Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school "whowhatwherewhenwhyhow?" ;

I'mk having trouble managing the "why?" phase. I've always loved this with other kids, and so I maybe encouraged it a bit too much early on. Anyway. When I realized I was getting really really really tooth-shatteringly (ok, almosttoothshatteringly) frustrated, I decided to teach DS to ask questions other than "why," in hopes the questions would become clearer and easier to answer.

Let's just say he learned that one pretty d#^% quick, and it did NOT help.

The upshot is, he's more into ontology than I am. He uses his new and improved question repetoire to inquire yet more deeply once he finally hits the ontological question.

Any advice? Please?

-Mich

He's trying to learn. Answer as much as you can stand, then answer a bit more, then take a break. It is okay to say you need a break from talking or that you need some quiet time.

I'd also suggest getting a break when you can adult conversation by getting together with other families with kids and by getting out of the house sometimes when you can. In my experience feeling really annoyed with stuff like this is a sign you need more time off.

It's a phase? Who knew?

I am a big fan of, I don't know, what do you think? Or why do you ask? Gives me a better idea of what he wants to know. Or where his mind is. Often it's in a very different place than I would have supposed.

Good luck!

DeHe

I notice two distinct types of questioning in Hanni. When she really wants to know, the questions are incisive and insightful, and while there may be followup questions, it does end eventually.

The other type is random, weird, doesn't make a lot of sense, and tends to be repetitive (e.g. repeated why's). Often she doesn't even listen to one answer before asking the next. These questions give me the distinct impression that she's bored, and is trying to think up questions to get attention.

We have a "why song," and when the questioning gets too annoying I start singing it. ("Why oh why oh why oh why? Why oh why oh why?" Etc.) She gets the point, and we both start laughing.

Yes, the Woodie Guthrie song is a good reminder that many a parent has reached the point where they get sick of "Why?"

That just reminded me of when DS was really little and I had reached that I can't answer another why question, he started to ask, why and I cut him off and sang Zee, like we had just done the ABCs. He was so thrown he didn't ask any questions for a few minutes!!

DeHe

Ha! I had no idea it was a Woodie Guthrie song. Thanks!

I love the question "why?", it's my favorite question by far, for two reasons:

1) A well-formed why-query is one of the best tools to unlocking the secrets of the universe.
2) It's a question that can be asked infinitely, so it's one of the best ways of annoying someone for an extended period before they notice you're doing it on purpose.

It's always best when you start out with a couple of very earnest whys, then smoothly transition to doing it for fun. You get to learn something, and then it takes a while for the other person to notice you've switched motives, so this rhetorical strategy is rewarding in both ways.

On the opposite end, when DD is hammering me with whys, if I think she's earnest but I need a break, I just tell her we'll talk about it more later. And if I think she's not, I just bounce the question back to her.

You mean advice other than answering "I don't know"?

I suppose you could try looking at him blankly.

Isn't it a great song? Woodie must have spent some time around preschoolers!