of a human being. When he dies, as he will sooner than most of his age peers, the universe of his thoughts and emotions will be extinguished, a terrible thing and no less sad than my own death.

    I can no more join in putting down roughly average children than I can my nephew. I don't think of them as lesser beings-- I just don't ever "go there" by nature. Maybe that's the difference. I felt this way before my nephew, and before my son. I've always seen ordinary people as capable of great things, but it's really not about ability for me.

    So, for what it's worth, I am not eager to take offense on this sort of issue; I really took genuine offense at some of the comments in this thread, though not at the people making them. (From my phone)


    I have to say that it was way more frustrating, for example, teaching dd11 to ride a bike than teaching her little brother with Down syndrome. I very rarely get frustrated with him, because, as I said previously, I don't think it is possible to overstate the effort and perseverance he puts forth every day, and usually with a smile.

    Your second paragraph was beautiful--I had the same feelings prior to becoming to a parent, but still didn't expect to experience it firsthand--and now am incredibly thankful for the experience of parenting all of them.

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    #123524 - 02/20/12 06:41 AM Re: Your perception of other same age kids? [Re: mountainmom2011]
    JonLaw Offline
    Member

    Registered: 07/29/11
    Posts: 2007
    Loc: The Sub-Tropics
    Originally Posted By: mountainmom2011
    I was watching a rerun of 'The Big Bang Theory' this evening and felt the need to share because it made me lol at the timing.

    Mrs. Cooper: "I've been telling you since you were four years old! It's okay to be smarter than everyone else, but you can't go around pointing it out!"
    Sheldon Cooper: "Why?"
    Mrs. Cooper: "Because other people don't like it!"


    This sums up my high school experience, particularly with my father.

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    #123530 - 02/20/12 07:53 AM Re: Your perception of other same age kids? [Re: islandofapples]
    jack'smom Offline
    Member

    Registered: 01/02/10
    Posts: 757
    The results of OLSAT testing for all third graders just came out in our district, to determine who gets into the G/T program for next year. My son rocked it with 99th% on it. We haven't told a soul- there have been a spate of articles in our local newspaper how their child didn't get in, it isn't fair, all kids should stay in the same classroom together. Etc.
    Earlier in the third grade year, the teacher apparently went over what sounds the letters made, because some of the kids needed that information! I don't think people realize how different gifted children can be from the norm.

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    #123534 - 02/20/12 08:49 AM Re: Your perception of other same age kids? [Re: La Texican]
    Austin Offline
    Member

    Registered: 06/25/08
    Posts: 1840
    Loc: North Texas
    Originally Posted By: La Texican

    "The moment someone tells you you're not good enough is the moment you know you're better than them."


    Love it!

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    #123535 - 02/20/12 08:56 AM Re: Your perception of other same age kids? [Re: JonLaw]
    annette Offline
    Member

    Registered: 01/20/11
    Posts: 253
    lucounu, deacongirl,

    I have a friend whose boy has severe autism and apraxia. He is the opposite of high-functioning. Whenever I hear her talk wistfully about him *maybe someday* moving to the high functioning program (or even the mid-functioning program) I get tears in my eyes.

    The surprising thing is that she knows all about my son (from a mutual friend), and she talks about him without the least jealousy or pain. She makes me feel OK that my son is who he is and she does so in a way that many mothers of typically-developing children don't.

    I can't help but feel horrible around her, but I like to talk about the ways her child is amazing, and you know it's really not difficult to find those.

    Originally Posted By: JonLaw
    Originally Posted By: mountainmom2011
    I was watching a rerun of 'The Big Bang Theory' this evening and felt the need to share because it made me lol at the timing.

    Mrs. Cooper: "I've been telling you since you were four years old! It's okay to be smarter than everyone else, but you can't go around pointing it out!"
    Sheldon Cooper: "Why?"
    Mrs. Cooper: "Because other people don't like it!"


    This sums up my high school experience, particularly with my father.


    I was raised differently. My parents subscribed to Howard Gardners theory of the Intelligences, (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theory_of_multiple_intelligences).

    My brother has dyslexia and was surrounded by gifted siblings. Everything was more difficult for him. Maybe to compensate, and maybe because my parents truly didn't believe they were better than anyone else, we were raised to not notice or make a big deal out of our giftedness. Yes, we were in the programs, but no, my parents never talked about it with anyone, not even us. I didn't even realize my dad was PG until my son was born and he told me how he was tested when he was young. It never occurred to him that this was important.

    They like to focus on the things that made every person unique. They don't spend time comparing or judging others, or at least, not in my hearing. My brother with dyslexia loved planes. My parents focused on that, and not how difficult school was for him. He is now a commercial pilot, and maybe the confidence to achieve that came from never feeling like he was less.

    Because you know, he isn't.

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