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#11929 - 03/18/08 04:32 PM
Re: Defensive Homeschoolers?
[Re: ]
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Member
Registered: 05/26/07
Posts: 982
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My son refused to read the rest of A Wrinkle in Time. He said the town we live in reminded him too much of Camazotz. This is one reason we homeschool.
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#11932 - 03/18/08 05:06 PM
Re: Defensive Homeschoolers?
[Re: Lori H.]
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Member
Registered: 01/14/08
Posts: 1688
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I applaud everyone who HSs. I couldn't do it. It sounds very hard.
Dave, you sound exactly like DH, though secretly he really likes socializing, he just doesn't know how. The way you described yourself in HS, he has described himself. Didn't get invited to the football parties, but he was friends with everyone.
And all animal young like to play with each other, it is innate. And in my opinion, girls are born liking the cute boy and will wear what is fashionable to attract. I think I agree with Kriston's points that lie along that line about social cues.
Kriston, we agree.
I joined a mother's "support" group when DD was 4 months. As soon as I sat down on the floor and put her on a blanket, she rolled across the floor to see the other babies. A child with high social needs and it continues.
Does Davidson have any longitudinal studies on how HSing works and doesn't work for kids down the road, like researched pros and cons?
Ren
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#11935 - 03/18/08 07:25 PM
Re: Defensive Homeschoolers?
[Re: incogneato]
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PhysicistDave
Unregistered
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incogneato,
I have in mind the sort of situation where someone really needs to know some information even though it will hurt them – an obvious case would be a doctor telling a patient she has cancer. Another case would be a teacher giving an honest evaluation to a student that hurts the student’s feelings, even though the student needs to know the information to correct her errors (this may be especially tough on good students – it’s happened, I suppose, to all of us, but it’s the teacher’s job).
Also, there are people (probably all of us, at least sometimes) who “get their feelings hurt” simply because someone else expresses a different opinion. That can be a way of bullying people to force them to agree with us, and I don’t think anyone is obligated to avoid hurting our feelings in such a situation.
I think that gratuitously hurting other people’s feelings – just for the fun of it, so to speak -- is pretty much always wrong.
Dave
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#11936 - 03/18/08 07:39 PM
Re: Defensive Homeschoolers?
[Re: incogneato]
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Member
Registered: 09/19/07
Posts: 6145
Loc: Midwest
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Dave, Arguing in the sense I'm using the word is not a classic socratic dialogue, or some simple airing of views. I mean a disagreement, a values clash, a verbal fight. If it helps, I taught argumentative writing, so I'm completely on-board with the notion of discussing an issue dispassionately in order to come to the best, most reasoned position one can discover. (Ask acs! She'll back me on that, I know!  ) But that's not what I meant when I spoke about humans arguing when we feel defensive. I meant arguing! Complete with passion and anger and shaking hands and heart racing. I meant defending our views. I meant talking to be heard, not listening to understand. BTW, I stole this point from Lisa Rivero's "Creative Homeschooling" book. She was talking about GT kids arguing when they feel insecure, but it rang true for me. When I know I'm right, I let it go with a shrug. When I fear I'm not or feel I'm being ignored or diminished, I switch to defensiveness and even anger. Does that make my point clearer? I fear you've gone off into a semiotic argument when I was talking about *rampant emotionalism*. (Is Dottie here?) 
_________________________
Kriston
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#11939 - 03/18/08 08:24 PM
Re: Defensive Homeschoolers?
[Re: AmyEJ]
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Member
Registered: 09/19/07
Posts: 6145
Loc: Midwest
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So I just want to offer support to all of you defensive HSers, PSers, ___ers out there: you are doing what's best for your child(ren). And as we all know from reading these fabulous posts each day, every child is different. In my week of lurking I have loved reading about the personalities of your children, finding my DD5 in someone's DD and my DD3 in someone else's DS. I'm so thankful that you are here and are sharing, and am sorry that you ever feel defensive about anything. Back atcha', AmyEJ! Thanks for posting.  Please comment any time.
Edited by Kriston (03/18/08 08:29 PM) Edit Reason: changed my word choice because what I had sounded a little off my intention.
_________________________
Kriston
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#11943 - 03/18/08 08:57 PM
Re: Defensive Homeschoolers?
[Re: incogneato]
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Member
Registered: 03/05/07
Posts: 797
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On the issue of what to say/what not to say, I had a conversation several years ago with a "defensive" homeschooler at a basketball camp. I didn't know she was homeschooling her daughter and we were talking about how our kids were learning to get along with other kids. Our conversation went something like this.
Me: Oh, what grade is your daughter in? HS mom: Well, she's 5 so she should be in kindergarten. But we homeschool and she is already reading on a first grade level. Me: (biting my tongue furiously): Oh, that's lovely. So I was just thinking that as a five year old, it makes sense....(bringing the conversation back to the original topic).
It was really her tone that got me and the implication that her child was ahead because she was HSing--it was definitely a holier-than-thou tone. And I remain proud to this day that I didn't say what popped into my head, which was, "Wow, my son's in first grade a the local PS, but he's reading at the 7th grade level. Maybe you should consider PS since clearly they are doing a better job with my DS than you are with your DD."
From the perspective of distance, though, I do see her challenge in figuring out the right response to "what grade is your DD in?" I can see it would be something of a trick question if you have left the grade boxed life behind. I like to think she has refined her response a bit over the years.
So I don't have any advice on what to say, but I can say that this mother's response was most definitely a conversation killer!
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